Well, M from Tennessee invited me over from Newcomers, the decision to D has been made. W signed lease on apartment yesterday. says she can move in Nov 1.
at this point i say good ridance. the past few months have shown me that i really dont like her much. the aliens have taken over, the OM is feeding her with lies and anger.
the lawyers are waiting in the wings to start the process. W's lawyer convinced her i have been hiding my money, W convinced lawyer i'm manipulative, have traumatized her, have abused her throughout our entire relationship. Lawyer told her she'll get W all she deserves.
so the assets will be distributed.
but my D2.75 is my most important asset. I will not give up custody, let them bankrupt us both, i'll fight this one to the end. Hopefully my W will show a bit of morals/ethics and not try to take her from me. 50/50 joint custody and residential time is ok with me. anything less and i think it'll get ugly.
if anyone can give me some pointers for the lawyers and custody, i'd greatly appreciate it.
My friend, hang in there.... I know how very tough this whole process is....
You need to let go of STBX, your M and take care of your D.... I would let your L handle everything, step back and handle it as a business transaction.... I know that sounds cold... However, that is just the way it is....
As for your STBX, I do not buy into the "alien propaganda"... I believe she is just showing you her true colors.....
I wish you and your D all the very best.
Take Care,
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
all the drinks are on their way. and thanks for the warm welcome. where do i get my T-shirt?
alien abduction or true colors. i guess true colors in the respect that W has always been easy to sway and this is what the OM did - spent the past months always filling her head with how i've abused her, neglected her, manipulated, intimidated. she's not really good at seeing people's intentions, naive in that respect.
I've gone far letting go of the STBX, not completely disconnected yet. its an odd feeling, the past months since the bomb i've tried to hard to reconnect, and then one day after a conversation with a mutual friend i realized theres just no point anymore and i flicked the switch.
ok, business transactions, let the Ls take care of it. got it.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
Finding a good L is a smart thing. They have seen all of this before, and will think of things you couldn't even begin to guess at.
Set up your own schedule with your D now. I know of people who documented their time with the kids, as it may set a precedent. Get all of your financials to your L before you are asked for it - be an open book, and that will shut the other L up.
Concentrate on yourself and your D. Look for an in-person support group if you think it may help. You can meet others who have gone this way, plus people who can help fill in a bit when you are being the single-dad (like knowing who to call for a babysitter, best pre-schools, etc.) It can give your D someone to talk to who's parents are apart, as well, although at her age, she should adjust pretty well in the short term.
Lastly, GAL for those times when you are on your own. List out things that you are grateful for, then push yourself to add to the list.
This is a good place. Sorry that you find yourself here.
alien abduction or true colors. i guess true colors in the respect that W has always been easy to sway and this is what the OM did - spent the past months always filling her head with how i've abused her, neglected her, manipulated, intimidated. she's not really good at seeing people's intentions, naive in that respect.
Ken,
You need to realize one can be swayed only if one wants to be.... Okay, I'll give you an "out there" example......
Some dude comes up to a guy..... He starts a conversation...... The two converse for a while...... The one dude asks the other dude back to his place to spend the night.....
If he is NOT "open" to being in a gay R with another man... He is going to say anything from...
Go F#c@ off!!!!! to I am flattered but no thanks.....
He is not going to all of a sudden become gay because someone asks.........
I have known some very attractive married people.... Both men and woman who get hit on like CRAZY.. Yet, they would NEVER even consider cheating... That is just who they are.....
As a matter of fact, Wifey was hit on last week at Wal-Mart.... Some dude was telling her how "beautiful" she is...... She said she just did her best to get away from him..... That is the difference between being protective of your M and being open to other offers...
Finally, if someone of the opposite sex wants to jump into the middle of your M..... Is that NOT a clear sign of someone attempting to manipulate you? Shouldn't you be taking your issues to your spouse?
RMG
Last edited by RMG; 09/22/0806:13 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
Well...here's the odd thing...I've already got this T-shirt from my previous M...that M didn't end horribly (as this one may), but the issues were similar - D and a child.
The main mistake I made back then was not doing enough to protect my rights as a father - that's changed since then - but it's really vital to let a good L do the work - when it gets emotional, when you try to be compassionate or do what is right - you can unintentionally set yourself up to be hit hard. My first W did that - we were civil, agreed to so many things, and then when her L got involved - it was like someone suddenly started hurling chitt at me - and I just could not believe that she was a willing participant - but she way - and it made a civil D into a short-term nightmare.
Hang in there - stay strong - and continue to be true to the man that you've become. You're a good man, KenF - and your W and L will be oligated to doubt it and try to harm your positive impressions of yourself - so be sure to prepare for that possibility - some things you have said in the past - some things that could in no way have been harmful - may come up now as examples of you're being a harmful person - it's mad making - but you have to keep the anger under control.
We're here for you...even though my D from first marriage was nine years ago...I remember how it felt...and I also know how wonderful my relationship is with my S11 despite that D.
In spite of illness, in spite even our arch-enemy sorrow, one can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things, and happy in small ways
Edith Wharton, A Backward Glance
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
