Just thought I would start a new thread with a title more in keeping with the current situation.
W and I are moving forward and I try not to look back although I do get daily attacks of negative thoughts which I manage to fight off. The latest one was W was getting all giddy about the renovation plans for the house and wanted to give me hugs and kisses as she talked about new flooring and new fire places etc. I was immediately overcome with the thought that she wouldn't be getting all of this if she was still **** OM or why didn't you stay with OM and see if he could give you all of this. But negative thoughts come and negative thoughts go, so hopefully in time they will fade away.
The renovation plans are going on, the work is bigger and more expensive than we originally planned, but that's women for you, change their minds, change plans and spend, spend, spend. Actually to her credit W is working two jobs now cos we need the money, I still feel the burden of debt, but it's not killing me so we can move on.
Our R is much better and W is less inclined to nit pick at me, but she has big distractions with the house and she is happy with the way things are going on that front. Intermacy is on hold at the moment cos W and D6 are staying at IL's while I stay at the house living amongst the dust and rubble, I don't mind a bit of discomfort, in fact I like living as a cross between a student and a homeless person. I may stay with W at the weekend, but I'll need to get D6 out of the bed so we can enjoy some Mummy and Daddy time.
So as I said at the start we are moving forward and trying not to look back.
Me:50 W: 49 T:20yrs M: 14 yrs D:11 2005 PA 2006: EA (2003 : 2007) 2007: April ILYBNILWY Aug PA, Sept Separate 2008: Feb Piecing 2009 Limbo 2011: Separated (same house) 2013: Divorcing
I've been following, but haven't posted before. I think those daily negative thoughts are kind of a post traumatic stress disorder--aftershocks, and they will slowly fade. I'm thinking mine will take a looooong time, but they don't hurt as much now as they did before.
I hope all continues to improve as the renovation progresses and you and W settle back in to normal routines. You seem to have a clear head about your sitch. Well done!
Yeah, the negative thoughts come and go but I manage to keep a lid on them. I think at the moment they are fuelled by W showing no remorse and her seemingly being rewarded for her bad behaviour in that we are renovating the house something she always wanted us to do and she gets it by creating havoc in our M. Also OM not suffering at all for the pain he has caused in out M. But I process these all in my head and put them to one side, but they keep popping up at in opportune times .
I think like you it will take time for them to fade for me but that won't stop me living or moving forward, if I let the negative thoughts take control then I lose. So here's to thinking positive thoughts.
The house renovation are still going on and we are over budget we should get an updated quote this week. For now I'm taking the head in the sand approach otherwise the financial stress would be getting to me. We will get by, it's just that I don't have a plan at the moment, but I'm working on it.
D6 and MIL witness a traffic accident in which an old lady was hit by a van, I think the lady died at the scene. D6 was very upset and quite hysterical at the time, but passing motorist took them both home. D6 seem to be ok when I got home in the evening, she recounted the days events to me and then she asked for a biscuit and was off playing with her dolls again. So hopefully no lasting damage there but I'll keep an eye on her. I just feel for the old lady and her family.
W and I have pushed back out trip to Barcelona, our original date was too close to FIL big operation so we are now going in October. (We'll get there eventually).
Apart from the money, I would say things are going along fine, W often tells me that she loves me, little things like this helps to push the negative thoughts away, in fact my thoughts have been very positive this week , yep things seem to be moving in the right direction, and I'm trying not to look back.
Dude you inspired me with your talk about your house renovation. Before all of this I had a fantastic Vegetable garden every year with plenty of extras for everyone. Last year when all this came to light I gave up. NO garden at all. The back lawn died. (I did keep the roses up). I have been doing allot of work at MIL and my moms house but Mine fell apart. A few days ago while son and I was swimming wife came out to pick what little veg. I planted this year. She looked at the dead lawn and said kind of sadly. "This used to be so green". It was then that I decided that my house / HOME need to be resurrected. I need to make it again a place that someone would want to stay. A place of comfort. Started yesterday and can't wait to get home tonight.
Thanks for the inspiration
Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I cannot take the credit for my house renovations, it was all my wifes idea and it was one of the things at the heart of our problems, all her friends had nice show houses but ours was just somewhere to live. But if it has inspired you then take full advantage of it and do as many things as you can. I think your W will apprieciate it and it may bring you closer to the kind of connection with her that you are looking for. Take up the challenge and become Home Improvements man.
Hi. As the wife who had the affair and whom has tremedous remorse - how do I help my H to stop focusing on the negative thoughts. He says they are over whelming and constant when with me.
I immediately ended my affair, attended every councelling session requested, apologised a million times etc
What do i do next ? How does a man think... is it his ego that is the barrier I cannot breahkthrough ?
Hi. As the wife who had the affair and whom has tremedous remorse - how do I help my H to stop focusing on the negative thoughts. He says they are over whelming and constant when with me.
I immediately ended my affair, attended every councelling session requested, apologised a million times etc
What do i do next ? How does a man think... is it his ego that is the barrier I cannot breahkthrough ?
Hi Max. Wow, that's a question and a half! Do you have your own thread where we could respond?
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
