Thanks for all the support I receive on here. Its been a fabulous lifeline over the last year! I can't believe how many caring people are out there, so lost, but willing to help anyway they can.
And to be honest, this board has reminded me that there ARE honest, faithful men in the world. When I am ready, I hope one finds me!
Journaling:
D6 cried when she got on the bus today. She has been struggling with sadness (missing me) at school. Her teacher is wonderful and we are in constant communication about my baby. Right now, the teacher has her writing notes to me when she misses me (oh the notes, oh my heart!). Time will help.
D4 is spunky as ever. She could take or leave me.
Final attorney appointment in the morning. H stayed last night and we caught up. Or shall I say HE caught up. He talked about his job changes, work, his family. I listened and input when I could. Can't hurt to be on a good page with H before we talk nitty gritty finances. He called me today when stuck in traffic as well.
Have tons of plans for the month of September!! Can't wait for fall to kick in, I love the change of seasons, even though I miss summer at times.
You know, I am normally 'on guard' when H is around, not really wanting to make conversation. But he found me, outside on the patio and brought up a possible schedule change for work. That started the talk, then he just kept going.
Last summer, when we would spend time together, I would watch him while he was talking and think "God, work on us! Stop seeing OW!" while I was pretending to listen. I couldn't even focus. Last night, I was just listening. No inner voices screaming.
Last summer, when we would spend time together, I would watch him while he was talking and think "God, work on us! Stop seeing OW!" while I was pretending to listen. I couldn't even focus. Last night, I was just listening.
Man I know this feeling as well. I wither missed whole conversations when he would speak or I purposely blocked them out because they had no relevance to what was happening to our marriage. It takes us a while but we become numb as well. I guess that's why they say that in the end what happens is usually up to us.
Beth! Totally!! I mean, last summer, I would stare at him and think "Are you SERIOUSLY talking about your brother's new car when our marriage falling apart???" lol
Now I can actually focus on brother in laws new car. Ha!
You know sometimes I still get mad that I was forced to feel nothing about him especially because it was all against my will. Then I think maybe that's what saved me.
You know sometimes I still get mad that I was forced to feel nothing about him especially because it was all against my will. Then I think maybe that's what saved me.
Oh sister, I understand. Its like we are forced from heartbroken to numb to healed (almost healed lol), but its all because we have to stay sane. To love him like I did a year ago would hurt every minute of every day.
I silently agree when H says "Oh you want this divorce too" but I always want to add "Yes, you got me to this place."
