I agree not to bring it up; if she brings it up, then that indicates she is still thinking. No pressure right now.
If and when it does come back up, and she states her objections, you may want to do the broad brush strokes on what your plan is to keep from being unhappy; see if she picks up the ball at all and contributes. IE- you say "I was thinking we could go on a vacation to a sunny local" and she says "Oh, like Mexico, that would be nice" or whatever. If she doesn't pick up the ball, that's okay too. She may want YOU to do all the work since this was YOUR idea (to separate) and she may feel you have something to prove.
Having said that- women like strong men- don;t be a pushover or desperate. Whatever you say to her; do it from a position of knowledge and strength (ie, "I love my family, I love my wife and I can be part of the solution to make it work" vs "please take me back, I will do whatever you want. please!")
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
I think it's a good sign that she acknowledged she had received both emails. Think about it...if the situation were reversed and you knew you weren't at least a little receptive to reconciliation would you even acknowledge receipt of an email like that with out being asked out right? I don't think so, I think you would be relieved if she didn't bring it up and wouldn't reference it at all to avoid conflict. I also think she tested the waters a bit with the "what would you do if I asked you to come back to CT" thing...Trixi had great advice for how to answer that if your given the opportunity in the future.
Patience is going to be the key here...patience and consistency.
I also find it interesting that she called you to remind you of your son's b-day. As you say...like you would forget...maybe she just wanted a reason to call you.
I agree with what you and trixi say. I feel optimistic and don’t know if I should. I don’t want to read anything into it but I am. You know how your mind can play tricks on you.
The date was fine but noone I would be interested in. She was a bit boring.
I am also wondering about your h's letter ...why did he bring it up?
Me 49 W 38 M 12 T 16 Sep Mar 9 2008 2 Boys 7 and 10
Well...to make a long story short I have been kissing his behind for the last 7 or 8 months...taking all the blame...everything and anything I could do to make him want to come back and I finally hit a wall. He had just accused me of being insincere about wanting work with him on visitation with our D so I flipped my lid and basically let out every frustration I had about him. While I was reaming him he told him he was "working on a letter" for me but that it didn't matter now (I had just told him I hated him and didn't care about him anymore). When I asked what letter...he said his counselor told him he should write me a letter telling me everything he appreciated about me so he could get over the anger. I don't know if that is his counselors way of helping him to get over the R and move on or what, but I suppose I'll never know now. You're a man...any ideas what he might be thinking?
Now..on you being optimistic...it's okay to have a positive attitude as long as you don't delude yourself and you aren't unrealistic about things....I think you are handling things well
I wish I was handling things well. Last night and today have been miserable...Miss her …miss the kids. I want to call or email but I’m not going to. The kids have their own phone so I can’t even call her on the ploy I wanted to talk to the boys. I’m doing all my GAL stuff but I can’t get my mind off them. I was better before I wrote the damn Email. I was done and didn’t have a hope of getting back together. Now I have (what I believe is) false hope.
I sound like a teenager… but I had to get it off my chest. This is really the only outlet I have. I can’t talk to my friends about it. You know how guys are we have to put up that tuff front even if we are dying inside. I am sure this will pass Thanks for listening.
Me 49 W 38 M 12 T 16 Sep Mar 9 2008 2 Boys 7 and 10
I feel a little bad about encouraging you to write her that email if it ripped open the wound again. I'm sorry
Please come here and vent anytime...it's the same for me. Two days ago I thought I was pretty much done....now I don't know but he seems to be edging back towards him being done. I'm so frustrated! I had a convo with him this morning...if you have time later pop over to my thread and let me know your thoughts.
Hi CW... I'm Okay just haven’t been here lately.. I got to the point that I was spending to much time on this site, looking for answers. I have not talked to the W except for one time for about 30 seconds. I am going to get my kids for 4 days this weekend. Looking forward to that. Unfortunately I will have to see her at least to pick them up and drop them off. It just seems easier to deal with if I don't have any contact with her, as she is done with us. Not what I want by I did start all this. We'll see what the future holds. Thanks for thinking of me.
Me 49 W 38 M 12 T 16 Sep Mar 9 2008 2 Boys 7 and 10
Hi CW... I'm Okay just haven’t been here lately.. I got to the point that I was spending to much time on this site, looking for answers. I have not talked to the W except for one time for about 30 seconds. I am going to get my kids for 4 days this weekend. Looking forward to that. Unfortunately I will have to see her at least to pick them up and drop them off. It just seems easier to deal with if I don't have any contact with her, as she is done with the marriage. Not what I want but I did start all this. We'll see what the future holds. Thanks for thinking of me.
Me 49 W 38 M 12 T 16 Sep Mar 9 2008 2 Boys 7 and 10
