2008 = Crazy Year (F'd Up 14)

[lost_in_space]

Ok. Figured I'd start a new.

Here's the link:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1613320&page=1#Post1613320

Here's are the last few posts for continuity:

Well, I actually had a decent weekend. Quiet house, but kept the music or tv on to break the silence. Really missed the k's - can't say I missed W all that much. Is that good?

Heard tonight through friends that W was talking to a D mom about getting tips to get more $$ from me in a D. This mom did very well due to circumstances (x-H owns a successful company). Apparently the D-mom is really not interested. It will actually be good if they do talk because the D-mom realized about 6 months after separation that she made a mistake. Oh well.

W was up in cave all night watching tv. I was with K's. D's waited to watch a tv show with me and then S13 and I did same. She is totally avoiding me - guess I will leave her be.

Read "Love Must be Tough" again. My letter from L really was along those lines. I will have to reinforce at some point. I am definitely not pursuing / not needy. I do think I need to say that ILY but we cannot continue this way and even though it is not what I will not stand in your way if you want to leave and in fact that maybe for the best right now. Have to think on that.

Well, I actually had a decent weekend. Quiet house, but kept the music or tv on to break the silence. Really missed the k's - can't say I missed W all that much. Is that good?

Yes, it means you are disconnecting from her as you should be.

Heard tonight through friends that W was talking to a D mom about getting tips to get more $$ from me in a D. This mom did very well due to circumstances (x-H owns a successful company). Apparently the D-mom is really not interested. It will actually be good if they do talk because the D-mom realized about 6 months after separation that she made a mistake. Oh well.

It seems like the d-mom is smart enough to tell W not to be a bitc*h

W was up in cave all night watching tv. I was with K's. D's waited to watch a tv show with me and then S13 and I did same. She is totally avoiding me - guess I will leave her be.

There is no other choice but to LHB. It's her choice. Give her what she craves maybe she won't crave it any more.

Read "Love Must be Tough" again. My letter from L really was along those lines. I will have to reinforce at some point. I am definitely not pursuing / not needy. I do think I need to say that ILY but we cannot continue this way and even though it is not what I will not stand in your way if you want to leave and in fact that maybe for the best right now. Have to think on that.

I think you should not say ILY, but say that we cannot continue this way...
Do not give HER any hope.

(((Lost))) Let her be. This is her choice and now she gets to live it. I'm not sure I would say ILY either, but I would definatley lay the "we cannot continue this way..." out there and see where she takes it. I would let her know that you leaving is not an option. I would also let it be known that her plans to get "more" in the case of a D will be met with staunch oposition and that you are prepared to fight for what is "equitable" and that what she has spent (squandering marital assets) will be itemized and used in court. If love must be tough, then love must be tough as nails. Business is business and personal is personal and the one does not have anything to do with another.
Hang in there. I'm glad you had a relaxing weekend.

Hey, lis. I know its hard to have such a quiet house. Blows. Better to be out, anyway.

I think that if you say ILY, she is not going to believe you and will probably just make her mad anyway.

[lost_in_space]

Ust wanted to update something. W is no longer in our bedroom. She has taken to sleeping with D11. Has been for 8 nights now. Guess I have claimed to bedroom as my domain!

This really sucks - but then everone generally knows that!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Look at it as YOU laid claim to the marital bed. Far too many betrayed spouses -- esp. husbands, it seems -- leave the bed because their wayward spouse is uncomfortable.

Let THEM leave it if they so choose!!!

[frank_D]

Ust wanted to update something. W is no longer in our bedroom. She has taken to sleeping with D11. Has been for 8 nights now. Guess I have claimed to bedroom as my domain!

This really sucks - but then everone generally knows that!

Buy new 'manly' sheets and a comforter. I got This set

You will get a response. Trust me, when I did this W knew I was letting her go. No more marital bed sheets she picked out, and the kids liked the fuzzy comforter and made a big deal about it.

And W was flustered because now, it's a mans bed.

And she wasn't invited into it.

[karen43]

I love Frank's idea! Turn this into something positive. Pick out something you really love. How are you doing today, LIS? Karen

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Ust wanted to update something. W is no longer in our bedroom. She has taken to sleeping with D11. Has been for 8 nights now. Guess I have claimed to bedroom as my domain!

This really sucks - but then everone generally knows that!

Buy new 'manly' sheets and a comforter. I got This set

You will get a response. Trust me, when I did this W knew I was letting her go. No more marital bed sheets she picked out, and the kids liked the fuzzy comforter and made a big deal about it.

And W was flustered because now, it's a mans bed.

And she wasn't invited into it.

This may be the single best idea I've read on here all year!!!

[marriedCrazy]

Frank, what a wonderful idea! I've heard of other men rearranging the living room; redecorating the living room with help from the kids.

[lost_in_space]

Everyone, thanks for stopping by.

Puppy, I guess I "won" the battle. The new arrangements started the Sat that I stood up and wouldn't let her bump me from taking my son to his out of town hockey game. Then came my L to her. Maybe she realizes I mean business? Dunno.

Frank - love that idea. Will look around. Will take a small step tomorrow morning and rearrange the pillows so they are in the center of the bed rather than on each side. A subtle start.

Karen - have to admit I am having trouble with PMA this week. Still think that I am a little under the weather. May need to go see the doc for temp stress help as well. I haven't been around your place very often recently - sorry bout that.

Journalling: W is carrying on as if her fantasy will continue. She had interior designers come over yesterday about something. Goofy.

Have given my L the ok to ask hers if any response to my letter would be forthcoming. We will see.

[frank_D]

This may be the single best idea I've read on here all year!!!

I can't take full credit for it, one of my lady DB friends suggested it to me during my first round 3 years ago.

I went and got the set described and she was sure uncomfortable about the changes.

[lost_in_space]

OK

I am here to confess... Time to face the music...

W is feeling very sick - very bad cold. As I said, she has been sleeping with D11 for the last 8 nights. So what do I do tonight? She asks me if she can sleep in the bed because she doesn't want to give D11 her cold. Wants me to sleep downstairs. Asks me in front of S13.

So I give in. Shoot, I don't want her cold either. BUT I will not stay out of the room. I will be back as soon as it is safe to do so (illness wise that is).

WHY AM I SO FRICKIN NICE? (yes, it is rhetorical )

Screw up on my part? Only if stay away I think. It was her decision to leave the room - I will not be kept out.