"You're Too CONTROLLING!"

[Sugar and Spice]

Dang it, I was hoping the Surviving would be a real place of wisdom and support. I gotta tell you, this isn't giving me a warm fuzzy.



Dan

There are a couple of threads over there that I lurk on and it sounds like all hell broke loose yesterday. I have enough drama in RL without is coming from here too. LOL. I'll stay right here in Infidelity where we don't have as many drinks, but the vibes are much happier...

[lodo]

sounds like a good idea S&S. I'm thinking of moving back up here. Apparently the board belongs to the oldtimers down there. They can have it.

[Work2do]

Yes mine did the same. She said I was and her family were trying to control her etc etc after EA discovered. And never did it come up before. So I believe PDT your description is spot on. On a side note, I got an at length email where she said "you were not overly controlling" but than goes on to say lets start talking about D.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

'morning, Lodo, thanks for the nice note. I don't post (or even lurk) in "Surviving," but I heard a little about it yesterday. There are a couple of forums that I intentionally avoid, due to all the drama and the agendas there, rather than a true focus on helping meet the needs of those who come there for help.

Puppy

[Babygirl]

thats why you are our hero pup lol!!!

[TxMomw/2girls]

Hey Puppy dog,,,

I'm new to reading your post... well I'm new to all these.. a week in unfortunately... another poster mentioned you had some good advice on exposure, ultimatiums, Plan A etc ... my thread is in the forum "H moved out, I'm in crisis -help" in this forum -

I'm at a cross road and some of you have some great advice... would love some insight into the addiction of the affair.. my H is turning 40 next week.. having an A with 25 yr old.. says all the text book stuff..

if you have time Little Engine said you had some good advice -

thanks ... I will continue to read your thread.

[runningoutoftime]

Pup,

I heard the controlling arguement and then so many others. My husband would say I was "too this" or "too that"... I'd then change my behavior, and be "too another way."

I think sometimes, definitely when an affair begins, these are just excuses to help validate behavior. And when you reply with anger or defensiveness, it's only more fuel to help further validate their behavior.

For example, of course you don't want to pay the cell phone bill on a spouse who uses their phone to text and email OP all day. However, if you complain or stop paying, they then see you as even worse then you were before, and they use this to further validate what they are doing.

Ooooooh I haven't been on surviving in a long time. How sad to hear that life is so dramatic there. I'll have to go take a look. My bud Olive is over there...