For the Guy with Kids and a WW 11

[hopeful4her]

I've had discussions, obviously before she moved out. Maybe two since. The last R discussion we sort of had was when the girls and I confronted her about having OM around the girls.

Last October, when I had the 'marriage in a box' conversation, I gave my ring to her.

"Here. Take my ring. If we don't make it, then I don't want it. If, someday, I ever get it back, then I'll know what that will mean."

She had stopped wearing hers about 2 months prior.

Yesterday was a terrible day at work. Service issues like crazy. New guy starting, asking questions...I was frazzled. I had to call D11 because she didn't call me afterschool like she usually does.

I stayed late at work for some calls. On the way home, I called S14 to see if I was picking him up. D11 answers his phone. She asks him, but he is outside playing with some kids.
"He says he'll go over when we go over. He's playing with some kids outside. They're chasing him around."

I talk to D11 a little more. She is distracted by the tv. She asks if I was feeling alone. I tell her I'm ok.

But I was upset. I go rent another video. Tuesday night I watched "Never Back Down". It was good, but last night I needed something funny. "Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle". It was stupid, but funny. I was kind of out of it.

This morning I am on my way in to work early. I call D11, but she didn't answer. I call the wifes phone and D11 answers it. They are getting ready and eating breakfast. I tell her I love her and to have a great day. Next, D6. She is quiet. She still sounds a little under the weather and distracted by the tv, too. Love and hugs and kisses over the phone I ask to speak to her mom.

"Hello." She sounds just as distracted.
"Good morning. I just wanted to see how Juli is doing."
"She's ok. She's grumpy this morning."

Allergies. Something blew in. I tell her me too. All last week. We talk about the meds she is giving her, but she is fine. I ask about S14. Still asleep for another 5 minutes. I say okay.

"Okay, well then...."
She is going to cut ME off?
"Allright, I'll talk to you later."
"Bye"

Just after, I give a loud "HEY"
"yeah?"
"Did you get the email I sent to you on Tuesday?"
"Uhhhh...." She stalls for a few seconds. "The one about canceling the insurance?"
"Yes"
"Go ahead and cancel it."
"Too late. I had to cancel it that day."
"Just tell them you changed your mind."
"I can tell them, but the payment is going to either hit today or tomorrow."
We start to talk at the same time. I cut her off. Now I'm pissed. I don't even want to hear what she is trying to say.
"I'll talk to you later."
She pauses.
"K"

I am VERY F'ing upset. I told ya'll that I was going to expect the worst case scenario with her. She got the email, but just decided to ignore it. I KNEW IT!

I SICK of always being the one to put myself out there. NOTHING in return. I AM going to do what the hell I want. She offers me nothing. I get nothing. That's what she chose. That's what she will get from me.

I was only thinking of myself these past couple weeks. Then I put some thoughts to her.

And for what? For jack sh*t. That's what.

She is gone.

And right now, so am I.

[whatdidido]

(((((((h4h))))))))

[Sugar and Spice]

(((((((H4H)))))))))))

[lost_in_space]

Bud,

Vent all you want - here!

[karen43]

I SICK of always being the one to put myself out there. NOTHING in return. I AM going to do what the hell I want. She offers me nothing. I get nothing. That's what she chose. That's what she will get from me.

I was only thinking of myself these past couple weeks. Then I put some thoughts to her.

And for what? For jack sh*t. That's what.

She is gone.

And right now, so am I.

OK, I noticed you already got lots of hugs, so I get to be the meanie! I'm sorry for what you're going through; I know how awful this can be!!! But...I still think the 48 hour rule on waiting to make any decisions or actions until you have cooled off and not deciding things when you're angry is a good rule. I mean if you're thinking about something involving alphabet girls or something; I would just wait a few days on that and stay away from them while you are feeling like this!!!! Alright, now one from me! ((((H4H))))

[whatdidido]

I've been thinking about you. Her response about the email......you will have to be the one talking to her about it. She won't be the one. She moved out. You are the one fighting for the marriage and helping her see.

Your statement about "doing what you want". You thought about you lately and felt good. Sure, everyone feels good when they are working on pleasure principle.

Read this (Theoden pointed me here):

But that’s true only when, as in my case, I really like my wife. As long as I have blessings that I sincerely enjoy, then the moral path allows me to keep on enjoying those blessings. But notice, the joy is not the enjoyment of God. It is the enjoyment of blessings. Remove the blessings, give the man a wife that for whatever complex of reasons he does not enjoy, and the pleasures of sin may exceed the pleasures of holiness.

The old hymn says “There is joy in serving Jesus”. And there is. But if we are counting on an experience of soul satisfaction to reliably accompany obedience and if we expect that our felt pleasure in doing good will exceed the pleasure we could enjoy by indulging our favorite sin, then it won’t take long till sin will seem irresistible.

Here’s the point: if we live for an experience of joy, if we elevate desire to central status and live for nothing higher than its felt satisfaction, then we no longer are living by faith. We are idolaters worshipping desire. We are no longer living for God.

I agree with Jonathan Edwards that there is no incompatibility between our unquenchable longing for happiness and the command to worship God. But if God becomes the means and our happiness becomes the point, then we are self-obsessed pragmatists, not worshippers. When God is the point and obedience designed to bring him pleasure becomes the focus, then there will eventually be a fullness of joy that makes sin unthinkable and unappealing, thoroughly repulsive.

But that fullness of joy comes later, in heaven. In this life, it's more about hope than about joy. Joy now is wrapped up in communing with the Son in His delight in the Father, communing with the Father in his exaltation of the Son, and communing with the Spirit in His obsession with seeing the Father and the Son glorified. But that joy, though real and growing, will not be complete until we are literally in the presence of the Trinity, dancing forever in perfect rhythm and unspeakable ecstasy (See Eph. 3:19). In this life, now, it's by faith that we live, by faith that joy is in Jesus, even when following him yields suffering. Of course there are seasons of great joy, and there is an abiding sense that we belong to the most wonderful Person in the universe, that the privilege of knowing him really does exceed all other blessings whether we feel it or not, and that living for him is what we most want to do. But if we’re living for the maximum sense of pleasurable satisfaction now, we will obey God only if he provides blessings that obedience allows us to continue enjoying. Take away the blessings and live life to gain satisfaction of even the noblest human desires and eventually you’ll find yourself moving away from God.
One prevailing heresy in evangelical culture is that living for Jesus reliably provides the soul with a depth of satisfaction that exceeds the satisfaction found in sin.

[attorneytom]

Hey Man !

Again.. It is late in the game.. I dont care about this crap !.. AND you are not getting a hug from me.

Get it together ! For YOU ?!.. This thing is toast.. are you too ? I hope not... you are a good person. No need to be codependant on your soon to be ex wife.

Come Along !

AT

[whatdidido]

Whatever, Tom. He is still married and is in a DIvorce Busting forum. Late in the game? DOn't care about this crap? I beg to differ. It is never too late, and he DOES care. He is a good person who is trying to save his marriage. That does NOT mean he has to be codependent on her.

[hopeful4her]

Thanks for caring guys. Funny how we all say that a lot after we 'trip' out.

Especially me.

Once again, I allowed GBG to determine my feelings.

If ya'll have noticed, I was purposely calling her my wife again. Helping to keep my eye on the end result. Think I'll be going back to GBG to help me keep her distanced.

I didn't do anything dumb. Didn't call anyone. Didn't have lunch with anyone. No one called me today.

Or emailed.

I did have to go on an appointment with Y yesterday and then we did have lunch together. For the second time in a row, we both wanted the same thing. Talked about our crazy weekend. Hers was WAY more crazier.

Today was another crazy day at work. Issues abound. Left work to go to a meeting at 2 and stayed until 5:30. Some people I've known for some time, ex managers, sales coaches, my district manager and such, asking how I'm doing. I know they know. I tell them I'm great.

Didn't feel much like keeping up with the board after my post. I was too damn busy anyway. Good thing.

Picked up another video before going home. The second Harold and Kumar. Stupid but funnier than the first. Watched a little football before the movie. Some dinner. Not much. Just took things easy. D11 called me pretty late and we had a fun talk about her day. We laughed a lot.

After my post this morning, I sent GBG another email. I had to ask her about the girls attending my cousin's daughter's quincanera. A party that 15 year old latina's have in the Hispanic community. Like a coming out party(not that kind of coming out). I put that my mother wanted the girls to attend for a while and that I would get a more specific time if she wanted.

"And if you could PLEASE respond and let me know" is what I ended with.

Still, no response. Oh well. Must be rough being a biatch all the time. That's her. Jeckyll and Hyde. Nice Christian email to me on Friday and totally ignoring me on Tuesday and today.

Not my problem.

I keep saying that I'm not going to allow her to affect how I feel, but it happens. I've cooled down, but was I pissed or what? I'm just going to worry about myself.

Thats all I can do. Only care about myself and my girlies and enjoy what life has to offer me. MAKE my own happiness. I came across a saying today. I'm unsure of who the author is:

"I would rather wear out than rust out."

And I'll keep praying.

And yes, I do feel a little like toast, but that is my fault. Still working on it.

[kat727]

You sound sooo much better today. Everyone takes a step back now and again. That just means you will be taking about 3 steps forward now. It is the hardest thing to do, thinking about yourself. I had put myself on the back burner for so long, even the kids are used to that. They are asking why I HAVE to go to bookclub! I deserve 3 hours every here and there that's why. ME time.

Keep on trucking. Lots of Hugs,

kat