Random thread title (it was the only thing that popped into my head).
I haven't updated in a while, and I guess I should do so, since my idle mind is thinking about things today.
I haven't contacted XGF at all since I last updated. She has contacted me several times. I've ignored her for the most part, other than when I thought I needed to reply, such as her asking me Thursday if I wanted to do anything. I felt that needed a reply and the reason...since I'm holding my ground. In that conversation, she told me she misses me a lot, and that she thinks about me all the time. I told her that I felt the same, but certain things had to happen.
Friday she sent me a text to tell me that she was going to Aarons because he wanted her to come there to discuss things. I told her to be safe. At the end of that conversation she told me she loved me. Not prompted by me at all. I was actually shocked to hear it. I replied with, "I know."
Saturday afternoon she sent me a text again. I thought she was going to update me on her sitch with aaron, but that wasn't why she contacted me. If had known it was just going to be idle chat, I wouldn't have responded. She was still at his house. So we chatted briefly and then I told her I had to go. I was replacing a water pump and changing the oil in my car. She told me she would let me know how things went. I simply said...K. She then sent me a text saying, "sorry...you are always on my mind though. I don't mean to do this to you." I replied again by simply saying I know.
Sunday I didn't hear from her, and I didn't contact her. I haven't talked to her today either. I'm a little bit irritated because I was lead to believe that her visit would just be Friday to discuss things with him, but now I know it was an all weekend thing through the holiday. I'm irked a little bit about that.
I guess that's why I felt like I should update. I feel like I've done a heck of a job being distant, and holding my ground against being her OM. That's really drawn her to me a lot becuase she texts me multiple times per day and now tells me she misses me and loves me. My mind is stirring as to what she is doing this weekend. I hate being idle. I didn't think I had any expectations, but maybe I did. I needed to get it out a little bit. Better here than anywhere else.
Last edited by job; 12/25/1911:46 AM. Reason: added link to previous thread
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
D@mn woman realy knows how to get to you. Keep yourself busy..chat with us. Stop letting her get you down!! She is being too selfish.."I don't mean to do this to you"...yet she keeps doing it...she is only thinking about what makes her feel good right now. So start thinking about what makes YOU feel good. Did you ever make a date with that other chick you were going to call?
Last edited by job; 12/25/1911:37 AM. Reason: edited language
Floyd you are doing a great job. I understand your frustration, and know that it is hard. But you are doing the right thing, if she really loves you she needs to commit.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I actually was able to outwait her today. It was hard and that's why I posted an update, because I was feeling like I wanted to contact her and ask her why she hadn't filled me in yet, but I didn't.
She sent me a text about two hours ago that said she was stressing. We chatted for a few minutes regarding that. She told me she wasn't into it with him anymore, but wasn't able to break it off just yet becuase it's hard.
I agree with you Sep that she's trying to figure out what makes her happy. This scares me a lot, because she hasn't figured out that happiness comes from within yet. She told me she was frustrated with a lot of things right now.
I told her that she was frustrating me also. She told me that she wanted to talk to me about things and I told her I thought we should. I think I need to make my expectations a little clearer and a discussion will give me the opportunity to do so. So we are supposed to talk later this evening. Hopefully we can clear some things up.
Yes, Sep, I'm supposed to call the other girl this week to set a time and everything. So we will see how that goes.
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
Been thinking a lot since we talked. I have a lot running through my head about what I want to discuss. I'm not sure if I want to go through it all with her tonight. I think I should write it all down so that I have sort of an outline of things.
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
The list sounds like a great idea. When you've made it then you can decide which things are the most important to bring up now and which can probably wait for another time.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I'm glad you like that idea. I function a lot better with an outline to follow...because I'm really bad about loosing my train of thought, etc.
I've layed some things out and it's really giving me a better perspective of how I want to discuss things. I will go into more detail, but I'm letting it absorb some more and giving it time so I can come up with more things if they enter my head before then.
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
At the end of that conversation she told me she loved me. Not prompted by me at all. I was actually shocked to hear it. I replied with, "I know." [/quote
Floyd, this is classic and absolutely the best thing that you could have said.
Stay strong, I'm learning a lot reading about your adventures.
Sorry about not letting you guys know last night. I went to bed early shortly after our convo.
I didn't get as much answered as I wanted to last evening. She seemed to be in avoidance mode of dealing with any real issues. She did tell me that she is not feeling it with her new guy at all. I asked her if that meant she was done with him. Her answer was, "I guess so." She was still really wishy-washy about stuff. She told me at one point that she didn't want me to wait around for her. I told her not to worry, that I wasn't. She said two things in a row, that kind of contradict each other...at least I can't figure out exactly what she was trying to say.
"I love being with you though, but I don't want you to feel like a sex toy." "Well, I didn't mean only enjoy sex with you...I just know that a relationship can't work and I don't want to use you...you mean to much to me."
Does that make sense at all?
Aaron is coming to stay with her this week, today through Friday. She said that Wed is his birthday and she felt obligated to do something for him. Then she told me she was feeling nautious about it. I didn't ask why, but I think it's due to her not wanting to be with him. She threw out that there was no intimacy when she stayed with him over the holiday. I told her I really didn't care to discuss that, but I did ask if he would even do that knowing the circumstances. She said she might (which means yes). She's horrible about answering directly.
I didn't really lay out a whole lot of stipulations, because I didn't think all of them were appropriate at this point. She wasn't too open to, or seemed too interested in us. Well, she did, but she was very back and forth on it. She said a lot of things (like when she said i meant too much to her, etc.) but I didn't get the vibe she was ready for anything. The only thing that I made clear was that I wasn't going to be part of anything until she got rid of him. She did tell me that he is going overboard now saying that he doesn't want to lose her...blah, blah, blah." Yes, she actually said the blah blah blah part.
She said we could talk again this weekend after Aaron is gone. I've decided that I don't want to have anymore discussions about us until after he is gone. I think she's weighing her options at this point, and I don't want it to be like that. Again, cake eating. So if she wants to start R talk and she's not done with him, I'm going to stop it and tell her that I won't even discuss the possibilities if he's still in the picture.
So that's pretty much that.
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
Keep yourself busy..chat with us. Stop letting her get you down!! She is being too selfish.."I don't mean to do this to you"...yet she keeps doing it...she is only thinking about what makes her feel good right now. So start thinking about what makes YOU feel good. Did you ever make a date with that other chick you were going to call?