I am just in the beginning stages of DB'ing, mostly to better myself for the future. I have been of the mindset that I want the divorce that she is asking for; because I am tired of dealing with the W. I know that in some areas I contributed; but she had impossible demands in the money area as she couldn't stop spending. Therefore I couldn't completely satisfy her, though I tried. Anyway different story; I digress.
After having her here interacting with children this weekend; I feel that I might be waffling.
I would like to hear from anyone who was a LBS with a WAS that had multiple affairs and successful DB'ed back to a happy marriage. Just don't want to close the door completely without trying everything possible and I want to know if anybody has had a similar sitch that was overcome. The family is very important to me and I would love it to survive. I'm not optimistic at this point.
MarriedCrazy, First, Welcome to the DB family; everyone here is so welcoming and friendly. I am truly sorry you have found yourself here, but I hope you find the feedback you are searching for to make the decisions that will be best for you and your family.
Dbing is making changes within yourself (180's); from there, the ultimate goal is having your S see these changes and like them! I hope you will be optimistic, until there are two signatures on D papers, nothing is final.
Stop and think then react. Take it one day at a time.
Most importantly take care of yourself and your children.
cdbmod
"When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion"
"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing to do. But to hold it together when everyone would understand if you fell apart,that's true strength"
I just discovered this morning that she continues to lie (which is no surprise) and has another OM. Possibly this guy she calls her lawyer. No facts on this as of yet.
So it will take a miracle from God at this point to change my sitch.
I have been normally quick to react. But when I discovered the texts this morning;(She's lying to him as well)I held my breath and just went on as normal.
I am considering cutting off her cell phone and providing her with one of those phones that will only call certain numbers. She can't afford her own cell phone and I want her to have something so that when the kids are with her she can contact me.
I read somewhere here in the forums that I cannot control what she does; but I can control what I will finance. And I will pay for my WAW to have conversations with another man. I just want to do it in a way where it doesn't tip off that I have seen the texts between her and her new OM. Mainly because I suspect that it might be the lawyer she went to see. I would like to bust that out in a meeting about the divorce.
Well, I guessing that most people who dealt with multiple affairs didn't care to save their marriage. I know that there appears many of us are in denial for awhile and want to salvage something at any costs. But I assume that most are like me; and at this point there is nothing to salvage. She cares nothing about the family except to use it for her benefit.
My H has had multiple affairs, AND I am not succesful yet, but have had days to think and realize, I am fully intent on dbing my marriage, saving it, and am gonna be sucessful.
saying, I am chosing to do this, my heart is all in it, my brain is with help from people here, gonna make it, and if I cant do it, I can honestly and peacefully say thru my tears, i tried my best.
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
My H has had multiple affairs, AND I am not succesful yet, but have had days to think and realize, I am fully intent on dbing my marriage, saving it, and am gonna be sucessful.
saying, I am chosing to do this, my heart is all in it, my brain is with help from people here, gonna make it, and if I cant do it, I can honestly and peacefully say thru my tears, i tried my best.
You are truly an amazing person for keeping up the work.
I've trying to save my M for over 2 years; I really wish I had found this site back then. Maybe our M would have stood a chance with my changing my ways. Obviously, what I have been doing is working. I know that it is not my fault for her A's; but maybe a change in me could have prevented the repeat occurrences. But who knows? It's probably just in her blood.
