She's moving out!

[firedog31d6]

Well, I guess I should have seen this coming. Here's the email I got today

Aaron,
>
> Just wanted to let you know that since our conversation on that Sunday you moved home I just found out today that I was approved for an apartment complex in Kingwood and can begin moving in as of August 29th. We will need to sit down and decide what items will stay with you at the house and which items will be going with Emily and I. I did as you asked and stayed within 30 minutes of you so that you can see Emily as often as you would like. I understand that things have not been that bad around the house, but I just do not feel comfortable staying at the house with you with our situation unresolved at this time. I know this is probably not what you were wanting to happen with our situation, but I really feel I am making a good decision. Emily will stay at Deerwood and will be going to the Kingwood Day Care. I hope that you understand why I am making this decision and will respect my decision. I will let Emily know about my decision, so please do not say anything to her until I have a chance to discuss it with her myself. I am not sure if I will talk to her tonight or tomorrow, but I will let her know that we are moving in the next 2 weeks. We can still plan a birthday celebration for her at Chucky Cheese if that is what she wants to do. We can still stay in contact in regards to Emily, but I would appreciate it if at this time you will not try to convience me that what I am doing is wrong and just respect my decision in this matter.
>
> Charity


Here's what I sent in response.... Please let me know if this sounds like good DBng or not. Thanks


Charity,

As hard as it may be for me, I most certainly will respect your decision and will not stand in your way!

Allthough I still believe that there are many options out there for us (me mostly) to turn things around someday and really give the world "something to talk about", I totally understand that right now you are just not happy and can't imagine things getting any better like this.......It took a big hit for me to understand, but I finally get it now...I would give anything right now for a chance to go back and do and say some things differently, but all I can do now is be a man, and take my medicine.

I don't know how yet, but I will do my best to keep the mortgages paid until our house sells. I will gladly sit and discuss our division of property with you as you wish, and will even help you move into your appartment. Me and Sonny have become pro's at this after Mom's ordeal last week and he has a trailor that he will let us use. Please don't deny me the opportunity to do this okay Charity. I'm not doing it for any reason other than to be a friend, who cares deeply for you and wants you to know that you can call on me for anything. Despite what my actions lately may have expressed to you, I do not have any "hidden agendas", or "tricks up my sleeve" so to speak. I realize that I may not be able to be your husband right now, but at least let me be a friend to you okay?

In the meantime, I will continue to work on myself, and be the best father, and positive, Godly example I can be to our precious daughter. I will continue to pray for our situation as well, and ask God to lead us both in the right direction through this difficult road ahead.

I think you know by now that I do not want a divorce, so I won't keep repeating that, but I didn't want you to think that I had totally given up on us either. I realize that you have some very big decisions ahead of you that will effect the rest of yours and our live's and I can no longer do or say anything to conrol it. We have a lot invested in each other, and have been through so many of life's experiences together, and I do hope that you will take your time and carefully consider all the alternatives that stand before you. Of course my desire is to have a very strong, happy, love-filled, God-centered marriage with you by my side.....Nevertheless, at the end of the day, I promise to respect whatever decision you make, and will no longer try to stand in your way.

Respectfully Yours

Aaron

[Changed Woman]

Hey, Firedog-

I'm really sorry to hear about your W moving out. I'm not really familiar with your sitch and why you two were having issues in the first place, but I think you did a great job with your email to W. Please try and stay positive...I have found that letting go and "giving it to God" helps me...as corny as that may sound.

I'll think happy thoughts about you and your wife.

[firedog31d6]

I got a call from her today. She called me while on her way to the dentist. Said she has an infected molar, and the dentist wants to do a root canal. She came home a bit "loopy" from the vicodin and we ended up having a great night together.

We watched a video of me grappling, and she just kept opening up conversations, so I very calmly went along with it. I know that the medicine has a tendancy to make you very comfortable, so I took total advantage of her "euphoric state" and we ended up watching an old video of our D's 1st birthday. She told me to put it on, and then she wanted to re-watch my ju-jitzu video...I think she was kinda turned on by seeing me in a tight rash guard or something. If not, then I'll never turn her on because I have managed at the age of 31 to be in the best physical shape of my entire life.

Anyway, I know by listening to the vet's here that this is nothing but a baby step, and I really haven't gotten my hopes up by this. Tommorrow is another day, and I'll continue to stay the course. Thanks to all who have responded and helped me thus far.... Semper-fi!

[firedog31d6]

She told the D-7 that they were moving into an appartment the other day and bless her heart, she didn't bother to tell her that daddy wasn't coming with! I was walking my D up to the school yesterday for "meet the teacher" night and she asked when we were moving into our appartment. I said "you and mommy you mean"? She asked me why I wasn't moving with them, and I just said, "mommy wants a place of her own". My W met us at the school and we met the teacher and finished getting her registered. We joked, and I flirted a little. Then we went to get her signed up for after school daycare.

My wife decided to pull her out of the program at the YMCA and move her into one that she had heard about because our D didn't seem to enjoy the Y's. I walked into this place, and felt like I was in a rat hole!!!! It was nothing but a small store front with 1 activity room. The people there didn't seem to have their act together at all. I was very uncomfortable, and my wife noticed. She kept asking me what was wrong, and I said "nothing". She knew better though, and after I paid the money, we were walking to the parking lot and she said "what's the deal?". I replied "aww, it's probably just my obssessive nature or something". I tried to leave it alone, but she pressed the issue and I just flat out told her "I'm just not comfortable okay!". Then I got in my truck and left. I don't know if this was a bad thing to say or not, being that I'm supposed to act as if and all. When it comes to my kid, I tend to get very emotional and she knows that. Even when we were inside the "rat hole", and she asked me what was wrong, it was almost as if she were "taunting". She had this grin on her face as if to say "finally, you know you can't control something, and it's eating you alive isn't it?"

Maybe she wasn't feeling that way, but it sure seemed so.

[firedog31d6]

Funny conversation last night.

She was on vicodin for infected tooth again, so when I got home from the gym, I knew she would be in the mood to talk. I was very up beat... almost too much, but I sat down on the couch and we watched the Texans vs Cowboys game. During the game, somehow we wound up in small talk and it turned into a very in depth conversation about her boss, who is widowed and looking to get a new man. She was married to a drug-addict and stayed with him for over 19 years while he treated her terribly. She talked about how she was a prayer warrior and never gave up and would keep forgiving him. I saw this as a grand opportunity to covertly send her a message about our R.

I said "wow, you know she may have had a rough time during all that, but her reward in Heaven will be awesome because of her sacrifice and willingness to remain faithful to her husband even though he was abusing her". Then I asked "why is it that people like him, and other's who willfully do things over and over again, with no desire to change, no conviction whatsoever seem to end up with people who will never give up on them, and will always take them back,

and then you get those who try to do what is right, feel terrible when they do wrong, love their family, would do anything to change and as soon as they do something that's "less than perfect", they get tossed out to the curb like an old pair of shoes?"

She just kinda shrugged her shoulders in agreement, but didn't say much in response. I wonder if it made her think about us or not. I went up stairs and retired quickly after that.

[LolaL]

Hi Fire: Just reading your thread a bit. I think it is okay for you to discuss your D, just do it with respect. Regardless of the "as if" you still have a right to be uncomfortable with your child.

In terms of your convo re: boss, she may have thought about what you said, but I would like to caution you about convo's like that. Right now, your W feels guilty enough, and convo's like that can ultimately make the WAS feel worse. If they feel worse, they are not going to stay to try to make things right, they are going to run to try to make themselves feel better. Remember, right now your W is not thinking about anyone but herself. It is a horrible thing, but guilt feelings will not make them better. Trust me on this, I have tried that one, and it does NOT work . It just pushes them further away.

The thing is, if she brought up the boss, the chances are that she was already thinking what you told her. Let her stew on it in her own mind. You would be surprised, the mind is the greatest asset, and if we just let them think about it, sometimes they come to their own conclusions.

[firedog31d6]

Yeah, I can see what you mean. She may not even remember the conversation much since she was taking pain killer for her tooth and all. I don't know, but she never brought it back up.

[firedog31d6]

Last night was a real blow out!

I took my D to play volleyball with the guys from the station. We had a great time and afterward, I went to exchange some clothes and bought her a cowgirl hat and some boots and told her that it was for her birthday which isn't until next weekend.

Later on, I told the W that I was going to look for her a bicycle and she started in on me. "I thought we agreed that her birthday gifts were coming from both of us, but I see you're going and buying her all this stuff and it's all from you". Then for the rest of the evening, everything that I did was criticized. I finally had enough and said "is there anything else I can screw up for you?". Then I gave her a $100 bill and she asked what it was for... "it's to make up for the screw ups... if you need more, let me know". Then I told her that I can't seem to do anything right and that she picks apart everything I say or do and I just threw up my hands and said "I give up". I stormed up to my office and slammed the door.

The reason for the $100 bill is because she keeps reminding me that she has no money, and starts crying because she realizes that it's going to be tough on her finnacially. She knows that I make more money, and have a little in the bank (not much anymore) but more than she does... What she doesn't think about is that I work 2 jobs and average about 30 hours/week more than most people to get that money. If it weren't for that, I would be squandering too. Besides, I didn't ask her to walk out to begin with. It's like she wants to go and live her own life without any boundaries and spread her wings and fly on her own, but she also wants to have the financial stability that she had when she was at home with me.... She tries to make me feel guilty because she has no money and she gets angry when she sees me moving on with my life and going to the movies with the D, taking her to the water parks, etc... and she can't afford to. I'm sorry, but I don't feel the least bit of sympathy for her right now... I am really angry to be honest... I didn't sign up for this.

What's funny, is that she wants her freedom, and doesn't want to be "forced" to do anything, or be "controlled" right? But who is really being controlled here now? Since I have dropped the rope and left her alone (like she wants), now she wants to control me. I feel like I am the one who is being forced against my will to do something and accept something that I never signed up for to begin with. I never asked for this, but yet I still have to take it like a man and keep my mouth shut "or else". My daughter didn't ask for this either, and yet she too has to be drug down this torturous road that her mother has choosen for them. UGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!! I'm so frustrated...

[Ready2Change]

Not sure what you want to do about D. I have 50/50 custody of my kid as of now (W wanted me to have kids every other weekend).

Setting precedence is key. My L is good! Get a parenting plan in place that you want. Don't be a door matt.....

[firedog31d6]

Well,I did it,

Helped the W move into her new apartment over the weekend. Her brother came down and helped. I spent almost $100 on the task as well. She invited me to eat dinner with her and bro.. and once again for lunch while we were moving. Guess she felt like it would be payment for helping her or something. She was very polite, and we joked around a bit. I tried so hard to keep PMA, but there were times while moving her stuff (mainly my D's stuff) when I would feel myself start to break down and would leave the room. I know she saw the saddness in me... it was just too hard to hide. When her bro and I were finished, we went out to dinner (he and I) and went driving through downtown together. He wanted to know what my side of the story was and I started crying and told him that I hope he never has to endure anything like this in his life. We are very close and he tells me that I am the brother he never had and will always be his bro.

My wife cleaned house. I was left with a few pieces of furniture and about 3 hanging items on the wall. My brand new house looks almost vacant now! It kills me to come home and look at what has happened to the last 14 years of my life. How could she just write it off so easily?

Yesterday, she calls me at work to tell me that our D has opened her B-day presents. Those presents were supposed to be from both of us.. I got a little upset and said "I'm glad I got to see her open them". She said "sorry" and gave the phone to Emily to speak to me.

I am very worried that now I am not only going to loose my wife, but also my rights as a parent. I have been doing some reading on -co-parenting and it appears that the courts here in Texas are in favor of a "stable environment", meaning that they don't want kids to have to be shuttled back and forth between the parents too often. We have managed to keep it 50/50 to this point and my wife has agreed to stay in the school district.. none of this is in writing, and I am worried that the judge won't go for the arrangement or something. I am terrified at the thought of being reduced to a "visitor" or "sunday dad". I want to be a parent, and have been a damn good one for 7 years. I have spent more quality time with her than my wife, who BTW was a stay at home for the first 5 years. Does anybody have anything positive, or hopeful to say to my sitch? I am scared and I feel that my whole life has been yanked out from under me and I have no control over it. I am very lonely and it is all I can do now to put one foot in front of the other.