It's been a while since I posted. I continue to lurk but haven't had much to report. I thought I would update a couple of the more recent developments.
My ex spent Easter weekend with our son. I could tell something was bothering her when she dropped him off. It wasn't too long after she left that she called for what seemed to be a fuss fest. She was highlighting all of our son's shortcomings and assigning blame to me as a parent. Once she finished, I asked her what was really bothering her and she opened up a little. She had spent the weekend in a hotel, the price of gas, and the incidentals all added up to be a rather expensive weekend. Knowing she couldn't afford these type of trips, she was realizing the frequency of them would have to be reduced. I reminded her that I had offered to let her stay at my house but she had declined because she wasn't comfortable with it.
She was feeling chatty at this point and went on to say that she regrets running out on our marriage. If nothing else, she should have committed to working on it for the sake of our son. She said she was an extrodinarily selfish person and as soon as things weren't as she thought they should be, she bolted. She said she had been dating and had learned that we didn't really have a bad marriage. I asked why doesn't she do something about it. She said she didn't know but she was trying to figure it out. She began highlighting some changes she had made in regard to female friends she hung out with, the reduced frequency she was going out...etc....but felt in the meantime, it was ok to have some fun dating. I listened but knew that freelance dating on her part was not in my best interest if she was really committed to working on herself. The conversation ended pleasantly.
One trait with my ex that is very dicernable is the extreme distance she puts between us when she does meet someone she likes. She becomes more critical and condescending in her tone. it almost reeks of bitterness and resentment. I never know from one call to the next which attitude I will get.
Fast forward a couple of months to my birthday. We had not spoken very much during this period but she called me to discuss plans to have our son visit her for a week before school started back. She asked if it was my birthday and I told her yes. Her voice changed into this sheepish little girl type tone and she wished me happy birthday and wanted to know if I had plans to celebrate. I simply offered a thank you and a yes. She asked if I had a date. She has NEVER inquired about such a thing in the past. It actually caught me off guard and I paused. I responded that I wasn't sure I would classify it as such but a friend had planned something for me. This made her pause. She then changed the subject to what plans she was making for the week with our son.
She came to pick up our son, again staying the night in a hotel. I offered my home again but she declined. They spent the week together and my son reported he was introduced to a new boyfriend. I wasn't surprised as her behavior the previous 4 to 6 months was a pretty good indicator that she was invested emotionally with someone.
In summary, nothing has changed but the seasons since my last post. I continue to move forward and find I look back less and less to see if she is coming. :-)
One trait with my ex that is very dicernable is the extreme distance she puts between us when she does meet someone she likes. She becomes more critical and condescending in her tone. it almost reeks of bitterness and resentment. I never know from one call to the next which attitude I will get.
Sounds about right. She basically considers her options as a single person and wonders, "what if", about you. Not exactly inspiring you to a lot of confidence in her motivation even if she wanted to try again. You'll probably get a similar call when things with BF end. Hopefully at some point you realize that you don't have to be anyone's fallback plan. That's all beside the point since she's now interested in someone else...while unfortunately it sounds like she's content to let the R with her son slide.
As for you, it may help you to think of her as any other woman. Is her behavior attractive to you? Her being selfish is pretty much who she, at least right now. She'd need work to be anything else. Would you click on her profile on a dating site if it said, "extraordinarily selfish person".
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
