(((Mishka))) you are near and dear Hun!!! Catch Hillary!!!
RH, you have a new mission now, and it is the mission to save your marriage.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Running out for a while but wanted to let you know that I will check in on you later. We'll find some first steps for you but for now just remember to do nothing, say nothing, don't react to anything. Repeat after me, in response to H if he spouts about what he feels needs to happen, "I'm sorry you feel that way." and "I understand." Place those where appropriate. For now, that is all that you need to say. Anything else will most likely come from a deep well of emotion that you are not able to control yet.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Amen to that!!! Mishka is also very wise in this, and has done fabulous work. She has picked me off the floor numerous times, so she also knows what she is talking about!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Lola - I don't know about that. I do know that through Christ all things are possible. Just because my sitch has turned out the way it has doesn't mean that there is no hope for anyone else here. I'm proud to call all of you my friends and will hope that some day we can all look back at this and remember that in the darkest of times in our lives we had life saving connections with everyone here.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I have been praying that God will sofen H heart and give him clarity, that he will build a hedge of protection around his heart from Satan, that he will give him the desire to want to work on this marriage and that he will give me the strength courage and wisdom that I need to get through this with some dignity.
Yes just small talk. You don't know that your days with him are numbered. You have to have patience, and find some peace. These first few weeks and months are going to be really hard. But you have to keep the faith.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I guess I dont mean my days over all just considering the fact that he is always away on business. He is leaving again on Tuesday to visit wth his parents. I am hoping they will be able to convince him to go to counseling. I feel our chances will be much better. I am currently in school again and have a lot of studying to do. Do I just keep to myself while he and are in the same home or do I try and spwnd time with him. Im not sure if I just ignore him or if that makes it just uncomfertable.
I don't know that ignoring him is the best way, it's kind of hard to. Just try to be calm. You are bound to shed tears over this. That is normal. Just try not to do it in front of him. No pursuing at all!!! If he wants to talk about the D, just calmly tell him you do not feel right now is the appropriate time, and walk away. It will be very hard, I am not going to lie to you. You will need to take a leap of faith. But in the long run, it does pay off.
DBing is also about finding yourself. I think we get caught up in our M's and sometimes we lose who we are, just us. I don't think you can have a solely ME in marriage, but at the same time you have to have a little of yourself left for yourself. Try and focus on you right now. It is easier said than done, trust me. But take care of you.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
