I'm still rather new around here getting my ground and figuring things out. You said something in your last statement "who abducted my husband and replaced him with this guy? where did my real husband go?" I have been wondering the same thing. My H says things completely out of character. He actually told me one day that marriage is nothing and he could get married as many times as he changes his underwear. I mean really. He compared marriage to underwear. My H has ALWAYS held marriage in high regard and loved talking about me and our kids. I have no idea who this man is anymore and he seems to take pride in the fact I don't know him anymore. I feel for you regarding the drug use. Although its not the best way to deal with things, this may be a way for him to get through all of this. He may be depressed in which many people drown their depression in substance abuse. I think its great that he at least shares information with you. This is a good thing. The more he's sharing the more you know and can sort of figure out where he is at. Anyway, I wish you and your daughter the best.
I see many positives in your story. The fact that he is sharing with you and still loves and misses you is GREAT! True, he may be confused now, but as you said, perhaps the confusion may not be about you but about other issues. If you both keep things open, I think communication is very good. It may not seem like it, but the fact you both talk to each other is good. And about the pot thing...perhaps this is just his way to escape his depression and negative feelings. Not this is a healthy or positive way to deal, this may just be why. And if you believe he is high, sometimes you may be able to get more information out of him, unless he is completely out of it, then there is no used in talking to him. I don't mean to sound mean about using his being high toyour advantage, but I think its possible. Anyway, I wish you and your daughter the best! Good luck to you.
I am sorry to hear you are also in this predicament. It is an uphill battle, but I am working towards realizing I need to focus on myself first. I am learning the DB techniques not to let go, but give both of us the space we need to heal. I pray he sees the light, but right now, I am here as his friend and nothing more. I must show him I am strong and happy with myself.
Lately, he is going out of his way to reach out. Calling to talk to our daughter and then speaking to me, emailing me with random topics, commenting on my own facebook photos with our daughter and me in them. Not sure what to make of this, but I take them as positive signs, but not trying to read too much.
Then on the flip side he can be somewhat rude.
My husband and I do video chat or phone call with our daughter every night. Sometimes he does a call because he is out.
He hangs with his friends and usually stays at one of their places at least once a week. Today he told me he will be out and we can do video chat from his friend's place.
I am not sure how to feel about this. I am pretty sure the friend is one who smokes out and that is why he is staying. I also believe it is because he is busy cleaning our house. It is on the market now and he does not want it to get messed up. I tried to get out of the chat, but he says he is never too busy to talk with his baby.
Sometimes I think he does it to make me jealous. He is very open about his plans, but doesn't tell me all the details. I pretend I don't care. I figure if it was something really shady, he wouldn't invite a video chat at the friend's into the equation. This is something he has never done before. He usually just says he will call.
I am doing my part to leave him alone. I don't go out of my way to talk with him about anything but business.
I also know he is home the majority of the time including late Fri and Sat. night. Not sure if he is alone, but he is spending that time writing comments on his pages. Not quite the actions of someone who has a full social life. So I am not sure what to think. Ugh, not even sure why I care anymore.
He is staying at a friend's house this week as our house is officially on the market. There is an open house this weekend and he wants it spotless in case people stop by during the week. I am trying to refrain from asking him where he is staying, etc. I don't need to know and at the same time, want him to wonder why I don't ask (which I would have done before).
The funny thing is that with his issues, if I act or tell him I don't care, I know that would be like a dagger to him. He has acted hurt before when I have expressed this, even after all that has happened. I think it still stems from his abandonment issues, and the pain of thinking I don't care anymore.
My therapist feels that based on some of his statements, he believes I would be there waiting if he changes his mind. I need to show him this is not the case by just leaving him alone and acting like I don't care.
What do you do when you husband can start showing signs of improvement, calling, emails, etc, and then all of a sudden act like a jerk, says he doesn't want to talk, etc? I don't want to talk but then I have to because of our daughter. The whole time he acts annoyed, etc. How do I balance his moodiness without taking it so personally?
He just told his sister that our relationship has been going really good, and then he tries and destroys any goodwill by being a jerk. None of this makes sense. His behavior is of that of a totally different person.
