So I had a few words with WAW I have also had a few visits with my councilor who has been supportive and so I have been doing my best leaving alone and trying my best to 180 but it has been very hard, I miss my wife so much as we know its not about me now its all about moving forward any tips I need some help please guys
I'm surely not the poster boy of doing it right, but, I do know that I was terribly co-dependent and once I grew past that, I didn't miss her so badly. I think a lot of the time detaching is about becoming whole. So, if that is part of your relationship, that's a place to focus your personal growth. Then, onto practical matters. The more time you spend not doing something, the more time you have to stew and miss your W.
I think we'd all need more details in order to give more specific advice.
Hi there! Can you link us to your sitch? How long have you been S? Have either of you filed for D? Do you have and kids? How long have you been M?
The thing is you'll be told to GAL, have a PMA and act as if. I think those strategies will get you somewhere fast.
What can you do to take your mind off of the W and focus on you? What do you like to do? How do you like to spend your free time? Was there anything you liked to do before you got M but stopped doing?
The PMA means that you need to adopt a positive attitude. What ways can you see things more fabourably? What are some things you can do to keep bad thoughts away?
Acting as if means that you act as if everything is fine. What are some ways that you can act so that your W wonders WTF abnout you? What can you do make yourself belive that you're going to be fine?
Sorry just tossing ideas at you. I hope you come back and join us.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Hi deepdive - Welcome to our corner of the DB world. Seems like Jen pretty much has it covered. I would also add just push through the loneliness & find you - the you your W fell in love with. But at the same time - you need to detach - so you have some type of sanity.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
A few of my previous posts sorry I am writing challenged
I got home and found that I am being divorced I think I got a notice but no date my wife said she was not aware of a date, it really hits home despair and everything that goes with the loss of a love, I hate to say I went out got legal advice and for the first time in ages am scared(again! this is my 3rd time round)as now I feel like its done and its none of my choosing. I did not do anything when I found out about the cyber as I thought she would come and talk to me, I did nothing so no one to blame but me. I hope for all those who are grieving like me for love lost it passes, it does, I know but it still hurts right now again! I really need a group hug right now. _________________________ Smit happens
I desperately need help and support I have been married twice and right now I fear that, no lets say it looks and feels like the end of the 3rd marriage. My wife came home 2 months ago and said, 3 days before our 8th anniversary, she wanted no more to do with me or the marriage which knocked me for 6 but she told me she had been out of the marriage for ages and was faking it for me, she had been off sex for a year and that was hard on us, but I choose to ignore the fact that she was off everything. So about 3 weeks ago she moved out and got an apartment I was left with the Mortgage, 3 dogs a cat and a big hole in my life, yes been there before but this is very different in many ways, I believe if someone wants out then let them go I am not able to force any affection or caring, also I live here but am a new citizen, I came here because I loved her gave up my carier and I wanted nothing more that to be here with her. I am very much in love with my wife and missed the signals I feel I was wrong and yes its been a shame but I have and would be willing to go to any length to help but I was in a partnership with another who could also have been more vocal but see that is a empty gesture without my wife she has in the past said everyone has an agenda, change as suggested in the books yes but its also that there is no visible interest so again I feel like too little to late. I would like to hope, I need the support of the group and the wisdom good and bad. That sums up how I am right now my councilor wants me to do group therapy as I have no one here to talk to, all my eggs in one basket so to speak. Sure I have work buddies but I hate to burden them or expose me to what comes out I have been walking on egg shells for a long time it seems, I really do not know what to do next.
These are much like I posted just updated and reworded a bit
What do I do well I am exercising right now down 10 pounds in the past few weeks and people are noticing I am also teaching scuba again and seeing as I am stuck here for a while getting into the house and garage more and more. I was very dependent on my wife and wholly ignored all my issues and hers, but who has not on here thought it will go right. I do not try to contact her unless I have to, I do want to so bad but dont give in. I have not moved on the lawyer as he said not to but she has most of her stuff here and I have her oldest son still here with me, just a bit lost I suppose.
Well I had a to say the word dependent hurt I was dependent for my identity so I am trying NO will find the real me now I am getting over the worry of what I did and moving to the what we did not do, so good days and bad will follow but I am thinking I will be strong for ME today
prayers your way))))))) have you told her that you admit to your errors, have you suggested counceling? would she go? Dont' give up, some days it will loop hopeless but dont' give up.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I think we all become dependent on our S. Time to break away & find the YOU she fell in love with!! Ah, pets ... aren't they wonderful for lifting your mood?? I couldn't have done this without mine .... we have some very good conversations & silly moments too
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
