hello all, i havent been on in a while but i just wanted to get my story in this new section. i had a thread in the newcomers but like the title states the W is back home. My story isnt really that diff from anyone elses the W left me and i did all the normally things yoou would do beg, plead, chase, cry, etc. Then i found this site and read all the books and began to appling the LRT and she took notice pretty quick she satrted calling me and asking what i was doing and other things. Well some time went on and we stared getting physcal. She has been hme now for about a month and things seem to be going good. She is pregnant and it will be our third. we have started going to councelling togehter. i am trying my best to keep the changes i have made stick and to keep showing her that it is how im gonna be. well i am kinda loking to see if i should be doing one thing or another to continue the good times we are sharing. thanks in advance, mike
Welcome to Piecing. I'm Sandi, and I was almost a WAW, so I know a little about what your W's emotions have been. I have learned a lot about the LBS and the pain they experience due to the walk out of their loved one. I hope you will stick with the board, b/c as I've told so many new folks, it really saved my M and it got me back on the right path. It has been my therapy and if I can do anything to "pay it forward" I would like to do that. I have been on this board almost every days since I first came. It helps reading other threads and posting to other people.
I read the first few posts that you sent in the beginning and saw where your W walked away and now she has returned home and is pregnant again. I sure hope that you have made some very good and life-long changes....b/c you have got your work cut out for you. Just b/c we are able to come to the "Piecing" forum doesn't mean we are all healed and mended and have our "success stories" ready to post. I know you were encouraged to come here, and that is okay, but your problems are not over and I hope you do realize that. I don't say that to depress you and try to pull the rug out from under you. I suppose I am the type that just dives in and gets right to the point.....so please don't misunderstand and think I'm being rude. I try to talk to a lot of people and I forget to take time to stand on polite manners at times. (In face, I had to go back to introduce myself..lol)
Your children are being born very close together and it is going to be very hard on your W. It will be hard on you also. I am saying this b/c it is very important to understand that your work on the MR has actually just got started good.....you just shifted gears is all.
I am glad that you have seen her excited about being home and that the two of you are experiencing a "honeymoon period", but you know (I hope) that eventually this will probably begin to settle down and her pregnant hormones are going to be working over-time and the reality of the stitch is going to slap you right in the face.
I looked at the time frame of when you came on board and when she left, when she came back and she's pregnant. A lot has been going on and I only say that to say this.......I don't think the two of you have had near enough time to work things out so I hope and pray that you both will continue to go to the sessions or you will find yourselves right back where you were before.
The environment that you grew up in, and thereby molding part of your behavior patterns.....that is very hard to break. It is not impossible, but very hard. She has her faults as well, so it will take hard work. Even though this is a "good" time for both of you......there are no magic spells or quick fixes....only hard word for a long time. Those two words....time and patient are the most used words here on the board.....and probably the most hated by all the LBS.
The point I'm trying to make is that you two have a very good chance at happiness with each other. You obviously are still in love with each other, young and hopefully a long life ahead for both of you. But, I know from observing many, many others.....that all those promises you probably made to yourself and some to her....will fall by the way side if you don't make an extra effort every single day to really continue to almost live by the DB principles. Especially during this year. It has been a year and a half since I almost walked out on 41 years of M to the same man. So, I know what I mean by telling you that if you don't keep working at improving yourself and improving the M, it won't last. Yes, I know, I am probably saying things you don't want to hear while you are on your honeymoon phase, but I want this M to last. There are three children depending on it.
I won't take up more time right now, but I would like to know if you have made out a list of goals that you are working on to improve yourself and now to help the MR keep healing and getting better. I did not see it on the other thread, but did not read all of it. If you haven't made goals, you really need to in order to stay on track and it will help you focus.
Again, welcome to this forum. There are a lot of good people here, but a lot of us go to other parts of the board to try to see if we can be of help to other couples. I still see you as a "newbie" b/c you really have not been here long at all and you may not get as much response in this forum as they do in the Newcomers, so if you aren't as happy here....you can move back or go to any forum you wish. Whatever.....just don't leave, okay?
Take care and I'll check on you later.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi, I hope not. It was very sage advice. I did the complete opposite of what you said when my H returned the first time and within three weeks things were going down hill. I did not find me at that time, only made changes for him and none of them were true changes.
Hope mdw comes back. Piecing is not a piece of cake by any means.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
hey you did nt run me off and i liked everything you said. i have been real busy with the kids and the W. they are all sick and it doenst seem to want to leave so i have been trying to help them as best i can. i do not intend on ever becoming the person i was and i am going to have a lot of work left with me and the W. we have been getting along great and really just doing a lot of talking just about things going on in our lives and what we feel we need to do to keep this going. we have seen the C a couple of times and he has giving us some things to do on how to communacate and just love one another. it is late and i need to get my kids in bed and get things ready for tomorrow. my oldest stared pre school and she seems to really like it but that means i have to get up earlier. thank you guys fr chiming in and i dont take anything the wrong way i know what everyone ne is saying is just things to help me. im not saying that i already know what to do but i have a good idea and will continue to come here for advise. i will try and check in more ferquently. again thanks for the advise and i will put it all to good use. sorry for the bad writing skills
just wanted to say hi and let everyone know i am still here. the W and i have been doing good. We had a little disagreement but we resolved it and still doing good. She is starting to get a belly and doing good with the pregancy. She slipped down a few steps the other day and they think she broke her big toe but not sure and can not take xrays cause she is to early in the pregancy so she is on crutches shes doing good other then that. i am still doing what i i know what it takes to make this M work and i think its becoming easier for me to do it cause it is just like a normal thing to do now. well im at work and need to get back to it i just wanted to stop in and say hi and i hope all is well out there. mike
congatulations on your to be child, and having your wife back. sandi gave some good advice. but one particular piece of advice i would like to give is that the" honeymoon period" is very real and doesnt last. so just be aware of that. enjoy it though because its great. me and my w recommitted in may and honeymoon lasted about 2 months. i 'm not saying things go back to being like they were but the little signs of affection dwindle somewhat. so don't be alarmed. its natural. the hard thing that i knowvi struggle with is to keep gal. you bec9me so happy that spouse is back you k7nd of slow down on the self improvement. when, in reality, thats probablybwhat won her back. i'm in the same boat as you, minus the newbie. good luck, and work your as* OFF.
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
