yep, i'm now having the same fight that i had in january. xw wants to put s9 on meds because he got an f and 2 d's out of a stack of papers that were all a's. his self esteem sucks because he has adhd(xw diagnosed), it has nothing to do with the fact that good grades/behavior isn't recognized, only the bad. ignores the fact that problems started when she split. ignores the fact that behavior improves when daddy was engaged, fiancee leaving was a blip on his map, and her involvement in his life didn't affect him at all, thus minimizing her own involvement in hurting her children yet again.... went through the process of diagnosing him for meds in january. his doctor, his father(that's me), his teacher and his therapist, all agreed. the teacher coddled him, the therapist is a quack, his doctor isn't qualified, and my ego won't allow him to be on meds...... so now she is taking him to a specialist. maybe he can tell her that his problems are because she treats him like her mom treated her, or that divorce isn't good for children, or maybe he can tell her to leave his daddy the f^c# alone and let him live his life, accept the fact that she screwed up and atone for it instead of poisoning everything she touches...... stop blaming me for her miserable life, and deal with her issues at least for the sake of her children.... 3 years post bomb in october, 3 years post d next march yeah accept that our walk aways know what they want(and let them go). right, regret doesn't matter. regret comes in many different forms, and causes many different casualties. guess i should have posted on my own thread, sorry
This has been me for almost 3 years. Maybe that is why I will not give up on Phil. Because I know what goes through your head, when you understand but don't understand. When you know htat things aren't right, but you can't make them right and you don't know why, so you get angry. You focus on the anger, you think these things, you become addicted, you lose yourself. You go about things on your own, and not let Our Father lead you. You ignore signs, miracles, and His word. You worry about what people think.
I have learned that the problem goes back before XW left. I will quote my blog from a different site without naming it.
Quote:
So I'm cleaning out my blog and I see some of this old stuff I posted and surveys I filled out and all that. I don't know, I look at it and read them. Realizing that I kind of lost my edge, but also realizing that I would never want to go back to being that person from 2 years ago inside again. So where is that happy medium? You think and pray a lot when you spend 2 months watching your mom die. The woman who taught me how to love. The woman who waited until she knew I could handle it before she let go, and the woman who went before I got there so I wouldn't have to see her. Anyway, you remember who you were when you spend that much time reflecting. You think of how you have changed over the years and why. Who you tried to blame for the changes, and how it has hurt you to blame someone for losing that. Realizing that you haven't grown in over 10 years, that you digressed and may have got a little lost. Realizing that everything that you say now about God and faith, you lived when you were only 19. We all fall for a reason. And reguardless of what friends, backing off when you start talking about God or faith, or non friends think of me now, I know that this is me, who I am who I always was, "flying from the inside" never afraid to share or talk about my faith, or opinions, or help, not someone who ignored the "inner voice" or others crys. Never afraid to admit that I know you better than you know yourself, and NEVER the one to tell you what you want to hear. Real, genuine, honest. Not caring about the reaction at the time as much as the end result. The one who was never ashamed of who he was. The childlike one who smiled at you before you said a word. I have fallen, and the reason I fell is mine and mine alone. Rebuilding is important, it's something that I should have done a long time ago. Few really know me, but those that really do are glad I'm back. It's been a long time. Who I am hates who I been.
15 I learned and relearned watching my mom die
1. Life IS about God and serving him.
2. No matter how many times you turn your back on family, or why, they are the first ones to show up with NCAA '05 when you can't sleep.
3. We pray for the weak, because we are all the weak at some point.
4. When your thoughts interfere with what you know in your chest, you are being decieved. Evil is real..
5. The more you defend yourself against lies, the more credibility you give them.
6. She was worth it and I'd do it again.
7. Children are prophetic, God talks to no one more than a child.
8. As a man thinks, he is.
9. Dude, your iPod or the top 50 on it really aren't that important.
10. You so aren't able to build a house on sand.
11. The more you are hated.....well
12. When history repeats itself, don't act as you did the last time.
13. Unforgiveness is damaging, bitterness is powerful, fear is crippling.
14. Forgiveness is healing, Love is magic, Faith is power.
15. Psalm 23 can get you through anything.
We get so focused on "doing things right" that we stop doing things for fear of doing them wrong. Then we blame. We blame who or whatever it is easiest to blame. My xfiancee is the first woman I loved. We were nineteen, things didn't work out, whatever.... I lived so long after my D with regret and hurt and unforgivenes that my life was driven by those emotions. It wasn't until I sought out Xfiancee that I felt like myself again, when she was gone, the focus went right back on XW and what she did to interfere. From the time we started till after it was over, she was in her ear. Why? Because neither of us "got over it". So I thought, and prayed, and though some more. I realized that I had lost myself in my M. My problems didn't start because my M ended, my M ended because my problems started. I stopped being me. Being with Xfiancee took me back. Took me back to being that guy. Fast forward till today.
Thing are 99.9% the same as they were before I got with xfiancee. XW wants to put s9 on meds. Financially I am getting by. Right down to the fact that an exgirlfriend enlists me to help with her misbehaving son on a daily basis. The .1% me. I am the Man that God wants me to be. He doesn't want us to focus on DBing our M's, or getting our loves back, or what we lost, or what we will gain. He wants us to focus on Him, living now how he wants us to live. It's in his word, it's in our hearts. It takes no wisdom to be angry, or fly off the handle, it takes no strength to dwell in hurt and misery. It takes no Faith or Hope to leave your comfort zone. We are beings of comfort. Xfiancee went back to comfort, the arrogant weak man that is not much different than the one that physically abused her for years, XW went back to the comfort zone when she ensured that I would be alone: able to manipulate, abuse, interfere, the level of control she maintained for 3 years. She is treated like crap, and while I was with XF she wasn't able to get reaction by deflecting on me. She wasn't able to control. Turning one more person against me, telling those lies and making herself to be the victim one more time, hopefully got her her fix. Because as I have learned, you can't build a house on sand. I have been surrounded by sand because I have been in a comfort zone, allowing her to do what she does. Reacting, hurting, being a victim, and allowing her to make me one. The sand is hardening, it's turning into rock. I have been back in my comfort zone for a minute..... But I am stepping out. Again, I have had enough. When your spouce leaves, it should be a wake up call. The fact is, God allows things to happen so we grow. When you choose not to grow, you fail. Plain and simple. When your life sucks and keeps sucking, it is because you are doing something wrong.....period. I don't care how you argue it. When your spouce leaves, it is time to ask yourself, "what do I need to do differently?"
I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me.
When you surround yourself with enablers who tell you it's ALL THEM, NONE of it is your fault, then you do more harm than good. I have seen that the behavior of the LBS has more of an impact on how the M work out. Of course responsibility also goes to the walk away, but the fact is, we are not responsible for them. We are not them, we are not our M's. Once we take responsibility for our own lives and let God take control, while happily married, separated or divorced, only then can our life work out the way it should.
I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me.
I have a friend who says that she will always be fine no matter who comes in her life...no matter who leaves it...because no one fills her but God and He is everlasting
when we live our lives with faith and it is a part of who we are, others can see it, find comfort in it.
we are drawn to those who teach us to reach beyond while taking leaps of faith to keep trying
it's amazing how that woman speaks to me and looks at me like i'm $#!t. it doesn't bother me anymore, i kind of pity her. how you must feel inside. i pray for her differently now. one thing is for certain. the higher she builds herself up, the higher the throne is, the farther the fall is going to be. it is easier to deal with now that i don't look at myself as a victim. i wonder if she senses that i don't care anymore? reading a good book about becoming the person you want to be through Christ. i searched for the wrong answers last time i got to this point. i was strong in my mind, but my heart wasn't there. now i am working on both, it is harder because anger and pride come so easy. but ehhhh, it is teaching me to be humble, and strength will come from that.
I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me.
