Does he call you, or you call him? If it's you calling him, then maybe try to wait and see if the convo is different when he calls you to initiate convos.
no, he only calls me in the mornings...he called to talk to the kids this morning, and then to me. We talked for about 5 min i guess about my financial sitch and how he was going to try and help me.
If he texts now it is only to say hey how are you...thats it. I say fine, he says good. Nothing else the rest of day unless I say something, then he only gives answers....like I can say hows ur business going? he would say, fine....thats it. I think most people would have said "fine and yours?" Stuff like that. I dont know, its all one sided conversations.
Drives me nuts. I guess I do just need to let him be for a while. He did have an appt today and thats all he would say, then i asked what kind of appt, he then said "honestly with the lawyer"
I just said ok. I have not replyed to his comments or anything out of anger or being upset today. Normally I would have been crying asking him about seeing someone else or just mad and would have stopped talking. I think my response about the lawyer was even different. I think I surprise him on how i reacted to it today. But still he hasnt really talked to me. Ive tried to just deal with the way things are today.
I dont like it, but Im dealing with reality and the reality is he is gone, talking to the lawyer, getting papers ready to sign, looking for someone else. He is moving on. Not looking back at me anymore. Why, I dont know. It was only a month or so ago he said to me "if things dont work out with OW and you dont interfer, I will give US 100%.
So, Im just confused on his behaviour. AND not to mention him coming to church.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I talked to my H. His lawyer had questions about why I asked for half his retirement, when he didnt want any of my business.
I guess my H explained that he just wanted to make sure me and the kids were taken care of and he understood he was entitled to half of the business.
Lawyer wants H to just take out a loan to pay me for half retirement to avoid fees or something like that....and it isnt even half. I deserve way more than what he is saying and I told him that werent even half and that I had to look out for me and the kids. HE said he was just relaying what the lawyer told me. and that he told him he would just talk to me about it. I told him that I was giving up alimony and even the right to claim one child a year. If his lawyer wanted me to give H half the business then, we would do every thing that Way! H is cooporative with me, but his lawyer isnt seeing the big pic here of what I am giving up. I know my H will give me what I want, but he is thinking, why should he have to give up half his retirement to just get rid of his wife! lol Well, your the one who wanted this buddy!!
But H was very nice about it and just wants us both to avoid fees and mess.
Neither one of us know what to do.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Kissa, My H still lives at home, but he treats me about like yours does. Why he is still at home, I have no idea--money, maybe? I don't think so, because even though we are in debt up to our eyeballs, it doesn't stop him from spending a good (or bad) $500.00 a month on OW-related stuff; OW wants desperately for him to move out so she can move in with him. Doesn't tell me anything unless he has to (for example, when he is going out of town to be with OW, who lives five hours away, he calls and leaves me a message while he's en route so I won't worry when he doesn't come home for a couple of days--doesn't even have the guts to tell me in person, even though I never react more than just "OK"). He invariably responds to my friendly, non-pressuring questions like "anything interesting happen today?" with "No" or "Fine" as applicable, doesn't ask me anything about my life, usually. Never touches me or treats me with any warmth whatsoever, although he is nominally polite.
Sorry, I'm venting on your thread. I don't have any answers about this, but at least you're not alone, for what it's worth...
Peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
Hey Dawn...You know my H was affectionte to me somewhat last night when he brought the kids home. He knew about how bad my day had been and gave me a hug. But that was it. But it was nice that he cared. I know he cares and is just a mixed up individual. BUT I dont think I could do what you are doing. But then again, Im not in that sitch. My life is more peaceful with him on the outside. I think I am just going to back off for a while. He has the kids this weekend. So, I will make myself not available. I probably wont even go to TKD with the kids on that saturday. We are trying to figure out how to work it out since he is moving a good 10 minutes away, how i will get the kids for church. I dont want to have to drive 10 min out of the way to get them. I think he should bring them to me and pick them back up...but I dont know.
lol, at least I dont have to worry about this OW he is talking to now....since she is in another country.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Well, another day has come. Im still here and I am getting stronger. I read on Charlene cares newletter today that it is alright to cry. To go to the Lord and just cry and let him comfort you. Dont hold it in, just let it out. It made me feel better to have read that today. I really needed that couple of down days to just get it all out.
SO, today I am back to focusing on the diet. Gotta get the 15 pounds off Ive gained back!! Might as well start now before i have 50 to lose! Gotta get back into my jeans this fall.
I have heard more from my H today. The kids called him this morning and he spoke with them briefly, i let the kids know that I didnt need to speak to him right now...so I just texted him good morning about an hour later. I got one back and I just tried to stay upbeat and I told him I hoped he has a great day! He just said U2, then about 5 min later he said "I hope you have a good day too". Then he texted again and said "did I ask how you are today" I said Im good thanks for asking. He said, sorry I should have asked sooner. I said it was ok, then he texted "ok good". Then I asked if he was ok and he said he wasnt great, but ok. So, he is down again today. I think he needs to go back on his meds. His moods are so down to me lately. He isnt his happy perky self. He thinks its just because he has changed, Im beginning to think he is depressed and isnt recognizing it as that. HE called me last night too just to ask if I was going to watch the kids for him saturday so he could go to class. I said yes, but I hated that he wasnt spending his time with them on his weekends. He didnt really argue, but said that I had just told him to ask me first when he needed someone to watch them. He was very mellow acting. Said he had to go and would maybe call me back later. He didnt though.
He is going to finish packing up his house tonight. He will start staying in his camper tomorrow night. I dont know why he waited till the last minute to do this. He even was off half a day yesterday. So he probably wont come to tkd tonight. He only comes about twice a month now.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I asked for God to send a christian into my H's life to maybe lead him down the right road.
NOT A 29, blonde who is a missionary!
Im so sick to my stomach now.
He showed me a pic of her. Of course I asked.
She is gorgeous.
ugh.
She will be back in the country in 2 weeks. They are going to go out. She will be living an hour and a half away.
Im hoping the pic she sent him is fake.
I was so hurt, not only that she was young and beautiful, but a missionary. Well, he said she wont be when she gets back. BUT STILL.
I wish I knew what God's plan was for this.
I almost wish he was with the OW. At least she was ugly.
Of course I know it may never work with this mission girl, but I just hate it. Of course she may want nothing to do with him once she finds out things.
Just sucks though if he is to get his life finally straightened out and be with someone else.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I know exactly what you mean. the hard thing is stopping yourself from thinking about him and what he is doing with whom and how great it potentially is. You need to focus on you and what you are doing to make yourself happy. Change what you can. I know easier said than done, but with practice you can.
perhaps it is a lesson with respect to the poem about serenity and wisdom... or a lesson in behavioural therapy.. train yourself to focus on you! not him!
good luck... i am in a similar boat and am trying to do the same.
Hanging on... This isnt my H's first OW. He and her are no longer together and I now I have a whole new one to deal with.
Its like starting over again.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
A missionary? Someone who goes out and preaches the Word of God? I am scratching my head at this one.
I am glad you found the Charlyne email helpful today.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
