So I am not really new here, i just haven't been in for awhile. Then I lost my pass word for the site and had to start all over again. But I thought I would drop a quick hi to everyone and tell you a little bit about my sitch.
It was a year ago that my H left me and had an A with someone I thought was a friend. I spent the first couple of months not doing much but crying. Eventually i went to a counsillor and she helped me through things and she was the one to tell me about DR. I think I spent about a week reading it and really started to apply all the things in the book that I possibly could. At this time I really wasn't sure about the A. i had no proof just my gutts. (And believe me , listen to them, they are usually right)
Anyway, I did what I had to, to make MYSELF feel better. It worked. I didn't watch for his phone calls, I didn't read his emails and i really started to feel good about who I was. My kids were happy and feeling less stress and I was getting stronger. I more I stopped jumping for him, the more he called. The more I stood up for myself the more he wanted to be around me. But he was still to wishy washy for me. I stopped letting him come over whenever he felt like it and just plain got on with my life.
On Jan 12 I was going to a concert with my friends and I knew he was gonna be there with her. i prepared myself for it and tried to stay away from them. He started texting me while we were there. I answered politely and told him that I was through with all of this. To please stay away from me. I was getting on with my life and he didn't want to be apart of it and that was fine. When the concert was over my friends and I went out and actualy left a couple of places because he seemed to be following me. I came home at 1 am amd crashed. At 4 am in the morning I was woken up by him standing in my room apologizing for everything.
He has been home ever since then. There have definately been ups and downs, but he stands his ground when I am in doubt. I have way more bad days then he does. To him the A and leaving me was a very long time ago. he tells me he loves me every day and our M has been alot better.
I know not everyones sitch is the same but I just wanted to let some of you out there know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Whether it be with your spouse or by your self. Really read and re-read the DR. Not everything is dark and grimm. I thought for sure I was completely done with my M and H was never coming home. By Jan I would have been okay either way. Now I can say that I am happy and working on improving my M everyday. It's better than it was before all of this happened.
Thanks MICHELLE for your book and your confidense in Marriage.
M-33 H-35 S-13 &14 ST-9 DT-5 PA-21-08-07 Came Home 12-01-08 been happy since
Hey there Belle. I read the DR over and over again so I think I would go with that one as at least my favorite. There were lots and lots of times i felt that there was no hope at all. But when I stopped crying and stopped trying to figure out how I was gonna get him back and started doing things for me, I didn't worry about hope. Sounds strange, but when you start to focus on you and what you need you tend to not think so much about the sitch you are in. It's a very hard thing to do, but once you start it will get easier. I was going to the gym 5 days a week. getting my kids involved with things I was doing in the house. Watched movies that i know he would never watch and learned how to enjoy being who I was. Learn to be happy with yourself and everything will start to get better.
Keep Smiling!!!
M-33 H-35 S-13 &14 ST-9 DT-5 PA-21-08-07 Came Home 12-01-08 been happy since
I agree how paramount what you said was true. We did a lot of similar things. It was hard getting to that part....as soon as I stopped looking at it from getting him back to what do I need to do so survive and be happy doing it...the tide turned. Now it didnt' happen over night but getting to that unhappy place in our marriage didn't. Congratulations on moving forward .
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
It is amazing the kind of strength we can find within us when we need to. The best support system I had was in here. The outside world didn't help much because all they wanted me to do was put a scarlet letter on H and walk away.
it's nice to have a better m then we ever did. For him the A was a lifetime ago. For me it still seems very recent. But everyday gets better and i certainly listen to my gut feelings a lot more.Nothing is easy but if you really want something it never is.
M-33 H-35 S-13 &14 ST-9 DT-5 PA-21-08-07 Came Home 12-01-08 been happy since
