So my situation has progressed. Wife is now telling me she does not want "that" from me anymore. It makes her fill bad that I want her love but she cannot give it to me. She says she just doesn't have any attraction or interest in me, other then best friends. She wants to fill different but she doesn't.
She is now talking about separating. She wants us to date other people. (She never had that experience because we got together when she was 18) She also thinks the only chance we have of finding love again is if she can compare me to other people. She says she is pretty sure she would want to come back if I would take her. She claims all she wants to do is date other people, not have any kind of relationships.
This all sounds very suspicious to me. I have the feeling she is just leading me on so that she can go and see other people without guilt. I don't see how having the dating experience is going to bring us any closer. I think she is looking for more than just dating.
She then went on to say that we don't need to file for divorce because she thinks we will end up back together. She says it would not be that bad. She wants me to get an apartment and she will help me decorate it (what the fck!!). With two houses we can nest with our son. With her and I going back and forth from the apartment. She even wants us to keep our finances together. Is it me or is this all sound kind of crazy? Is she breaking it to me slowly that she wants out of this marriage?
I am not a DB pro and new here but to me this is classic wanting to have your cake and eat it too! She simply wants your permission..that way she can do it with as little guilt as possible.
I would find it very hard to beleive that she is just going to date. Maybe that's what she thinks right now but if she has convinced herself this is a workable solution then she'll convince herself it perfectly OK to do whatever she wants in the end and by then she has your permission. So it will be Ok and too late.
Yes she is tired of the responsibility and real life work that is a marriage. Maybe you both married too young? Maybe she is simply selfish. There are any number of reasons for it. It will be up to you! But if you go along with it be ready for everything that it entails. For example: when she does sleep with other men...how will that make you feel? Will you accept being a cuckold, laughed at and riddiculed ...just to stay married to her? How can you respect yourself after that and how could she really respect you if you allow it. How will her behavior then impact your child and what would that say to your child about you (Father) if you let her do that to you. No womam on earth is worth your self respect!
To me she is leading you down a dark alley that will not end well for you! My advice is that if she wants out of the marrige then fine..prepare to divorce her and let her go. Get a life of your own on your own terms and not those dictated to you by this selfish !@#%$.
Find yourself a women you can trust and love and that will return that love equally. When your W see this is not a game it may change her mind but you have to really mean it and not be bluffing. Get a life, grow into who you really are and not what she has let you be and live life to the fullest. Never be mean or spiteful just have enough self respect to not let her do this to you. She is thinking of no one but herself in everything she is telling you.
Others may disagree but I think she is just setting you up....why would you want her back after she has been with mnay others and laughing at you behind your back the whole time. Think about it. It's your decision. What will make you happy now and in the long run.
Vorlon
M: 50, W: 48 M: 26 yrs S:25, D:24, S:20, D:19 Hard at work on my marriage everyday! There is hope, there is life, it is the only life we have....
I wish it was that easy. If I could just rip her out of my life then it would be easier. But since we have son with medical issues (he was born premature) she is going to be in my life forever!! I'm pretty sure I could guilt her into staying. I could convince her to stay together for my son. She say's she is not unhappy but she is just not happy. But, would this be good for any of us if she stayed in a marriage that she was not happy with?
I wish it was that easy. If I could just rip her out of my life then it would be easier. But since we have son with medical issues (he was born premature) she is going to be in my life forever!! I'm pretty sure I could guilt her into staying. I could convince her to stay together for my son. She say's she is not unhappy but she is just not happy. But, would this be good for any of us if she stayed in a marriage that she was not happy with?
Hi, what about going to MC, & learning to meet each others needs, so that you both could be happy ??
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I wish it was that easy. If I could just rip her out of my life then it would be easier. But since we have son with medical issues (he was born premature) she is going to be in my life forever!! I'm pretty sure I could guilt her into staying. I could convince her to stay together for my son. She say's she is not unhappy but she is just not happy. But, would this be good for any of us if she stayed in a marriage that she was not happy with?
Hi, what about going to MC, & learning to meet each others needs, so that you both could be happy ??
I really do feel your pain and frustration. You are going to have to do something that is painful. It will be painful eaither way. There is not an easy solution here and that is what is making it so difficult. You can not avoid pain in this situation. What you can do is decide to takle action and live by your convictions. Remember this: A happy marrige is the best gift you can give your child. But a terrible marriage based on guilt or obligation will bring out the worst in the both of you and that will be passed on the your innocent child. The child will be impacted by the negatives and it will be then a part of him the rest of his life. It will impact how they form relationships and the expectations they have for themselves and others.
I'm not saying to immediately divorce her. What I'm saying is you can not put up with the solution she has chosen for you. I suggest you lay down firm boundries of what is acceptable behavior in your marriage. Then stand by them. Get into MC ASAP. If you really can't change the relationship then get out. You can be a great father with out her.
I know the medical issues are tough but the marriage and the child are her responsibility as well. When you decided to marry someone and have a child it is a huge responsibility. You both must discharge your responsibilities. But that doesn't mean you must give up your life and happiness so she can have a free pass.
Good luck my friend,
Vorlon
This advice may well end your marriage. It's better to work through the steps to improve the relationship are are in.
