Hard to stay positive. I feel like H and I have a huge wall between us.
Last week d13 told me H was having some tests done. Not feeling well. He told her he may need surgery. Not sure what is going on. I didn't ask him either. Not sure if it is insurance related or stress or what.
He looked fine when I saw him on Saturday. He came by to see d13. I didn't spend much time with him. Caught him giving me a look ...not sure if it was nasty or just a look.
He is angry. He thinks that i charged things on a credit card and now he is repsonsible and they are coming after him. He claims he did not know. I know that he was aware ....as this was debt from our store we discussed several years ago. I wish I could just yell at him...that if he had stayed instead of ran, we would never have the financial problems we have. Everything was current prior to him leaving.
Anyway, Sunday he called d13 to tell her that he couldn't come by. Had to work. Told her his sister was having thanksgiving and the time of dinner. I told d13 that her brother will drive them over as I think I will be staying home this year. Hard to have a nice holiday with someone who is taking you to court to force you to sell your home, blaming you for unpaid debt and using you for years for insurance.
Yick. I feel like my whole life with H was a lie. I feel like things will never be right again with him......if they ever were to begin with.
So thanks for letting me vent. I am thankful for this board and your help. I am thankful I have 2 children who love and respect me and a father who cares about my well being.
A, He's going to be angry w/the world and you know what? He should be extremely angry w/himself. He made this mess that he's gotten himself and you and your family into.
I wouldn't even try to explain the credit card debt any more. Let him figure it out. You've done the best you can and it's still not enough for him.
Please do not stay home alone on Thanksgiving Day. It's not a good day to be alone, but I do understand how you feel. I'm sure the children will not want to leave you home alone.
As for your h, life is getting ready to smack him right in the middle of his forehead.
Please take care of yourself and do try to have a nice Thanksgiving in spite of his antics.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
H tm'd me yesterday. Inquiring about d13 staying home from school today as she only has 1/2 day. I told him that I thought it would be ok and that I thought he might want the extra time with her. He replied he had to work and that I should spend the time with her since i said i was not coming to thanksgiving.
I replied that first off i was not invited to thanksgiving and also I did not want to put his family in an uncomfortable situation with things the way they are between us now. I told him I cherished the memories of past holidays with his family and I hoped that he will enjoy the day as I know the kids will.
He replied that it was my choice. Whatever. I stopped tming him. A few hours later he sends me a tm that says "don't want to take your kids from you on the holiday." What the heck?? I didn't respond. Not sure what he is talking about.
So, not sure if he will drop this or try to guilt me into going. I really just don't know what to do or think.
A, He's trying to make himself feel better about the holiday. Believe it or not, he really does feel bad about how things are right now and he really doesn't want you to spend the holiday alone. However, I don't blame you for now going..you weren't invited and besides, I'm sure you wouldn't feel too comfortable being there either.
Plan something special for you for tomorrow.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Weird tm from h today. Asked if he would still have medical coverage in jan. as he is having a procedure. Told him yes (i know his lawyer said feb. 1 is when he is off).
Not sure what's going on. Guess I will know when i am told.
A, You will need to double check your insurance. Normally when January 1st comes, a new plan kicks in place and the new price shows up about two weeks later.
He's very concerned about the surgery and the insurance. Sit back, wait patiently....he's going to tell you very soon what he's having done. He's, in his own way, putting the bait out there for you to ask him. Don't! He needs to be man enough to tell you what is going on w/him.
Take care.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
afj, I've been wanting to ask about the insurance. How will it be an advantage to not have your H covered by insurance? It may benefit short term financially for you but will you still be liable for medical bills as long as you are still M to him? In my state I would be, so I keep H covered on health and auto insurance for my own long term benefit.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
WCW: My H filed for d in July 06. From that date on I am not liable for any bills that he incurs. I have been his doormat for almost 3 years now. I will not move forward with the d and still wish for his return, but I feel like he has totally used me for the insurance. (See my posts from sept regarding the eyeglasses).
My H has no remorse for his actions. He takes, takes takes and doesn't give. He wants everyone to do everything for him and if you don't he has a fit. Kinda like a 2 year old. My focus is on my real children. Stopping his insurance is an effort to open his eyes to the fact that I am not a doormat.
He can blame me all he wants, in the end he has to look himself in the mirror. He lost his friends, our son, and the respect of his family by behaving like a teenage.
Snodderly: He came by today to pick up d13 to take her to his sister's. She was a little miffed as she wanted to drive over with s16....but of course H has to show all that not everyone is angry with him. What a joke.
I couldn't even make eye contact with him while he was here. I hope he is happy. I really wish that he would just take his mow and go away.
S16 tm'd me from sil's. Said H is very awkward there. Not sure what he means by that. S16 wants nothing to do with H. It should really be interesting to see what comes of today. S16 and all of his uncles will be watching football and chatting and this will probably really hurt H.
Not sure how the day will go for the kids. I hope they have a good time. H will probably fall asleep in a corner somewhere.
All's strange still on the H front. Not much contact and when I do see him he is very very quiet.
Was at d13's swim meet Sunday and he kept staring at me from his seat. My dad was sitting with me in the beginning so H stayed away. Too afraid to see the man who did so much for him....only for him to walk out on his daughter.
H did call me regarding Christmas. He was out shopping for d13 and was having a hard time. Told me it was up to me as to whether we were giving gifts from both of us or doing our seperate thing. I didn't answer. Not sure what to do.
His sister invited me for Christmas eve...and he won't be there so I think I will go. His other sister invited me for christmas day...not sure what I will do. H and this sister do not get along. She sees right through everything. Last year he bailed on christmas. Didn't come out of his cave (or that's what he said). We'll see what happens this year.
I did hear from my L. H lawyer is being a pain about the listing agreement. I made some concessions but not all. One of which is I stll don't want any showings after school when d13 is home alone. If H wants to go to court over them...then he is an idiot.
I feel that H goes runnig to his lawyer so that he doesn't look like the bad guy forcing me to sell our home or discussing it. It is so obvious.
It is funny. There are times during the last year I thought H would be back at some point. Now I am not so sure. Too much damage has been done. I don't see him ever coming home. It is so sad.
A, If you are invited to family functions and you feel comfortable about it, then go. How to you feel about the gifts coming from the two of you? Your children are older and know what is going on. Maybe it's time to tell your h that you'll get your own and he can give to them separately. It definitely would send a message to him that you are moving on. It may even get him to thinking about what he's done and continues to do.
I would stand my ground about walk thrus after school. I would not change that for him or the lawyers. It's not safe.
You are doing well. Hope you are just about ready for the holidays.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
