Just today my wife (my story is in newcomers) sent me this in response to a conversation we had:
"I'll call Arrowpoint if something needs fixing. I have Better World Auto Club and I don't think I was clear about what I said when I was upset that day you said we were no longer going to be friends we would only be acquaintances. It's not that I wouldn't call the auto club if my car broke down. I had a fear that if my car broke down at night when I was out somewhere after teaching--out in Mesa, Gilbert, N. Scottsdale, or wherever--that if I called and some stranger w/a tow truck came, I would feel afraid to get in the truck w/him at night, afraid for my safety. I guess I would have to just trust the universe. Plenty of women live alone and have to take their chances in certain situations when it doesn't look like they have other options. When I was growing up my mother and I watched those stupid made for TV movies where women were out along at night and raped. Then there were those rapists in Phoenix a couple of years ago. I'm not a tough, macho, muscular person. When you told me you were breaking off connection, I thought you were abandoning me, and I felt frightened and SO alone to think that if in an emergency I couldn't call you, couldn't count on you as even a friend, couldn't count on anyone. Sure I could call a girlfriend and if she was free maybe she could come out, and if not. Oh, well."
I want to apply LR techniques. (She filed for the D, papers completed any day). I don't ever want to put her at risk, but I also don't want to be the "absentee husband" giving her all the benefits of our marriage without her consenting to work on our marriage. This is one of the first signs that she realizes what she is losing by giving up on me/us. In my heart I want to tell her to call me if this ever happens. But as the saying goes, why would she buy the cow if the milk is free? I love her dearly. Any suggestions appreciated.
Don
Me: 47 W: 44 No children Separation: April 2008 Divorce finalized: October 2008
She wants it both ways? It boggles the mind that the person that wants out is surprised when you stand up to them. Of course in my situation, I would roll over in a heart beat.
Maybe this is what she needs to experience - the full repercusion of her decision.
Do you know why she filed for divorce? Is it to find herself?
