It took me a while, but I have finally figured out how OW does it. For the last 4 years she has been slowly working on him to split us up. She has made him emotionally dependent on her for everything. For all this time she constantly has been telling him..."Your wife is a b*%ch.", "She doesn't care about you.", "She doesn't love you.", "I love you, not her.", "I'm the only one who loves you.", "Only I love you with all my heart and soul.", "She doesn't care.", She doesn't want to listen to you.", "I'm the only one who loves you."...etc. It has been repeated enough times that he now believes it. He barely speaks to me. He is convinced that I don't care about him or his feelings. I don't know how to counteract this. When he is home, she texts him about every 3-5 minutes. She is constantly in touch with him, keeping him under her thumb. Her H has left her, so she is free to do anything now. H comes home and tells me something and I don't know about it because he has told OW, not me and then he gets mad when I don't know what he's talking about, because he has forgotten what woman he has told. I have been working more and getting out and trying to enjoy myself. It's hard. He doesn't seem to notice what I do, except everything he does notice is wrong and an excuse to fight with me. If I try a 180, I'm sure he'll just be relieved that he is being left alone, and the fact that I have trouble being open and talking about my feelings is part of our problem. It would be just playing into OW's hands. I don't know how to reverse the OW's brainwashing, I don't even know how to start. I feel hopeless.
From reading all of your old posts, you've allowed all of this to happen. If you KNOW he's been cheating on your for YEARS, why have you stayed with him, without so much as establishing any boundaries whatsoever?
HE BRINGS HER BY THE HOUSE???? WTF???
This is why I am for the aggressive approach to breaking up affairs. Because, over time, they COMPLETELY destroy the self-esteem and emotional health of the betrayed spouse.
I implore you to TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT. Expose his affair, to the OW's husband (her sugar daddy), at least. Then do the LRT and go as dark as possible on him, and just work on yourself.
You've neglected yourself far too long, and this man is NOT worth your effort, in my opinion.
I am as pro-marriage as anyone here, but this has gotten ridiculous, and I hate to see you hurting like this.
Completely agree with PDT, the fact that he brings her by your house is so disrespectful it pisses me off and I hardly know you. You do deserve better than this, and him I think.
H - 37 (me) W - 34 M - almost 8 years, Dated 6 LYBNILWY - 7/23/2008 W says nothing can save the M - 8/05/2008, 8/17/2008 W admits E attraction with OM - 8/05/2008 no kids - four cats Previous post: What to do
