Hi wondering if my marriage is even worth saving since my H had an affair and now a baby is in the picture. I wonder what part of the equation am I. I told him I would accept the baby and forgive but all he says he wants to be with baby and watch him grow and all that. He is still at the house but doesnt say much and all we do is argue. It is usually me asking him questions.
(((A&F))) I'm so sorry that you are here, but I'm pretty sure right now I'm the closest person that "gets" what you are going through. I'll warn you right up front though, I'm not great at DB'ing, but its worth it.
My H and his OW are about 12 weeks away from the birth of what she hopes is his baby.
My questions to you are these:
What do you want in terms of your marriage and your R?
What led to the problems you two have/have had and what if anything has been done to correct them? IC, MC, etc...
How does this baby change the answers to the first two questions?
What have you done to help yourself?
This aspect only adds so much more pain and confusion to an already horrible situation. I'm here for you if you need me and I'll try and give you the best advice I can.
((((hugs))))
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
thanks for responding....What I want for my marriage/relationship is that we continue either or. My H on the other hand is determined that our marriage is over cause he says I am always going to question about the OW. We had a wonderful marriage before 2007. He was always complaining about my daughter and her behaviors and attitude also before 2007 his parents passed away about a year apart and then i was sick and couldnt have children. He was determined that he wanted a baby but i just could not conceive and we were going to a fertility clinic which he was not happy about. He said he wanted a child with me and him. Then i notice phone calls which he tried to say we were having problems for awhile and it was excuse after excuse...the man i knew and loved had completely changed but me being so trustworthy just kept saying he is depressed and is on high blood pressure meds. (wrong I realize now) Needless to say I found out about the affair..unexpectly about a month before the baby was born. Now he says it is best for me to leave and all he wants to do is see the baby grow up and be there for him. As far as feelings toward the OW ...i dont know ...and he was there for the birth of the baby...and boy did the anger kick in after that...yikes you are going thru the same thing...do you want to stay with your H.?? All that mine says he knows how he feels for me and those are his feelings and I deserve better. He is full of guilt right now....and i just perturb him off. My story is so long...thinking everything was my fault and if only I caught on all the signs would this would have stopped them. I still love my husband so .....we have alot of healing ahead of us...well i am trying to get back to work..but decided just to do permanent substituting work for now...dont know what is down the road and didnt want to sign contract. He now tells me that he has put in for a transfer and I am not included. I just want to do what is right before God's eyes and be at peace with the decisions we make and that we tried everything to restore our marriage. OH he doesnt want to go to MC or talk to anyone about this...he doesnt talk about baby because he knows the way the baby was conceived was wrong...his daughter went back home to mom and mine moved out of the house. So I feel I should just throw in the towel. suggestions................. If you need to vent well you have a friend cause I thot I was only one going through this. *************************************************************** Me 43 H 45 Kids: SD-15 D 18 Together: 10years M: 7years Bomb: June 5, 2008 still together in house July 14,2008 baby born
Last edited by alwaysandforever; 08/19/0802:51 AM.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
