She's moving out!

[JCJ]

Hi Firedog,

I haven't posted to you before but I just wondered if you had read TwinDad's story. It just struck me that you may find it helpful.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1448717&page=6&fpart=1

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1509249&page=3&fpart=1

J

[firedog31d6]

Yes, I just read it and it is encouraging to hear that some sitch's are working out for the best. Oh how I wish I could give some good progress reports!

Last night, W called twice. First time was to tell me that D had won a stuffed animal out of a machine. That conversation went okay. I just giggled and said that she was talented and she gave the phone to D. Then I get a phone call last night and she told me that her 2nd grade teacher had just called her. She said that D was not foccusing and seemed to be having a hard time getting her work done. This is not at all like our child. She is very smart and we have never had a phone call like this from a teacher... especially on the 2nd week of school already. My W said "maybe it's because she had too much sugar over the summer and we need to stop letting her eat so much sweets". She also said that she was being very "defiant" and "disrespectful" to her (my W) and refusing to do what she was told......

I felt like reaching through the phone (I did not though) and asking her if she was really that naive to believe that her decision wasn't having a tragic effect on our D!!!!!! And that the effects of her actions will cause permanent issues like this. I just said "would you like me to have a talk with her?". She puts Emily on the phone and I told the D that she was much smarter than that, and that I was dissappointed to hear that she wasn't doing good in class. I also told her that she needed to do what she was told as if I were there and that just because I wasn't there didn't mean that she could do whatever she wanted... that I would be dealing with her if I kept hearing of such reports etc... She said "yes sir" and then I told her I loved her and would see her on Thursday...She said "I love you too daddy" and handed the phone back to W.

She will never admit that her decision to leave is going to hurt our D in any way. She maintains that "kids are tough" and that she will eventually adapt and overcome....This really urks me to no end that I have to just sit back and watch my family dissolve and my daughter become a statistic and I cannot do anything about it.

[hopeforfuture]

I walked into this place, and felt like I was in a rat hole!!!! It was nothing but a small store front with 1 activity room. The people there didn't seem to have their act together at all. I was very uncomfortable, and my wife noticed. She kept asking me what was wrong, and I said "nothing". She knew better though, and after I paid the money, we were walking to the parking lot and she said "what's the deal?". I replied "aww, it's probably just my obssessive nature or something". I tried to leave it alone, but she pressed the issue and I just flat out told her "I'm just not comfortable okay!". Then I got in my truck and left. I don't know if this was a bad thing to say or not, being that I'm supposed to act as if and all. When it comes to my kid, I tend to get very emotional and she knows that. Even when we were inside the "rat hole", and she asked me what was wrong, it was almost as if she were "taunting". She had this grin on her face as if to say "finally, you know you can't control something, and it's eating you alive isn't it?"

Maybe she wasn't feeling that way, but it sure seemed so.

Firedog,
I was just reading your posts and needed to comment on this one point especially...

I don't know if this was a bad thing to say or not, being that I'm supposed to act as if and all.

You should never act 'as if' when it comes to the welfare of you daughter. Acting as if relates to your interactions with W's actions. You should not let the things she does bother you and you should appear as though you are not distraught, depressed, etc. Act as if you are happy and in control. If the daycare staff concerns you, this needs to be clearly expressed to your W. If I read this correctly, you are the one that paid the bill here right? You need to have some input on these decisions.

I don't think I have any unique words of wisdom for you. Keep yourself healthy and busy. GAL and enjoy yourself. Make the best of your times with your daughter. My W moved out back in April and things haven't changed at all for us to this point. Much of what you have written reminds me of my situation. Her decision to move out and then a couple of months into it, she is complaining about how hard it is for her financially. It upsets me (as it does you) that none of this was my decision and yet here I am forced to consider selling our house because she wants her share of the equity.

Focus on the happiness of you and daughter at this point. Things can and will get better. The house and furnishing are just material things and can be replaced.

Stay strong

[firedog31d6]

Thanks,

After doing some research on the daycare, it appears that they do have a good reputation. I haven't found anything negative on them, and my cousin's daughter goes there and she says she loves it. They just have an old facility, and it looks kind of dingey at first, but they do keep it very clean. First impression was bad, but I have been there twice since and am getting more comfortable with it. Only time will tell though. Now I am concerend with my daughter's school issues. She is obviously not engaging in schoolwork which is not like her. She has always been a good student and it is obvious that this sitch between the W and I is shaking her world right now and it's having a direct effect on her life already.

[ms ladybug]

Maybe she ate too much sugar over the summer?? Are you kidding me? Is that the best she could come up with? Is is coincidental that she moves, and then has trouble concentrating? Nope...it's all that sugar she ate!
Sorry. sorry. sorry...but wow that was weak. I'm so sorry this is effecting your d. Of course it's hurting her.
Any way you can get your d into some sort of counseling? Divorcecare has a class called dc4k. You might look them up.

[firedog31d6]

Yes, I am familiar with DC4K

My church offers that class and I have wanted to attend the one for adults, but I am involved in the music ministry there and we practice at the same time as the class. I will look into getting her into that class, but the W will probably bring up some issues with it... Really don't care much about her reaction to it at this point. I've got to take care of Emily.

Thanks

[Joe]

Yo Dog,

I hope you and your family are doing ok after IKE! You must be busy as hell.

Sorry we have not talked in a while, but I am still here and just following up on your sitch.

Be tough for a few more weeks buddy. I have a feeling that she will cave in sooner or later. That sounds horrible, but you have been doing a really good job at DBing!! It will get better. Just keep it up.

Keep up the faith to. The last 3 weeks at our church has been powerful for me. Our Pastor talked about humility, honesty and yesterday was forgiveness. Of course my w missed them all and I missed the one on honesty. But I wish she would have been there for the forgiveness sermon.....POWERFUL!!!!

Sounds like what your w needs a little of to huh Pal? Man you must have b*lls the size of a dump truck to help move your bride out and try and keep a straight face?? Nice going.

Have to run, keep in touch ok.

Joe

[Joe]

Dog where are ya?

I joined a new support group last night which you probably heard of called Firefighter's for Christ. They just had a big event up here where they brought in 3 FDNY survivors of 911. I missed it but they recorded it so Im gonna check out the DVD with my w whom actually said she would watch it with me???? Cool, I'll take it when I can get it.

Where the hell are ya anyhow? Still cleaning up your home town I bet after IKE? Come back on, I want to hear some stories!!

Joe