Hi, I have been lurking for a few weeks and was not sure about posting. I'll give a brief recap of my story:
6 months ago we began to have problems in our marriage(M 3yrs T 6yrs, no kids) my H would not be very affectionate, working long hours and weekends, told me he was stressed with work. would not talk, eventually I sent him an e-mail and asked what was wrong as suspected an affair. He told me he had really low self esteem as work was going badly and this led him to treat me badly and he was looking at his life and wondered if I would be better off withour him. He felt life had got dull with all the work and wondered if there was more to it. He said he still loved me and apologised for not talking to me but didn't like confrontation and would make an effort to work things out. Things then improved and we planned trip away.
I then had a serious family issue a few weeks later and i was a away for a few weeks, we cancelled our trip and he went to see some friends abroad. When he came back he said "I am sorry and I never thought I would say this but I am in love with some one else." OW at work, they kissed a few months ago and he felt awful and they said nothing would happen between them as he was married, however she then left her boyfriend and they got close while I was away. he said he felt guilty for not supporting me and this was because he was thinking of her all the time. He has not slept with her - just spent time at work and know it is love as it is not about the sex.
I asked him to leave and he stayed with friends, did all the wrong things like cry and wanted to go to couselling initially. He said he had made his mind up and wanted D. Told him that was fine and asked him to come and pick up his things. Then read DB and took care of my self and we have met a few times for lunch to dicuss financial arrangements. We had a good time and laughed and joked. He still seems confused but is now living with OW although a few days ago he said he has found place to rent - he wants to do things properly with her as he is in love and it has not been easy for them because he was married.
I have sent the divorce papers off and he is coming around tonight to split flat belongings. I have spoken to DB coach and have improved my own life as I realised I was doing a lot of things for him and not me. I have began a new course and am going out and meeting new firends. I know I should be patient but the thing is if he is going to wait and see how things go with OW then I don't want to wait around. He says we have had a great 6 yrs and we knew things would get back to normal but once they did he didn't know how to deal it and he has just fallen out of love with me.
Do I just move on and if so should I stop seeing him as he keeps texting and mailing re financial issues and coming round to pick up post etc. I find it harder to move on with so much contact. We don't have much left to sort out so I would not have to see him much more. I know I will be fine without him as I have good support from family and friends and am also a little annoyed that i still want him but I guess it takes time.
H has just been round to sort out flat contents - asked him if he is happy with decision now as has been few months and that he needs to tell me now if he is not sure and he said he is happy and its the only decision he could make. which means that he was lying when he said there was nothing wrong with our marriage! How can nothing be wrong and yet he left for someone else because he fell in love? Does this happen?
