For the Guy with Kids and a WW Diez y Seis

[hopeful4her]

The link to number 15.


http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1606568&page=2&fpart=1



Stayed home with D6 today. Just in case, I shot off a text to the wife letting her know that we were home sick, but she was ok. Never got a response. Ok by me.

I cooked dinner really early. Like at 2pm. I figured I'd go pick up D11 as soon as she got to the apartment. I then forgot to call the afterschool sitter to let her know that D6 won't be on the bus. I can't find her number. I called wifes work and the phone rang for about 4 minutes. Must be busy. I send her an email asking for the ladies number. No response. I figure I'll call her cell. She answered. She was at the apartment. I was asking for the ladies number and she said ok, but why? I told her I send her a text, but she says she never got it. Getting the number from her cell, she hangs up on me. She calls me back a minute later. She now sees the text but never saw it before. I tell her about myself being sick and D6.

I also tell her that I intended to pick up D11, but that D6 just fell asleep on the sofa. She says that its ok. D11 will be fine there for a while. She tells me to get some rest. D11 is still another hour away. Call her when D6 gets up. I end up passing out too. About an hour later, we are getting ready to go and I call the wife that we are leaving. She sounds funny. She then asks me if I've spoken to D11 lately about anything. I ask what about. That we talk. She asks again if we have discussed anything. I ask why, because we talk about a lot of things.

"Well, she is outside just sitting on a tree looking down. She has been so distant to me."

"Well, we talk. She has been down about her not making many friends at school or the apartments. She is dealing with a lot of stuff. She isn't happy about us. She is upset."

"You have talked about us. We've talked, also. What did you say?"

"I told her that we have to deal with what we have been given. That whatever happens is making us stronger. That we didn't choose our circumstances, but we have to keep going."

Wife stays quiet.
"And she doesn't worry about me. We've talked before. I've told her that I'm fine. We have just gotten really close. She likes to call me."

I tell her to hold on because D6 is now asking if we are going to the apartment. I tell her yes and that we'll be leaving soon.

She waited for me to finish with D6 and said,
"Well, good for you. That ya'll have gotten close. I think that I'm going to go talk to her. She has such a hard time making friends."

"Talk to her. You need to. We talk pretty often. She is too shy."

"Well, don't be in a hurry to get here. I'm going to go outside to talk to her. S14 should be here soon. If he was here, I would have taken them."

D6 and I take our time. I almost considered taking the chicken that I cooked, but then changed my mind. D6 even asked if we could eat at the apartment. I told her no. We need to come back and eat. By the time we get to the apartment, the wife and D11 are sitting at her dining table doing something. S14 had answered the door. By the door is a huge canvas bag with handles. About 3 feet by 3 feet.

"Now son, I've heard of big backpacks but come on."

The wife says, "Noo. That is the blow up castle bounce."
"Ohhh. Its easy to put up?"
"Yeah, it should be. Miguel is going to help me with it."

So no OM at the party setting it up or tearing it down, but by her reaction to my questioning on Sunday, it has to be from OM. No reason NOT to tell me where she got it. She would normally have been proud to tell me that someone she knows had it and let her use it so that we didn't have to pay for one.

Good for her. I hope it doesn't accidentally get a knife slice on the side of it at the end of the day.

D11 comes to tell me hello. D6 goes to tell the wife hello. D11 tells me excitedly how she has a phone number to a friend she met today. I am excited for her and give big hugs. She then finishes what she is doing at the table with her mom. They are all talking about something. I go and have a seat on the sofa and begin to watch tv. She looks over to me and asks if I'm taking something because I don't look well. Like I look drunk.

"I know. My eyes are puffy."
D6 then comes and sits next to me and leans into me with my arm around her. D11 goes to do something, and the wife sees us, gets up and comes and sits right next to D6 on the other side.
I'm patting D6's behind and also playing with the dog who has jumped on my lap looking for attention. The wife has to start patting D6's leg and says, "Poor baby. You didn't feel good today?"
They are talking and I'm playing with the dog. Then D11 and S14 are somehow wrestling on the floor in front of us under the coffee table. The wife is pretending to step on D11. I'm tickling S14 and then I'm reaching over the wife leg to tickle D11 also. I then have to get on them because of course, they start to get out of hand. S14 gets up and then D11 bonks her head right on the corner. I totally saw it. She is rubbing her head and almost has tears but stays strong. I help her up, rub her head for her and the wife gets a freezer pack.

I start to try to get the kids going. The wife asks them if they want tater tots that she was about to make. I tell her I made chicken already.
"Oh...you HAVE chicken?"

She asked it in a very odd way. I told her earlier on the phone when I called her the first time.

"Yes. I made chicken."

"Well, do you want some to take with you?" she asks S14.
"Sure." he says.

So now I'm waiting for a bit for her to finish. We finally leave and she walks us out to the car. Out in the parking lot, she tells me goodbye and that she hopes I feel better. I tell her thanks. S14 and D11 start bickering already and I have to tell them both to shush it. The wife tells both of them to behave and be good. All of us in the car, she is mouthing to them to be good and for them to call her. Then she looks at me and does the same to me. She motions for me to have them call her later. I nod okay to her and I take off. D6 then opens the window and starts yelling,
"Bye momma! I love you!"
"No, I love you!" the wife yells back. They did it about 5 times as I'm driving away.

At home, after dinner, S14 doing his homework, D6 in bed, I talk to D11 a little. Is everything ok? Did her mother talk to her. She says they talked about school and making friends. I ask if her mother talked about herself and I.

"I don't know." I ask a couple times and get the same response.
She doesn't want to talk about it. While I'm trying to talk to her, we're playing tic tac toe, so that I can distract her. I didn't work. Then we start to play hangman and we are cracking ourselves up. We are laughing and laughing. I tell her its time for bed, go change and then come back. She goes and comes back and I remind her to call the wife. She does and they talk for a while, but while they are talking, she is throwing darts in my room. She is distracted talking to her. Then she throws the dart and it sticks in my wall. She starts to crack up and I tell her to stop throwing darts. She keeps talking and then hangs up.

So I got another opportunity to throw some darts of my own tonight and I don't think mine missed and got stuck in the wall. I don't think they were bullseyes, but I think there were some triple 20's

[lost_in_space]

H4H

Looks like I get the morning beverage, albeit a little tardy.

When I read your thread and then think of my sitch - not sure which is the right approach. W and I are in the same house but not talking to each other. Hate what it is doing to the K's. You are apart but at least talking. Man I wish I knew the right answer...

hang in there Roger. The triple 20's are better than bullseyes anyway - not as pretty but more points scored.

[hopeful4her]

Not sure either. I always thought that it was going to be easier with her still in the house. It was actually a relief when she left. No more disrespect with her being in the house and having an OM.

But the game has changed dramatically. She stopped being "married" about a year ago. I have to drop my rope with her.

When she came and sit with D6 and I on the sofa yesterday, before we both started tickling D11 and S14, she started to whisper to me that she now knows that her ex is no longer working. Thats why she is no longer getting child support. I whispered back if that is what she found out through the Attorney General. She said yes. We said a couple more things concerning the child support.

Just be friends and live our separate lives? Some day, our planets may align again, but then they may never again.

Back off? Can I do it? And to what extent? I care too much for her.

I'm again getting to that point that I WANT to move on. Life is too short and I'm not getting any younger.

I've got WAY to much to offer.
Day by day. He will lead me where I'm supposed to go.

[Sugar and Spice]

Day by day. He will lead me where I'm supposed to go.

Sometimes that is the hardest thing. Wanting to do it yourself, but knowing that there is a path to follow...

[yenko69]

I'm again getting to that point that I WANT to move on. Life is too short and I'm not getting any younger.
I've got WAY to much to offer.
Day by day. He will lead me where I'm supposed to go.

I feel the same way about things right now. The only way to go is forward. The rest will reveal itself in its own time. As far as the moon walk, sometimes accidents do happen. The sad part is people like us have to much dignity to something like that. Nice to think about though.

[Sugar and Spice]

As far as the moon walk, sometimes accidents do happen. The sad part is people like us have to much dignity to something like that. Nice to think about though.

Not all of us baby. I'll come stick a screwdriver in it for you...after DD is done, of course!

[yenko69]

Not all of us baby. I'll come stick a screwdriver in it for you...after DD is done, of course!

Need a plane ticket?

[karen43]

I'm again getting to that point that I WANT to move on. Life is too short and I'm not getting any younger.
I've got WAY to much to offer.
Day by day. He will lead me where I'm supposed to go.

I feel the same way about things right now. The only way to go is forward.

I'm there too. It always surprises me how much everyone here seems to go through the same stuff at the same time. H4H, I think you might want to back off and detach if not for your R, then for you. You know we're supposed to do what works so if being good friends to your W isn't working esp. for you, then maybe LRT would be a good idea? Of course, I say this when you know I am horrible at that myself!!!

I can't believe I just typed that. Can you come over to my thread sometime and give me the same advice???? Karen

[Sugar and Spice]

Not all of us baby. I'll come stick a screwdriver in it for you...after DD is done, of course!

Need a plane ticket?

Shouldn't I just drive...and wear an adult diaper, to make just that much ickier? LOL!!!!!

[hopeful4her]

Drama at the apartment again.

I emailed the wife after lunch.

"Hi. Just wanted to let you know that I'm not going to get out until after 6.

Hope your day is going well. I wish I was in bed."

She replies at about 5pm.

"Sorry. Its been busy and I just checked my emails. We are short staffed. I didn't even take a break today. Thats fine. I just talked to the kids. They are fine. I will get off at 5:30 or 5:45.

Hope your feeling better today."

Then she calls me just as I arrive at the apartment. She says that 5:30 turned into 6:30. She just left work. She is talking about gas prices. Blah blah. I say ok. She says that she'll be home shortly.

I think she was trying to imply that we shouldn't be in such a hurry to leave.

Before she got there, I see calls from OM at about 8 and 9. Almost always twice. I also see a call from her cell at about 12:30 to the apartment.

Hmmmm. I doubt it was to check her messages.

In a nut shell(like that is going to make my post shorter ), D11 and S14 were getting on each others nerves again. I scolded both of them. The wife backed me up on it, too. I was on a roll getting on both of them. The wife would say things too, but she was more like that big dude in the back going, "YEAH!" in a deep voice. Remember Trading Places?

All the while, the wife had made the kids something to eat, since D6 and I were trying to finish her homework. Since I got off so late, I figured we'll just finish there since it would be late by the time we got home. I kept checking my watch when she said she would just make them dinner. I said ok.

The wife keeps getting texts. About 3 of them. She looks and ignores. She even turned the ringer off after the second one. You can see the face lighting up on the third. She looks at it and turns it over. House phone rang once. She looked at it and didn't answer. No message left, though.



Anyway, D11 gets upset and walks off finally, after her mom got on her again. I call her back and she is starting to cry. She starts to say how life is so hard. Why can't it be easy. Basically what followed was an R talk about the wife and I. The wife trying to justify. I'm just listening. She takes all the blame again, as usual.

"It was me! Not your dad. It was me."

D11 at one point tried to blame herself. We both tell her that that isn't true. The wife takes the blame again. I cut in and tell the wife to stop doing that.

D11 says, "Yeah. Why do you keep taking the blame?"
"Because I don't want you to think that you had anything to do with your dad and I being apart. I'LL take all the blame instead."

Now she is the martyr.

The wife was asking D11,
"Remember what we talked about yesterday? That I decided, but that it has helped you and your dad get closer. That your dad is taking care of himself? Having fun again? Someday your going to find out that when you have a boyfriend or are married, that it takes both to make it work. You can't force someone to do something they don't want."

I was trying so hard for it not to turn into something else in front of the kids.

By this time, S14 decided to leave and go roller blading.

He came up in conversation too. How he handles things differently. D11 was saying that he doesn't say anything. The wife tells her that they HAVE talked. He is just different.

The wife then asks, "What would you want me to do? Move back home? That would be the answer?"

I start to tell D11 that we(D11 and I) have talked about things before. Several times. We have to deal with other peoples decisions. We can only take care of ourselves. Things went on for a while. The wife just made her self out to be so selfish. I had to hold back a couple times about an OM.

At one point, the wife put her head in her hands. Dejected. Sad. D11 starts to say, "See! Everytime I say something, it turns out bad. Now your sad."
The wife says, "Yes, I'm sad about things too. But I WANT you to talk. Get things out."

I agreed with her. Several times, I would give the wife a look like, you are so dumb. She looked back with her defensive face.

She then asks D11, "What can I do? What do you want me to do? Do I need to work less? Spend more time here with ya'll? I work a little extra when I know you dad is picking ya'll up. 15 minutes extra adds up. I'm also trying to work something different. Like a different position maybe. I know ya'll have a hard time adjusting. Your dad and I are doing our best to share you. It seems like it is hard for ya'll a week at a time. I know ya'll miss the puppies, too. But going back and forth, like you don't have time to settle in."
D11 says, "I just don't want to even come home."
"What. You mean you don't want to be HERE?"
"I don't want either. I just want to be outside."


The wife then talked a bit about how SHE doesn't have friends, either. But that SHE decided that. Some friends were bad influences anyway. She'd rather be alone that out partying and stuff.

Again, the blood was pouring out of my lip.

Things calmed down. It wasn't crazy. We weren't yelling. In fact, D6 was still doing homework at the table and I kept going over her to her to help her. Then head back to the kitchen where we were talking. The wife asked me if I wanted something to eat. I declined.

I begin to say that we need to get going. Gather things. After a while, the wife starts to say things like,
"Come on. Your dad is wanting to leave already." Like a little huffy that I want to leave. I started to play with D11. We are having fun again. Trying to tickle each other. Laughing. We just LOVE messing with each other. I sit down on the sofa and wait because the wife talks to all the kids individually as she is hugging them, quietly before were out the door. She stays in the apartment. She tells me goodbye. I give her my aloof "disappointed in ya'" look and give a quick wave.

At home, S14 in his room on the phone as usual. D6 in bed, I am cooking dinner for tomorrow. I sit and talk with D11 a little. I ask her opinion. About what I should do with mom. Does she think that I should just give up? She gives me a look like, "Hello? What do YOU think?"

I tell her that I have tried, but mom makes her own decisions. I am sorry that it is like this, but we have to deal with it. I still care about her mom.
"You shouldn't. She doesn't care about you."

I agreed.

"You should just stop talking to her. Maybe she'll miss you and wonder why you don't talk to her."

Is she smart or what?

I let her know that I have done that somewhat, but that I don't think it matters.

"I don't think mom will care if I don't talk to her. She probably has someone to talk to anyway."

I tell her that mom just has a lot of issues that she is going to have to work on. She says she is happy, but that maybe she isn't. That D11 has to speak her mind to her.
"If you don't let her know how you feel, she just thinks that everything is hunky dory. 'Look how everyone is so happy for me.' She is going to think that everyone has no problem with what she decided. Thats why you have to get things out, sometimes. Everyone ISN'T happy with her. She has lost a lot of friends. Some good, some its good that she did." We kind of change subjects. She is so happy when we are together. I'm sure she is with her mother too, but it just seems more so with us.

I really don't think that I want to be with someone that would put our kids through this and keep trying to justify it. That is just F'ing sad of her. What kind of mother is she, like OM's wife asked her.

I HAVE to let her go. She is ill and just clueless about what she has done to ALL of us.

I don't want her anymore.

And BTW, no goodnight call to mom to say goodnight tonight, so I know she'll call us in the morning. I mean them. I halfway expected her to call tonight and ask how the girls were doing. I had a nice sarcastic reply ready for her.

"They are just great. So happy with their life and what they are being put through. But does it really matter? YOUR the one that is happy, right? What matters is you."

Whatever.

Good thing she didn't call. Hope she is having fun. Alone or with him. It's all worth it to her, either way.