Going dark does seem to be working. I haven't contacted H since Sat (3 whole days, this is the longest it's been) and then I get this email from him - am I supposed to respond? What am I supposed to say? See my other post re: the letter he wrote to me. I feel like if I do respond then I've set myself back in the DB process.. I have no idea what to do, please advise:
Hi- you didn't respond back to my instant message so either you did not want to, or you didn't see it. Anyway, I just wanted to see everything was okay with you, you got in okay and you had a good trip (I hope?) I'm sorry if my letter to you hurt or anything, i just want to be honest with you and myself so hope you can understand this is still very hard for me. If I'm not helping but this contact, than I will understand if you do not wish to contact me back. Before I said I didn't want to talk and thought you were pushing a bit too much, but I never did say we should not talk/communicate at all. I just don't know.
----- Our chat on Wed, 8/20/08 10:11 AM -----
Michael (10:11 AM): H i- do you mind if i check in real quick?
Oh, and just to add... he actually did tell me before not to communicate with him, he said that I couldn't expect him to just talk to me like normal & make normal conversation.
I'm still a novice at going dark, and it hasn't actually worked that much for me, but looks like it's done good things for you!
Quote:
Before I said I didn't want to talk and thought you were pushing a bit too much, but I never did say we should not talk/communicate at all. I just don't know.
The good thing that I get from that is the "I just don't know." Only in bizarre DB world would something like that be a positive, but I definitely take that as a sign of confusion. If he's confused, I would say that the door is still open.
If it were me, I would contact him (not right away--I'd wait 24 hours)with a pretty positive response,something that demonstrates one of your 180s. Perhaps you could say something like you've just been taking some time to think about what it is that you want and need, and that's why you hadn't had the chance to get back to him. This would demonstrate that you haven't been sitting around pining about the relationship, but that you've actually been questioning things too. You could either leave it at that, or say that maybe in the next week you'd be willing to meet up and talk.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
