Tired of Uncertainty....what's your take ?

[badcompany]

I use said icon because I've been asleep for too long. Stressing too much. My mind races as it is, I sure as hell don't need my problems bothering me too. I don't think I need to give an update as to what's going on......

My wife has loved me (or so she has said) for sooooo long and an ex boyfriend comes along and boom, she's gone. she always leaves a quote on myspace saying "loving someone is giving them the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to."

I get so angry when I read this; and I don't know at who.....life temporarily sucks. if I was my wife (thank God i'm not) I would realize by now that my husband wasn't THAT bad. well can't make someone love you. that's how it goes.

I know the myspace quote is directed at me. for someone who says they forgive me for everything I've done they have a funny way of showing it. I'm sick of venting.

[badcompany]

ROOT,

you said I can't DB while not having patience. could you define, in your own terms, what DB exactly is ? other than just going out and pretending life is awesome, yet when the situation arises, being civil to your spouse ? sometimes the way she acts I feel (stupidly) she is reaching out to me, but I won't dare say I love you or I miss you or anything. I know those are no-no's. I always have the urge to burn her a cd of some of our favorite songs or send her flowers but I know those are against "the rules" too. I'm stuck. I can't move on while I still love her.

[runningoutoftime]

Hi BC,

You can always DB, it's just difficult to DB *well* without patience. Being impatient, having expectations, getting emotional because you don't feel you are seeing enough success, etc... will create backslides, tension, and emotional situations.

You don't need to pretend life is awesome, you just need to not be a downer because that won't be attractive to her or anyone else for that matter. You need to try and find things that make you happy (things that don't have to do with her) and try to find things in your life you are thankful for and that you appreciate so the world and your happiness isn't focused on this one other person. In other words, you have to detach. I think that's your biggest hurdle. But, it sounds like you don't want to detach.

Well, it's still very early in your situation. I don't know if you've read the book, but my advice is read it, reread it, reread it, reread it....etc...

[badcompany]

well here's something I consider important to mention. W has been in a bad mood for two days around me. here's why:

OM left her to go back to his ex girlfriend.

W is devestated obviously, that her plans for the perfect guy fell through. question is, how do I be there for her and support her through this ? I care about her and hate seeing her upset, for whatever the reason.

[lost_in_space]

BC

She has to go through what she has to go through. You cannot help/ force anything. Be there to listen, validate, etc. BUT she has to heal on her own.

[badcompany]

that's what i figured.

p.s. - I found out from her sister and our mutual best friend. I'm not supposed to know or find out obviously, so she won't be coming to me for advice or consolation.

[lost_in_space]

Are you sure the message is accurate? Although, act as if and it doesn't matter.

[badcompany]

what message ?

[lost_in_space]

That they are done?

[badcompany]

yes it was confirmed from two sources who spoke to my Wife.....one of which was with her while she was bawling.