Hi! I'm not sure how many of you might get the PARADE insert in the Sunday newspaper; but, in today's PARADE, they had an article titled "The Truth About American Marriage". I just thought I would share some of the information in the article w/ you.
PARADE conducted a poll of married couples. The information is based on their poll. I did not see where they stated how many couples they had polled. Below are their findings:
88%of the people said they were happy or reasonably content in their marriages. 12% ranked their marriages as miserable or wished they could get out.
When asked why they stayed married, 71% said "deep love", 73% said "companionship", 30% said either because of financial reasons or because it was too much trouble to get out.
Half of the couples described their marriages as "loving and joyful" and 1/3 described their marriage as "peaceful coexistence". About 7% described their marriage as unhappy or hostile.
More men said they were happy w/ their marriage. About 70% of the men said they never think about leaving their wives, but about 1/2 of the women said they think about leaving their husbands at least occasionally-sometimes daily!
Men did admit to straying more than women. About 1/4 of the men said they had had sex outside of the marriage (or refused to answer the question). 11% of the women said they had cheated (4% avoided the question). 69% said they had remained faithful because they were committed to their spouse.
Of those who admitted to cheating, 61% of the men said they had had sex w/ 2 or more people outside of the marriage. 14% said they had had 5 or more partners. 55% of the women who had cheated had had sex w/ only one person outside of their marriage.
Most Americans have said that they would stay in a marriage, even if their spouse had cheated. The article states that among both the men and women, more than 1/2 said that if they suspected their spouse was unfaithful, they would confront him/her and try to save the marriage. Only 9% said they would "leave immediately".
The article also states: "When a spouse is unfaithful, the sexual and emotional betrayal experienced by the partner usually is accompanied by anger about the dishonesty and deception involved." (Duh, you think?)
Anyway, no major point to this other than to just share the information. The article caught my attention....I found it kinda interesting. Not really sure how accurate the information is, as I said it was based on a poll by PARADE.
88%of the people said they were happy or reasonably content in their marriages. 12% ranked their marriages as miserable or wished they could get out.
Well this I don't understand seeing the divorce rate is now at 51%
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When asked why they stayed married, 71% said "deep love", 73% said "companionship", 30% said either because of financial reasons or because it was too much trouble to get out.
Ok this statistic sounds like it could be right
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Half of the couples described their marriages as "loving and joyful" and 1/3 described their marriage as "peaceful coexistence". About 7% described their marriage as unhappy or hostile.
Again, I don't get this
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More men said they were happy w/ their marriage. About 70% of the men said they never think about leaving their wives, but about 1/2 of the women said they think about leaving their husbands at least occasionally-sometimes daily!
Well shoot we all through our hands up in the air at times and consider leaving, but we wouldn't really do it. Now I'll grant you. Everday is a bit much!
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Men did admit to straying more than women. About 1/4 of the men said they had had sex outside of the marriage (or refused to answer the question). 11% of the women said they had cheated (4% avoided the question). 69% said they had remained faithful because they were committed to their spouse.
Of those who admitted to cheating, 61% of the men said they had had sex w/ 2 or more people outside of the marriage. 14% said they had had 5 or more partners. 55% of the women who had cheated had had sex w/ only one person outside of their marriage.
Most Americans have said that they would stay in a marriage, even if their spouse had cheated. The article states that among both the men and women, more than 1/2 said that if they suspected their spouse was unfaithful, they would confront him/her and try to save the marriage. Only 9% said they would "leave immediately".
These statistics I really question since I do think that most times people just aren't honest about their affairs.
Hi, Bethie! No, I do not think you are jaded. I, myself, question the "accuracy" of the poll. I just thought it was "interesting" and was kinda curious what others' opinions were.
I'm glad you did post this. I always find this stuff interesting. I guess we view this stuff a little differently when we "get it". I'm sure a few years ago I wouldn't have questioned a thing.
It's kind of like with Oprah. Did you see the show that she just did on cheating husbands? It was good but they wanted to tie it all up in a neat little package. No one addressed what happens when your spouse has gone through an MLC or that there are people who are just very damaged. They wanted to say that the main reason is because people don't feel valued. Why? Could it be an excuse or because they grew up feeling as if they weren't enough? What about the spouses who are searching? They go through multiple relationships on their quest but they still can't get that love bank feeling because they don't love themselves. I do get it and in certain instances I can see it, but it's certainly not an across the board answer.
So there was an interesting review in last Sunday's NYT book review. It was discussing "September Songs: The Good News about Marriage in the Later Years" by Maggie Scarf. Here are some of the points that struck me:
Scarf suggests that many long-married people may have simply learned to live with the 'background hum' of a partner's habitual complaints. But she also reports that some of the optimism and sense of well-being among older couples (50- to 75-year-old) could be linked to changes in the brain that "allow greater selective control over negative emotions."
Although divorce may put an end to daily bouts of enmity, studies show that a majority of divorced people don't seem much happier 5 years after the split than they were during the turmoil of togetherness.
Some of the couples interviewed had left previous relationships, and perhaps fear of another failure contributed to their effort in their present arrangement. Or maybe they've learned to "focus on what and who really mattered in the world of right now."
Their lives are hardly problem free. Children cause grief. Forced retirement causes restlessness. There are disagreements over everything. Compromise (sometimes one-sided) and forgiveness frequently come into play.
Thanks to modern medicine, almost 3 decades have been added to the average American life span since the start of the 20th century. To the surprise of the author and the reviewer, those additional years serve mostly to strengthen rather than sever the fraying tethers of marital commitment. _________
I haven't read the book, but I might pick it up. Any thoughts on these few things?
Fig, just wanted to say how right you are! "They" are all full of excuses...as well as some other "stuff". And, Yes, we all have choices. Some of us just make smarter ones.
I have to agree to some extent that divorced people are not any happier 5 years after a divorce. However, I think that probably applies more to the WAS. I say that because I, myself, have moved on w/ my life and am happier than I have EVER been. But, based on the things my children tell me, exH is still his usual hateful, ornery self. Of course, we have not been divorced 5 years, yet. Maybe he will be happier then.
I can't speak for anyone else; but, I do feel that I am more focused on the things that are REALLY important. I know the mistakes I made in my first marriage and I do not want to make them again in my new marriage. I also have learned not to take my marriage for granted. It is important to me that Bill not only hears me say "I love you", I want him to FEEL loved. My relationship w/ my children is stronger than ever...another relationship I do not take for granted.
I look forward to growing old w/ my new husband. (Although I am not in any hurry to age.) And, I look forward to watching our children grow up and marry and have children of their own.
Glad to know there really is "Good News about Marriage in the Later Years!"
