He was angry to begin with, tried to throw the blame onto me. I just stood up for myself and said I wouldn't take it. I didn't do anything wrong. It was my H and the OW that were lying to both of their spouses. I stood my ground. The negative side is that he blames himself for everything and IMO excuses her part in it. We have had long discussions about this and as with everything else, day by day he justifies her behavior less and less. Right or wrong I think he will be able to put this behind us and quit feeling so guilty (which doesn't help us)as he realizes more and more that it takes two to tango. Yes he could have and should have said no when things went past a professional level he has to take his own accountability there however the same rule applies to her, she was married as well and we have since found out that this isn't her first affair at work.
a) Wayward spouses may get angry -- even LIVID -- in the short run, but in the end will not only forgive you for exposure, many will THANK you (mine did), and almost always will RESPECT you for fighting for the marriage;
b) Paradoxically, most wayward spouses end up angry at the betrayed spouse ANYWAY, and blaming them for the demise of the marriage, including those parts of it that weren't even their fault (some parts usually are, of course). So if they're going to end up angry and blaming you ANYWAY, why not at least do the right thing???
Puppy dog, when does your self help marriage book come out! You rule these boards!
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
yeah puppy when you writing that book? this post got me to think about why I am angry, and to be honest, its a tie between the EA and OW AND all the dang lying!!!! I think when I realized how long he had been lying, it floored me, all his lying was what lead to the EA!
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
You hit the nail on the head that is exactly how it has gone for the past 3 weeks. I think now the hardest part for me is not allowing myself to fall into the void of doubt when I give my mind time to wander. I know he has ended things with her and that she is working on her marriage as well but they do still work together. He has to work hard on not getting defensive during these times. He tends to go with the "I'm working so hard to show you that you can trust me for what we still end up back here", then I have to remind him that what he is doing has gotten us this far but he has to be patient with the doubt times and that he can't push it all under a rug and forget it happened. So far it is working and luckily those days are down to about once a week....and getting less frequent and intense for me.
