Yes, sweetie pie, raising sons is a picnic next to raising a daughter. And getting a girl through her traumatic teen years on your own with no one to confer with and help you set limits is downright SCARY!
Ashley is 19 so just as yours enters the teen years, mine is leaving them behind. But she is still tough at times. One minute she loves me and wants my advice. The next minute she is grouchy and steers clear of me. The next she is crying over some boy AGAIN. and the next minute she is mad at me for interfering. The life of MOM. I take comfort in the fact that we are close. She chooses to live at home (oh, I'm sure it has something to do with the comforts she has here). But I also know that we will always be there for one another.
Just tonight, after she has broken up with BF a week or so ago, we were talking. And I said "Aren't you glad I didn't let you move in with him?" And she said "Yes mom, I'm so glad you stopped me". So - never let it be said that you can't ever say I told you so (well, I didn't but I thought it) or that setting limits is not a good thing.
She has no shortage of guys interested in her. One just picked her up in his brand new Cadillac CTS. Of course I asked her if he deals drugs on the side. I know he paid for it with his good job and overtime but still...
Be prepared for the second rockiest roller coaster of your life. As the rest of us know - nothing could top the first one.
Happy birthday to your daughter> now take some dramamine.
UMMMM... I believe I'll take some of that tequila floating around the lemonade stand instead of the dramamine if you don't mind. Did you really have to give me such a large dose of reality in what's to come Barb!!!????
Psa 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
Yes, we are trying to save money. It definately is the way to go, but it doesn't stop H from complaining about what we ARE spending on it ("Isn't there a cheaper way? Can't we do this online and take it to court ourselves?".)
I don't think it will cost us more than $3000, total. We have to file (like $200, have to walk the paperwork to court ourselves, lovely) and then one more mediation appt (maybe $300). We avoided a huge retainer, she agreed to only work on our stuff while we were there, and we would only pay her by the hour.
My husband. Yes, I came close to crying in the appt last time. He shot me a cold hard look, like I was a complete idiot (can't even remember what was being discussed), like I was trying to 'take him'. I hate it. He is constantly asking me "What do you want child-support wise? Give me a number". I told him I want the mediator to throw numbers out, and we'll go from there. I told him I want enough to sleep at night knowing bills are paid.
I am so very sorry about your son. So very sorry. I remember breezing through the medical/long term care (for kids) part of the agreement, thinking we are so blessed to have such an easy journey with our kids so far. I can't imagine the pain you have been through. I am very sorry.
LnF: Better to go in with your eyes wide open. With girls - there is always drama. And tears. With my son - much less so. He broke up with his GF while I was in Europe (and still married). He didn't even TELL his dad. Just missed a day of school with a tummy ache. Of course he had to tell me the whole story when I returned. I guess its a "mom" thing. But there was not big drama at all.
No matter what when Ash put me through the wringer, I just kept reminding myself that she loves me and someday she'll remember all this and laugh. Hopefully I will too.
lwb: Thank you. It happened a long time ago. When I was still in my 20s, a young mom with another baby. He was my oldest and got sick at age 4. A true nightmare. But it was a long time ago and I've devoted mylife to giving him the best one I can. He lives with me in my non-handicapped house which I've been making changes to and it is all working out nicely now.
I don't think a D has to cost so much but I do think you can sometimes spend $500 to gain $5000. It all depends on the lawyer.
Where you live are there tables for child support? Here there are. It is based on the income of the non-custodial parent and on the number of kids. If my ex were to not pay the required amount, he could be in court in 30 days.
Your H might be asking you to "toss out a number", thinking he might get a better deal. Don't fall for it. Educate yourself as much as you can to your needs, those of your children and what the law says you can have. And don't be afraid of asking for too much. Your H wanted this D, not you. And he is going to have to pay.
Yep.... I know you're right Barb. It wouldn't do any good for either of us for me to be wearing blinders. I've always heard that boys and girls are like night and day.... it's just that I'm now beginning to really see it. It's a shame that our boys don't feel as comfortable going to their dads with matters of the heart as they could offer wise counsel.... of course that'd mean they'd have to have garnered a little wisdom themselves along the way....unfortunately for so many of us here that isn't the case with our exh. We do the best we can do and pray for strength to lead along the right path.
okay.... it's lights out for me! Have a great day tomorrow!
Psa 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
Thanks so much Barbie. Who knows what H is asking when he wants me to throw out a number. I know he is worrying about how broke he is going to be. I make more than him, but the kids are going to live with me for the most part. Its very confusing with our schedules (both federal law enforcement). I don't want him broke, but I am with you: He wants this, he needs to figure out how the heck we are both going to make it separately on the same amount of money.
The Excel spreadsheet the mediator gave us figured out the state child support for our state, but for the life of me, I can't remember what it is!! I need to do some homework. Thanks again!
