I'm in such deep despair today. I've been trying the 180 and not talking to my spouse, yet somehow someway he finds every opportunity to be hateful towards me. After I asked him to leave me alone, he replied by telling me he will leave me alone and not to email or text him and believes his life would be better if I was completely out of his life forever. I hate all this. I'm doing so terrible that I actually believe everyone will be better off without me in their lives. I just can't take any of this anymore. He continues to be hateful no matter what I do or say. All of this is my fault. I saw someone else and I'm being severely punished for it. My job sucks and in danger of being fired. I'm not being the mother I should be. I'm not being the friend I should be. I feel crappy and I can't get out. I'm treading water and being pushed down as often as possible in every direction.
I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so upset. Can you give us some more information about your situation so that we can try to help you better?
You're in the separated forum. Are you separated? If so how long have you been separated?
You said you saw someone else, can you give more details on that?
Have you read the DR or DB books yet?
Sorry for all the questions, but I think they can help us give better advice.
Sorry you're so sad today,
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Just my thoughts, but you need to go see a doctor TODAY. I don't know if you have ever been on anti-depressants, but you should look into them. Of course, they take a few weeks to really take hold, so that doesn't help today.
TODAY, you sound like you are on the brink. Anytime you start thinking everyone would be better off without you, this sends up a red flag to me. Get into a local dr. or hospital if you can, as soon as you can.
Last December I was where you are now. My H couldn't stand to be around me, said it was OVER, period, done. (We are now living together again and trying to work it out so don't give up hope!) Anyway, I actually called him to leave work early one day b/c I felt I couldn't take care of my kids well any more. I got over that feeling w/in a few hours and told him not to come get them, so he didn't.
But I know I have spent weeks at work not doing much more than just physically showing up, and "managing" my kids more than "parenting" them, just trying to make it until I could put them to bed and be alone in my sadness...
That is just no way to live. I got help with a counselor and medication, also started running again which helped, too. You need to take care of YOU before you can be the parent and employee you want to be.
Yes, we are separated since 7/1/08. This was my decision. During July he was realizing a lot of things and wanted to work things out and asked I do not see anyone. Well, b/c I was trying to figure things out and someone took great interest in me, I went out with someone else. My H found out the beginning of August about it while we were on vacation. Since then, things are completely different. He has started to see some 22 year old girl (he's 35, I'm 32) and parading her around town. Though a friend of mine tells me he talks about me and our old life in front of this girl, he continues to carry on a relationship with her. THis KILLS me. Further, every time we talk we end up arguing. He uses this as justification or validation why we shouldn't be together. He takes every opportunity to tell me how happy he is without me and how I make his life miserable. This hurts so bad b/c it makes me feel like trash thrown in the garbage and as if I meant nothing to him for the past 10 years we have been married. Today he tells me he wishes he could have nothing to do with me at all but impossible b/c of the kids. I have been trying not to contact him for some time now and do my best. I just drop off kids and keep texts simple and short (NO conversations in person or phone). I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel as if everything I do is wrong. My job sucks and I'm just going through motions. We've been married for 10 years together 11. We have 3 kids. I just want to get to a point of peace. The appearance I try to portray to him is that I'm fine...look great with a smile and keep my distance. I've even tried dating but that completely sucks. I do feel SO HOPELESS. Not sure where to go from here...Thanks for your responses!! I do have my therapy today thank GOD! I will have to tell her my feelings, though afraid she will break confidentiality and tell my parents. THey will only make me crazier!!
Oh, yes, one other thing, my H has also said we are getting divorced and thats final. (I had filed back in June after nasty fight, but since have put it on hold to which he has been badgering me to finish.) He says he will remain hostile towards me b/c I filed for divorce and saw someone else when he asked me not to. He told me to stp wishing for a miracle that its never gonna happen.
