New Thread, new life, new happiness

[HopefultotheEnd]

I've been in Newcomers for a bit and my thread there is about to lock (I think) and have been reading some of the useful posts in this section, so here I am.

My W moved out just over a month ago leaving me with my daughter (4) and her daughter(9)(my stepdaughter). She has rented a room in a shared house where she can't have the kids (They have been there to see where mommy lives.) She has at least two OM, and is chatting/texting with others.

I've gone through some...emotional fluctuation, which has me feeling lost, then ok then angry. rinse, repeat. You can throw in a few other feelings too. Fortunately I've been able to keep my feelings from my W and more importantly the Kids and have not acted on any oddball ideas. (well not many anyway.)

Today I'm on a feeling pretty good phase. I had been avoiding contact with the W most of the time save when she comes over two or three evenings a week to see the kids. I would usually go do something fun but when I came home she would be there and we would interact though pleasantly.

I have recently stopped pretty much any non-child or financial oriented conversation. I try not to be rude and to act happy. (I am these days mostly) I'm not sure if any of this is going to dent her fog but I'm still willing. (A little) and am making slow but steady progress on myself.

Feedback, encouragement, and/or idle chit chat is welcome. I feel that even with DB and this forum that I'm still a bit lost.

For those interested here are my last threads detailing my story:

Thread 1,

Thread 2,

last thread

Thanks for reading.

[HopefultotheEnd]

Bump.

[HopefultotheEnd]

LOL, well I still feel pretty good. It is strange to think of my R and still mourn for my family and the impact this will have on the kids but not mourn so much for the W.

[ms ladybug]

I hear you on that. It sounds like your doing well. Keeping busy, GAL, and being an awesome dad. I guess as a mom, it just surprises me that your wife would even choose a place where the kids can't move to. There's no way I'd even consider that as an option.

Welcome to the sep forum. We're not as busy as the others, but there's a lot of advice and hugs as we get to know you.

[HopefultotheEnd]

Some days I don't think I'm doing as well as I can spin it. It can be rough. So far no amount of be being happy for myself erased the sadness that I have for the kids. My parents are still together and that is really important to me. I feel like I've failed them or at least failed to provide them with at what I had growing up.

I can't imagine her leaving the kids either. Technically I have zero custody over my stepdaughter (but I love her as my own) So I feel a bit taken advantage of.

I was thinking that it would be rough if I had to share them 50/50 that would mean being away from them for a week at a time. So now at least I pretty much get to spend time with them everyday.

I have a huge fear of missing out on stuff. Yet at the same time I have guilt for sometimes wishing I was the WAS and had the freedom that my W now enjoys.

On the other hand by her own admission and my own common sense that life is not fulfilling so I'm glad for the time I have with my kids.

Thanks, I could use some of both, advice and hugs.

[ms ladybug]

((((HTTE)))))
They call it roller coaster ride. The down times are hard as hell.
Just be who you need to be for those girls. That's the most important thing right now.

Where in CA are you?

[HopefultotheEnd]

I'm in the Northern part of the SF bay area.

This is a roller coaster for sure. My peaks and vallies are frequent but much more shallow than they once were. (hey, that kinda rhymes.)

I had a minor break in my LRT tonight. W and I were discussing our scary finances and figuring out how we were going to take D9 to school this year when she says that she has been depressed lately. I try to validate her feelings and switch the subject when she goes on to say that she is lonely and stressed etc. As I listened to her I just couldn't stop myself from walking up to her. When she finished I said, "Well, you should go before I hug you." I then backed away a step. She said, "Hug me." So I did.

I'm not really worried about it but it was a moment of weakness. I can at least bragg that I was first to let go, and from then on I was very much back-to-buisiness. I told her that I needed to get to bed and then did not follow her to the door. I said bye from the kitchen.

I knew what I was doing when I asked the question, and I knew what the answer would be. I suppose I like knowing that she still wants me to hug her. (I havn't for at least two weeks)

Nice thing is that I feel ok about it. not sad.

Anyway, I just wanted to write it down while it was still fresh.

[HopefultotheEnd]

Last night I found out that my W broke it off with her OM.

I don't think it has much to do with me but it explains why she told me that she has been feeling depressed and lonely this week.

I don't think it means anything for me yet, other than I get some hidden satisfaction from it. I'm going to try to stay the course. I need to not act, not mention it, and not look at it as an opportunity. Part of me though does see i as a good sign.

I sense that I'm at the crest of the roller coaster about to rush down...and want to...see how she feels? I think I can be stronger than that.

[HopefultotheEnd]

Also W called me "honey" last night...LOL.

I'm sure it was a slip and she didn't even notice but I did. No reaction though. I was amused.

[HopefultotheEnd]

Some days are harder than others. I had a great weekend, Went out, visited with friends stayed up way too late...this morning, and last night I want to ask the W questions. So easy to rationalize...I didn't do it yet but I sure want to.

I had lots of attention from women this weekend. Sure being hit on felt good but I wasn't really interested.

So last night when W gets to the house with the kids, I can't resist. I hug her again and this time there's a little peck.

I swear I need professional help...Oh wait...I'm getting some.

Thanks for listening.