How awful to have to make this decision. Personally, I think they are asking way too much. The kids deserve to be with you.
I think Christmas Eve for a few hours with their dad is fine, you get them all day Christmas Day..........
Maybe I am wrong to think like this of even for throwing it out there.
I have never had to make this sort of decision as h comes over here for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.
Hugs to you Cinders.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
C, Yes, it is a very strange feeling when you are not part of the "family" scenario any longer. It's difficult to hear them talk about visiting the inlaws and there you are, home alone, while they are playing house and family. Not easy.
How not to become a bitter woman? You have to learn to forgive him for his behavior and accept him for who he is today. Remember the goods times that you shared and yes, look upon your little ones as the treasures that came out of that relationship. In time, the hurt will ease, but you will never forget what transpired. Forgiveness is the first step towards letting it go and getting on w/your life. Once you've done this, everything will become easier for you. You still haven't detached enough from his drama to allow you to look at him as just a friend now and not your h. I know, easier than it is. Time will assist w/this. Keep the focus on you and your children.
Hugs!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It amazes me how these ow can just step in when the men they date are still married and not even divorced. I would be ashamed to show my face to his parents and kids on a day when it is about family, not adulterous relationships.
Snodderly is correct about the forgiveness but I know how terribly upsetting it is for you.
They sure are making their Christmas plans early, aren't they?
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Christmas. Ouch. I can't even imagine, but I should try because I am sure its coming for me too.
I agree with MWG, it just shocks me how these other people (mostly the OW, you RARELY hear about OM wanting to take over that father/husband role, huh?) can live their lives in that way.
It is as if they (ow) are trying to run your life and that of the kids by making plans for you............makes me angry just writing and thinking of it.
Of course, he is doing this as well and I blame both of them for putting Cinders thru this--making plans over two months away. Maybe stall on giving them a yes or no OR how about you ask the kids what THEY want to do.
Last edited by MidwesternGirl; 10/12/0803:44 PM.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Hi Cinders, I haven't been posting much, but I still follow along and you continue to amaze me with your strength and kindness. You know, if your H asks you for a request out of the blue, such as the Xmas plans, don't feel the need to jump to a response for him. Take the time for yourself to figure out what you want/need. A simple " I haven't thought about it yet; I'll get back to you," is enough. I think your H tends to push you, in his "nice" way ( this kind of niceness I can live without), and you can ( and should) take care of yourself first. Just my 2 cents.
"The Happy life of H and ow" have asked for the following....
To be able to have the kids Christmas day and the day after that (26th...it's also a Christmas day here !) and he wanted them for New Year's, but I don't want to have to miss my kids that day...and night.
OUCH! That is a lot to ask for!!! It must be that time of year…my H is also asking about our son on Christmas day. He wants our son in the morning .. After careful consideration I have decided like you, the afternoon is better.
Last year we did the same. It was nice for our son to go off for a few hours in the afternoon. I tidied up, washed up and then went for a massive long walk. I really enjoyed the day. When son came back at 8pm I was refreshed the house was all tidy.
Christmas can be difficult though.
I count my blessings that OW is not involved in my sons life as yet.
Cinders, my advice to you would be decide what would make Christmas best for you and your children. What is left offer to him. It is vitally important to ensure that your children’s mother has a good Christmas. She is the main carer. She is the one that carries the often heavy burden of parenthood. It is she that needs taking care of this Christmas. Don’t feel guilty that he doesn’t have it all his own way. Remember this is a choice he made not you.
Nutty x
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
