Hi Fixer Did I just read that your W gave you a small kiss on the lips? Fixer, I can remember when that was one of your desires, for your W to hug and kiss you. That is a positive.
Try not to threaten to leave. Your W doesn`t believe you. You have been telling her this for a long time, and yet, nothing changes.
I agree with Jack, you really need to shake things up. Actions speak louder than words.
Yeah, somehow my W agreed to kiss me when she goes out or sometimes when she goes to bed. At first she thought I wanted more than a kiss. I explained how we needed to start somewhere and a kiss was a deal breaker meaning I could leave and not miss her at all. That's when the kisses started.
My W knows I want to leave and questions why I'm still living at home. She also knows how pratical I am and won't leave until I can make it on my own. I have family I can move in with but I don't want to make their lives uncomfortable.
Well I usually write about bad stuff, but lately work has been keeping me busy to write anything.
Since the big blow out I had with her and telling how much I want to leave things have changed a little. After that we got into a small argument when I lost my debit card. Here's where I tell you something crazy about me. I don't like to loose anything. If I do I have to search until I find it or I've checked every nook and cranny a dozen times. I asked W to check her purse for my debit card. She refused and yelled at me. She said you don't trust me and I've never been given the debit card. I do trust her and it's true I took away the debit card from her b/c of her MLC. Believe me it was a good thing I took it away. She still managed to rack up over $5000 in debt. Back to our fight. I told her again I trust her and she still wouldn't check her purse. I told her I was nuts and I know it's not there please check the purse. She yelled louder and I remained calm but still thinking where did I put that damn debit card. After the fight she tried her usual tricks, sleeping on the couch, silent treatment, and of course no kisses.
After a few days I told her how it was. She already knows I have a problem about loosing things. I told her if she just checked her purse once I would have been greatful. I asked if she thought I would do something for her even though it didn't make sense. After a minutes of silence she said yeah, you would. So where is the good part.
We talked for a little bit and she said she would come to bed wearing something more comfortable. I told her doing this will shows she trust me. Last night she went to bed wearing something comfortable. No sweat shirt or sweat pants. For once it didn't seem like she was dressing for a blizzard. It's a small exageraton but you get the idea.
This morning I asked if she was comfortable. She said yes and when I asked if she would dress comfortably again tonight she said yes. The positive in this one if you're keeping score is finally she's beginning to trust me again. I don't know how I lost it but her MLC prevented her from doing something I pride myself on. Being able to be trusted.
I had two events lined up in my pursuit to work on my M. My councelor was going to teach me how to do mindful relaxation as the first event. The second event my W and I were going to a concert with my sister and BIL.
Well I ran out of time so I didn't go over my mindful meditation exercises. Instead I was given a website where I could read about it. I went on the website and was able to learn how to do a basic meditation exercise.
At the concert we had a lot of fun; w couldn't stop laughing. At one point during the concert W was giving advice to a young woman and her girl friend b/c her boy friend was not treating her right. I listened and picked up on some flawed thoughts my W had. From what I heard, it sounded as though my W thinks friends are more important then a husband or family. Since one of the girls asked my advice, I added my two cents and said if you feel like your not respected then move on to someone else before its too late and you M that person. My W continue to talk and eventually she scared the two girls away.
Later during the concert we went back to having fun. When the second act came on stage we where dancing and having fun. Sing along when we knew the words and faking it when we forot them. My W and I were having fun again. During the end of the night my W was getting drunker and drunker. I had to hold onto the back of her jacket just to keep her from falling down.
We got home very late and both of us were tired. My W went to bed dressed confortably for a change. I snuggled up next to her and kissed her goodnight. The next night my W went to bed (very late) but without wearing heavy pants or a sweatshirt. Hopefuly she will keeps this up. A trusting relationship is something that's important to me.
Do you think it is possible that a married couple could be best friends?
That's a question I would need to ask my wife.
My answer is yes but more than friends. If a good friend gave my wife as much grief as she's given me than that relationship would be hurting. Probably so much they wouldn't be friends anymore.
Man I am a firm believer that my wife is one of my best friends.
But Jack...best implies ONE, better than all others, better than well better.
True...
However, I think it can be broken down between gender.
Best Guy friend, and best Girl Friend.
I mean IF you're going to be 80 years old with someone...you aint there for the sex...or maybe you are....and...welll....ewwwww. At 80 I want to be with my best friend and her freezing cold feet.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
My family and I went to Washington DC for a few days. We decided to drive and well 10 hours in the same car could be quite challenging.
We started off an hour later than we planned. Since I have no sense of direction we decided to use a GPS to get there. About 2 hours into our drive we noticed we were missing all the major highways. We quickly discovered the GPS was set to avoid all tolls. For the record, my W set the route. After dealing with a little tension as I re-programed the GPS we were back on track. It's my W's car and she wanted to do all the driving. I offered many times to drive but she refused, so I stopped asking.
We talked about different things but no R talks on our way up. I would have to say we were getting along. Occasionally she got a little snarky but I set her straight right away. All I had to do was remind her that some things are out of our control like; the weather, traffic and other drivers. When she complained I listened and validated. We seemed to be in agreement when it came to D12; who did most of the complaining.
Once in DC we had a great time. We went on a trolley tour of the city, visiting as many monuments as we could. We went on a night tour which was just as fun. It would have been nicer if D12 wasn't there so my W and I could spend some alone time.
Our drive home was better than the ride up. We took a different route and D12 kept herself busy watching DVDs. No R talks, but my W did have a few requests of things she wanted.
I don't know where our R is going. I wish my W would tell me she L's me so our live can move on. To be honest, I'm afraid she will use this trip to get something out of me. I have this suspicion that when September comes around she'll be going on a cruise with her GF.
Maybe I'm not as nice of a guy as I thought I was. Maybe I've been fooling everyone who reads my posts. Then maybe I'm just having a nightmare and can't wake up. Or worst maybe I'm the nicest guy in Hell.
If I was to take the time and write about my life it would show I'm not an intersting person. It would show how most of the turmoil in my life is with my wife and 24 year old step son. It would also show how much I love my 12 year old daughter.
