Healing my Heart 5

[fightingirish]

Hey guys.. locked up... I wanted to post this song.. I love it.

I hope you’re doing fine out there without me
‘Cause I’m not doing so good without you
The things I thought you’d never know about me
were the things I guess you always understood
So how could I have been so blind for all these years
And this I only see the truth through all this fear living without you

And anything I have in this world
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

I can’t take another day without you
‘Cause, baby, I could never make it on my own
I’ve been waiting so long just to hold you
And to be back in your arms where I belong
I’m sorry I can’t always find the words to say
When anything I’ve ever known gets swept away
Cause I don’t go a lot

And everything I have in this world
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

And every day alone I see
Some is standing still for me
And you’re not here
I’m sorry I can’t always find the words to say
When anything I’ve ever known gets swept away
Cause I don’t go a lot

And everything I have in this world
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

~3 Doors Down

[Sara]

That is a cool song. I guess I get a drink. It's still early for me, I'll just take coffee with Bailey's.

TAL, I want to throw this out there while things are good between you and your H. You are both hot-tempered people, and arguments develop between you very fast. You need to try hard to remember this good feeling that you have now. He isn't going to change, so you can expect him to be critical of you again at the drop of a hat. You need to keep in mind that you love him, and not allow yourself to get too angry when he does criticize you. Maybe if you had a discussion about this dynamic he could understand how he pushes your buttons and makes you so angry. But I really don't expect that even if he understood, he would change his behavior.

[fightingirish]

Sara,

Yes your right we are. Very excitable people. I know he isn't going to change, I have to change the way I react. That may help the way he goes about it. Believe me I have no expectations. But I only know what I can control about myself.

Perfect example, yesterday I had alot of work in the moring, and he was asking me for something else, and he wasn't mean or anything, but I was feeling a bit overwhelmed so I told him that and I was doing the best I could at the moment for what I had to get out before my Bid deadline. He actually was responsive and backed off. Yes this may not happen again but it was nice for that moment.

[JAK58]

Tal,

His reaction to your action.

Makes a difference Sara's got a good point.
I know we all get so frustrated and the norm is to get defensive but, I am learning to see things from H's eye(trying anyway) Even as crazy as he may be with his MLC right now.

I have to call ya.

JAK

[fightingirish]

Thanks Jak

Thats my mo is getting defensive. Too much so. I've gotten better over the years, but its still there. I feel like I have to protect myself and defend myself, who else is going to.

[NoCodeBlues]

Hi, Tal,

Just checking in on you. I hope you're having a great weekend.

I've been thinking about my own urge to defend myself, how that has evolved over the years. I used to be a lot more meek, internalizing a lot. I used to practice a lot more humility too. Over time I have come to feel that if I didn't stand up for myself, no one would. And while I feel that to still be true, I think I have mellowed quite a lot. Eating a lot of humble pie might have contributed to that.

But then meekness is not the same as weakness. To be meek means to reserve one's ability to exert one's will, even though they might actually be very strong. I am learning that it takes far, far more strength to actually be meek.

[GoingForward]

I am learning that it takes far, far more strength to actually be meek.

Ohhh yeah. Same here.

Tal, I often feel as you do. Feel as though I must stick up for myself. My feelings, my opinions. If I don't, then I often feel as though I'm "ok"-ing (what I perceive to be) the battering. But what I'm actually doing is fueling it even more. Even when it's not my intention.

Choose your battles wisely. Which ones matter? Which ones don't? When you do need to stand and speak up, be firm yet kind.

It's a tough challenge, but one you can accomplish.

You're an Aries, you said? Yeah, one of my sisters is an Aries, too, and I've seen her in action many times. It doesn't take much to set her off sometimes. Me - I'm a Pisces. Always very mellow until I feel pushed and pushed and pushed towards the edge. Then look out!

Anyhow, I hope you are well.

(((((((Tal)))))))

[fightingirish]

((((nc&GF)))) Thanks... it very hard to change that part of myself. I have gotten better thou I must say.

Yes the aries that I am, Im a fire sign, so yes I am very "passionate" about things which can really get me wild.

Things are status quo. h came home late Sat. Night He's been busy, but we all went to the fall festival down the road and had a good time. He suppposed to be leaving to go to ohio either wed or thursday night again, but after that he'll be home for awhile!! thank goodness.

[fightingirish]

Journaling,

H left again last night for the buckeye state again. Won't be back until Sunday or Monday. Its taking its toll on the kids. S2 was just miserable last night, I think he knew that daddy was going to leave again, and he's just so sad about it. this moring S5 didn't want to go to school. He begged me to stay home, and said he just wanted to be with me. I caved. These kids have been through so much with him being gone so much.I have to sometimes just let things go and just overly compensate for it. I can't do anything else.

H has been working here non-stop, he's actually getting me worried. With him being away, work here is really backed up and he's playing catch up. I wish it as easier on him, and I can tell he's getting worn out.

Things between us have been ok. A couple hiccups, but you would be proud Sara, I have been keeping my cool and not letting things get to me.

Hope everyone has a good day.

[Yoyowife]

((((TAL))))),

I hate that you have so much stress going on in your life. Try to get some rest this weekend. You've got to take care of yourself first so that you can take care of those beautiful little boys.

Hugs, Yoyo