My WAW are probably about 30 days from our D (Texas is 60 days to uncontested D, no separation required) and about 30 days into the process as a whole.
Talk about a punch in the face. Perfect life to D in 60 days.
Anyway, she is staying at her parents (in their mansion), and everything is just peachy with her. I have been LRT with her for about 14 days, and she couldn't be happier it seems. She is upbeat on the phone whenever I talk to her (only about kid or D, I never initiate contact) and I'd swear from her tone and mannerisms that the spark is still there for us. It could be the fog talking as she has an ongoing EA (at least) with a guy from her work for at least 4 months, or it could be the fact that she really does want this to be a "friendly D". It also could be the she is pathological in her ability to put on a happy face, since she was apparently "so miserable for so many years" without anyone having a clue. She just seems so "normal" on the phone.
Question: Would it be a backslide to invite her to join myself and our son for a weekend of fun at a local nature park? It is an overnight trip, but the room I have reserved has 2 queen beds.
Or...should I just go with the boy and let her hear about it after it is all over?
H: 38 W: 36 S: 8 S: 5 M: 16 Bomb: 8/25/08 OM: 9/21/08 EA (Possible PA) with co-worker since 5/08 (at least...) Sep: 9/21/08 D Filed 9/23/08 My Situation
She was over at the house this morning to let the maid in and to put out Halloween decorations...in a house she doesn't live in and she wants to sell ASAP. I had just returned from my jog and was looking GREAT in my compression shirt (if I say so myself). 40 pounds lighter than I was 45 days ago and the weight lifting has started to show results.
She saw on my calendar that son and I are going to the fair, and I could tell she was thinking about asking to go with but I still didn't invite her. Last week she was under the (mistaken) impression that she would get an invite to my family's day at the fair (she goes every year, it's a blast), but I told her today that her first impression on the matter was correct, she would not be welcome with them. Sorry!
What is it with the WAW and her ignorance to the destruction she causes in EVERYONE'S lives?
Anyway, I'd still like some input on how to handle this. Invite her to the fair with me and son or no?
PS: I gently held her arm and snuck a kiss on the cheek and a soft tap on the butt before I walked out the door for work. "Have a great day and don't work too hard!" I said in a cheerful voice. She was taken aback and a bit shocked I think. Here is the good man she hurt and betrayed terribly just as happy as a clam. I KNOW this just makes her feel more guilty SOMEWHERE in that foggy head of hers.
It felt great!
H: 38 W: 36 S: 8 S: 5 M: 16 Bomb: 8/25/08 OM: 9/21/08 EA (Possible PA) with co-worker since 5/08 (at least...) Sep: 9/21/08 D Filed 9/23/08 My Situation
you do sound like a superstar! I love how you handled her visit in the morning. Perfect! I am sure her mind is reeling.
I think that you should invite her to the fair- casually as suggested above. It is a chance to interact and DB, and in the event that she is just too silly to work on your M and you end up D, I think it would be good if you can still interact well together for the sake of your kids.
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
STBXW just called and offered to meet me half-way when I need to drop off #1 son after baseball practice tonight.
I thought about it and suggested she just meet us at our (son and mine) pizza place after practice and she could share in our "Weekly Father/Son Post Baseball Practice Pizza Ritual" and then take him home with her.
"No, I have other plans but thanks" - Her (Kinda down) "OK then, I'll have him home after dinner" - Me (Cheerfully)
1 minute later my phone rings again
"It took me a whole 1 minute to reconsider...what time should I be at the pizza joint?" - Her
(Boggle)
Now, my counselor would call this "a small step in the right direction" and my friend Kline would call this "causing yourself more grief".
I think they both are right.
H: 38 W: 36 S: 8 S: 5 M: 16 Bomb: 8/25/08 OM: 9/21/08 EA (Possible PA) with co-worker since 5/08 (at least...) Sep: 9/21/08 D Filed 9/23/08 My Situation
She found out I had arranged a house sitter to take care of her dogs while the boy and I are out of town and was furious. "Why didn't you ask me?" "Why can't I do it?"
"You aren't there, so I made other arrangements"
She was mad the rest of the dinner, which made me mad also. I had to bite my tongue a few times so I didn't backslide, but I know I was not the greatest company in the world.
Basically she wants to stay in the house while I am out of town.
The truth is I don't want her in this house at all. She owns half of it, but the moment she had her affair she gave up her right to live here in my mind. I wanted to tell her that, but I didn't. I also don't want the thought of her bringing OM into my bed while I am away.
Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.
I'm actually kinda happy that she came tonight, because it reminded me of two very important things:
1) She is not the woman I married. She isn't. I don't know who this impostor is, but I genuinely am beginning to despise her. I do not use that word lightly, but it is accurate.
2) I would have been miserable at the fair with her. If I can't make it thru a 30 minute dinner without wanting to get up an leave, how could I spend 8 hours at the fair with her?
There is the (slight) possibility that within one week she could be diagnosed with cancer (biopsy results tomorrow), jobless (layoff scheduled for next week) and living with her parents. I brought this fact up to her and added in the divorce and the only response was a shoulder shrug.
I wanted to ask her if any of this would slow her roll towards D, but I knew the answer...NOTHING would force her from this path.
I am done with her. Now I just need to pretend that I can stand the sight of her until the D is final.
H: 38 W: 36 S: 8 S: 5 M: 16 Bomb: 8/25/08 OM: 9/21/08 EA (Possible PA) with co-worker since 5/08 (at least...) Sep: 9/21/08 D Filed 9/23/08 My Situation
