....what do you think you will end up with? {I mean other than a face full of sand.}
You have an absent spouse who is either threatening to file for divorce or has done so. You can ignore it {stick your head in the sand} or you can do your research and see what your rights are.{be prepared} In negotiations the person who has done the most research and is the most prepared has the advantage. Contacting a lawyer to discuss the process and your rights doesn't mean you are agreeing to a divorce. It means you are acting responsibly and doing what you have to do to protect yourself and your children in the event of an actual filing. Researching your rights takes the mystery out of the situation for you. Perhaps even making it a bit less frightening because so much is no longer unknown.
Being prepared does not mean that you will drive your absent spouse to a lawyer. You won't be discussing your research with them anyways. That falls under the heading of *If you don't want a divorce, don't bring it up* {to your absent spouse, that is} Being prepared means that you are doing what you need to do to make sure you don't get screwed. You can still Divorce Bust and do no harm even while educating yourself about the process.
My X walked out twice. The first time he was gone for 7 weeks. He moved back into our house where he stayed for 1 year and 4 months. I have always said that had my X divorced me during that first 7 weeks SWL would have gotten screwed. During the time he was back in the house {but not truly home} I got smart. I educated myself. I found out what I was entitled to by law. I didn't get screwed when he moved out that last time and eventually filed. Why not? Because I was the most prepared for the negotiations. {I can't stand having sand up my nose}
Don't be afraid to find out where you stand legally. It won't cause anything to spontaneously happen other than keeping the sand out of your face. ~ swl
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
SWL, I couldn't have said it better. Please don't be afraid to see advice and do your homework! It's important to protect yourself and knowledge is most definitely power when dealing with a spouse that is bouncing off the walls.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
