I am really trying to detach and do the right things mostly I am working on myself trying to learn to love myself unconditionally, which is hard I've always looked to women to validate me, and so for the first time in my life I am alone, and it is scary but it also is where I need to be, in my future I want healthy relationships, I want to be the man God wants me to be, I wish my WAW will notice, but if not I have to accept it and move on. Everybody at work tells me it's over move on and I hate hearing that because I have faith, and I hope I'm not in denial, thank you all for responding I have noone to talk about this with........ I come home from work and look to see if anyone has responded please keep responding I need it another thing I swear it seems she is looking at me from afar but when I get closer she won't look at all what does that mean??????
another thing I swear it seems she is looking at me from afar but when I get closer she won't look at all what does that mean??????
Confusion, pure confusion.
My WAW and I are going our paperwork tonight, she is with another man, instantly after leaving if not already before. Yet on several occasions when I can keep my emotions in check, will look me straight in the eyes adn we conect like nothing ever happened, and tells me she does love me still, figure that one out. Confusion.
So, yours is probably also confused, confused on what's been done, who's who, and what to do. And as you get closer she probably gets the feeling she'll have to deal with something she doesn't feel like doing, talking, or what not. Give it time.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
It means you're the one looking at her from afar. It means you need to stop obsessing over what she's allegedly doing. Unless she's sitting direcly in front of you staring, I'd drop the whole notion altogether...it's meaningless really.
She's not the person you married, and you need to burn that into your mind ASAP. The sooner you do, the easier it is to come to terms that you don't know who this person "staring" at you is. Why impose your preconceived intentions upon another's objectively benign actions? You'll just run yourself ragged.
OK...easier said than done...I know...keep working on detaching.
Let's say that she is staring at you from afar. What matters more?: (1) what you think she's thinking when she's looking at you, or (2) what you want her to think when she's looking at you. Remember, you're the one that's fishing, so you need to learn which lure is best.
Third time I'm gonna ask. Have you read Divorce Remedy and/or Divorce Busting? Kinda feels silly if I'm preaching to the choir...
- Me = 32 y/o - WAW = 32 y/o - M = 2.5 yrs, T = 12.5 yrs - No kids - Bomb, WAW moved out, D filed = 8/15/08
I just got served my papers tonight, had to call her to ask her what I'm suppose to do totally cold said the damage is done and she means it, I will detach completely and for good
I'm so very sorry for what just happened. I know how much it feels like a Mike Tyson punch to the gut to be served D papers. The court processor somehow got through our security in the lobby, found my office, then served it to me with a smile. Nice.
I can only guess that you're now feeling the way I did...numb...confused...scared to death...no appetite...pissed...sad...depressed...the list goes on and on.
I know you're far gone right now, but try to hold it down long enough to resist the urge to call/contact your WAW to relieve the pressure you're feeling. Use this thread you created and go apes**t on the keyboard. Let it all out here, and not on her.
I can almost guarantee one thing, you will not "detach completely and for good", but I can understand and appreciate why you wrote that today.
I'm not sure you'll read this in time, but could you take a day off work tomorrow? Call in sick if you can. I don't think you will be in any shape to handle yourself effectively knowing that your WAW is physically around. Mayor COG has now dubbed tomorrow rickya holiday.
If you want, I'll check in multiple times tomorrow if you just need someone to vent with.
Now try to get some sleep...I know you'll probably drift in and out throughout the night, so keep the TV on for background noise. It sorta helped me when I was where you are...
- Me = 32 y/o - WAW = 32 y/o - M = 2.5 yrs, T = 12.5 yrs - No kids - Bomb, WAW moved out, D filed = 8/15/08
You know the one thing even though that part of my life is falling apart I have no desire to drink, thanks for the support and actually I slept pretty good last night I just wanted to know the truth I really believe that I could wait a year to talk to her and things wouldn't change she is the type when the going gets tough just bail out I was warned about her, when I talk to her I really don't even know her her voice is different and it's like she enjoys it, and yea that guy was right she's not looking at me I am obsessing, at this point I am done and really it is ok when the time is right the right one will show up I have a strong faith in God and He has got me through so much in the last month it's almost like what's next? She doesn't share the same belief I do otherwise there would have been forgiveness and she would have supported me through treatment, but that is where God wanted me alone with only Him to rely on. It's funny how our minds can fool us into believing things when actually things are quite opposite. The way she went cold so fast without any chance of reconciliation there has to be something wrong, she did the same thing with her first husband and he didn't do anything wrong, she had an affair on him and he wanted to still make it work (not with me by the way, with another married man) she has wrecked at least 2 marriages so far how could I be so blind, I just don't want to even like this person anymore, I left my 1st marriage for her, was a drummer in a Baptist church that I had to give up, did damage to my children that I don't even know, whent against all that I believe in, up till the time we had our affair I was sober 13 years ironic part when we hooked up I started drinking and stopped going to church, now that we are done I stopped drinking and went back to church,, God definately has got my back..................it helps to write this it makes it more clear to me that this woman was bringing me way down.
by the way thanks again for all the support like I said in one of my posts people at work don't want to hear about it, so I really don't have any support other than here, I am looking at therapy, I was told by her last night that I have issues which I definately do, but man so does she anyway thanks again cotoffguard you're the man!!!!
That's what we're all here for - support. What we ask will eventually be what we give back and more.
Just remember, you can only change you, no one else. The wellbeing of your children and yourself should now be your top priority. There's one relationship you can't run away from and that's being the best damned father you can be for your kids. Perhaps a great GAL thing for you to do is to find something new both you and your children can start doing together...kinda like a group hobby if you will. Here's an extreme example (extreme in a sense that I wouldn't be caught dead doing it) that worked for a co-worker of mine. Basically, her family was feeling some strain in the household, but one day her father asked if everyone would try something with him at least once. Long story short and many years later, the entire family is still very active Revolutionary War reenactors. Get my drift?
Whether or not you think your marriage is worth saving, working on yourself by shoring up the holes and flaws you you see within and helping yourself be a happier person inside and out is a win-win situation. If you're genuine about the changes you're making, I believe your wife will start to notice, be inquisitive, and start to make contact (cross that bridge when you get there). If not, then you'll at least be a much more happier, confident, and dignified person regardless.
I know this won't happen overnight. It's perfectly fine to grieve for a period. Heck, I'd encourage you to do whatever it takes to let it all out, just don't do it in front of your wife and certainly not in front of your children.
After that, day one on the road to inner happiness starts...
- Me = 32 y/o - WAW = 32 y/o - M = 2.5 yrs, T = 12.5 yrs - No kids - Bomb, WAW moved out, D filed = 8/15/08
my children are with my first wife I don't have any with the second, and she has made it very clear that it is completely over and I don't think that no matter of time will change that, she doesn't even know that I exist, she says she is very happy without out me that I made her feel like s--t about herself, why would she ever want to reconcile. I know I am a good person and even if I could walk on water it would not matter to her she has completely shut me out, I was fooling myself into thinking otherwise,, I guess because she loved me so much before I thought maybe there was something left but I guess not, I live in a small town so not much opportunity for growth that I see as of yet I will have to be creative, this whole thing has me so screwed up that I have a hard time being a good father, I feel like I am obsessing I wish I could get her out of my mind and emotions for good...................
