Digging in for the long haul. I believe I have refound myself and my goals. I review them every day to stay focused. Something that has building up inside of myself has finally hit. I am good with who I am, who I am becoming and will be fine no matter the outcome (actually better then before). As my C said the only way to walk through h@ll is to go straight through it or be burned for a long time. I am trying to spin this as best I can as growing pains, works most of the time.
As a side note to yesterday my W did say that she needed to get the D done with because she is tired of the pain. Interesting perspective on the whole thing.
D11 rode the bus to the house yesterday. So I had to go out and get her. She did not want to leave and had a pretty bad attitude. Finally got her going and gave her a speech on the way back. She calmed down and we had a good evening together. Rented a couple movies (Hoodwinked is pretty funny) got some take out and had a good night. We were going fishing this morning, but her stomach is hurting her. So sent her back to bed.
I will go and take her back to the W later. Drop her off, toss a truth dart and head back. Time to go out tonight and enjoy myself.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
Funny how you and I are in similar places. Up and down as usual.
I read on your last thread how in all other aspects of your life, fearless. I hear ya'. I posted before how I am such a strong person, reliable. People come to me for a strong shoulder. A lot of people look up to me. Always have.
But the wife can bring me to my knees. And it don't take much. I can't stand how I let her affect me. I don't let her see it, but when I'm alone. Thinking. Crying. Not constant, but I have my moments. Instead of dealing with it, I tend to occupy myself with people that I shouldn't be. But I try.
And the drinking. I'm drinking a hell of a lot more than I used to. A couple years ago, I decided to stay away from the bottle after an incident. Just beer. Socially. Now I'm drinking again. Seems like every Friday, going out and getting plastered and getting home at 3 or 4am. Nothing last night. Movie and dinner last night alone. Couple drinks.
Like you, I go back and forth on wanting to keep fighting and giving up on her. Ultimately, we keep fighting.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
I hear you. I have been keeping up with you on your thread. Damn women and their powers. I am going to take mine back. I hate the thinking crying thing. I watched the 40 yo Virgin last night and towards the end it all started up. When there is nothing going on and I am just drive around at work is the worst, that and dangerous.
My W called earlier wondering what time I was going to drop off D11. Her dad from CA was going to be there soon. That my nephew had got an eight point buck this morning and maybe her sister would be back with the pics. I kept it short and pleasant.
I just dropped D11 a little while ago. Her dad had arrived along with a friend of his. Talked briefly with both of them, told SD16 hi got some cologne from the back bathroom.
I then went out in the living room and made D11 laugh some and gave her a big hug and kiss goodbye. Told her dad and friend by. Told my wife I would talk to her later. She said well, you can stay if I want to. I just no thanks I am going to go lay down for a bit. Which is true. I am heading out tonight, not taking any calls and enjoy myself as best I can.
I was able to keep it all light-hearted and upbeat with a big grin and polite attitude. Knowing my W that little interaction and the spring in my step will start to drive her crazy wondering what is going on.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
No, you are not "waiting to see if he decides to come back." You are "moving on with your life, as if he is no longer in it." You are moving on down the path, and NOT looking constantly over your shoulder to see if he's following you. You walk down it righteously, carrying a lantern to shine a light back toward your marriage, but you otherwise make no effort to attract him. One day you may feel a tap on your shoulder, but maybe not. And on that day, you may decide to take him back.
Or maybe not.
PDT, that is one of the things that jumped out at me while reading different threads. I took the long way to figure this out, but it is so true.
Quote:
Knowing my W that little interaction and the spring in my step will start to drive her crazy wondering what is going on.
Maybe, maybe not. I just have to fight for D11 and myself and continue to do the right thing. Everything else will go the way it was meant to go.
Last edited by yenko69; 09/21/0810:52 PM.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
What a long day it has been. Had to go to a call about a threat due to a supposed affair. Life does try to throw those curve balls. It was a great weekend though. Saw some people I had not seen for awhile, both sat night and sun.
I called to talk to D11. My W answered pretty much just told her hi, asked her how she was doing. She said pretty good but sounded really stressed and pissy. D11 did not want to talk, she was being a brat. My W can't get her to do anything or keep her attitude in check. (W was always amazed that I could get the girls to do stuff and she never could) I just told her to have D11 call after while.
About 30 min later my W called asking about something unimportant. Then talked about D11 some. My W said that this is how she is all the time. That I would not know that because I was not around. I don't know what she has to go through.
I do have the right answers for that, but I am really to tired for it. I might of jumped into the pit with her so I just asked her to see if D11 would talk.
D11 finally did talk to me. She was still being a brat and her and the W got into a couple yelling matches. I did correct D11's behavior (both towards me and my W) and said I would be out tomorrow night. I was able to calm her down and get her to drop the attitude. D11 said that she would do the things she needed to get done. Maybe, maybe not.
Time to relax for awhile.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
I did agree that D11 needs to stop the yelling and listen more to my W. Which D11 does need to do. She has been kind of a mess lately, except when she is with me. I feel sorry for the girl, but I don't allow the attitude.
Last edited by yenko69; 09/23/0812:44 AM.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
But that is between your W and her. My ex had/has this annoying habit of always saying listen to your Mother. Well that just took his authority away and I was/am already the disciplinarian. If I am not there it is kinda of hard to enforce what he is saying, you know.
Good luck with all of that.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I did agree that D11 needs to stop the yelling and listen more to my W. Which D11 does need to do. She has been kind of a mess lately, except when she is with me. I feel sorry for the girl, but I don't allow the attitude.
We are also the same in this regard. You prob. read when I got on my S14 last weekend. The same for D11. Her and the wife have been butting heads much more often.
I wonder why. I do have to correct her sometimes. Other times, I let it play out as long as it doesn't get ugly. Letting the wife fix her own mess.
Most of the time, I do say something though. The wife is going to have to be fixing her R with the kids for a long time to come. Especially D11.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
