My STBXH's girlfriend's XH apparently is violent

[cw68]

OK, this morning I get a text from my STBXH asking if I contacted his girlfriend's ex-husband as someone called him last night telling him that"L" is dating. It wasn't me.

(I do hate this gal, she's the one that my STBXH was having, at the least an emotional, affair with last fall. Very conveniently, they "reconnected" after I moved out of the house and he was pulling together divorce papers.)

Anyway, STBXH is concerned because this man was making threats to "L" and past incidents leads STBXH and "L" to believe that he could followed through on them. I don't know what the threats were.

Here's where I'm concerned. STBXH says that this guy doesn't know who he is, but what if he finds out and confronts my STBXH when he has my kids? I had already arranged a meeting with my attorney for tomorrow, but can anyone give any tips on what to do?

I'm pretty concerned that his girlfriend's ex is violent and whatever potential negative consequences this poses for my children.

[BigHands]

Well, since no one else will chime in here, I'll add my $.02, for what it's worth.

Your kids are the only part of this that matter to you. Do whatever you have to in order to KNOW they're safe. If you have concerns, bring them up. If they're ignored, use authority, whether in the form of raising your voice, or getting a court order. There's nothing that says you can't get an order of protection keeping someone dangerous from your kids either. Ideally, their father would be all over this. But, it sounds like he's not going to man up.

[BigHands]

And . . .

I'd like an Irish Car Bomb please.

[cw68]

My attorney is going to comb some databases for her and his names to see what's up. Obviously, there's nothing I can really do pro-actively, but info would be good. STBXH and I have couple's counseling soon and I really want this situation to be the main topic of conversation during our session. I'm really hoping that the counselor can plant a few seeds in STBXH's head that may actually take root one day. It can't come from me.

[cw68]

Well, big surprise, he wasn't able to do the last counseling session. He had the papers served last week, headed off to Vegas after making plans to take girlfriend to Hawaii in two weeks. Really hope ex-husband doesn't find out.

Right now I have my attorney doing a full back-ground check on both her and her ex. I think I'm probably going to have a restraining order placed on her to stay away from my kids until I can better monitor the situation. That shouldn't change anything that's going on between the two of them because she hasn't been introduced to the kids yet. This will just add one layer of safety between her XH and my kids for the time being.

This gal's whack, tho. Her XH is 32 years older than her, she has step-sons who are her age and five years older. She got fired from her employer last summer (our dentist, where she met my STBXH while cleaning his teeth) and sued them. This girl is drama and I just want the drama away from my kids.