Since my Dad's passing and the passing of my job, I've had a lot of time for reflection.
Seems I've been extremely moody lately with my D23. Pretty much everything she says irritates me. By the time she graduates college she will have been there for 6 years. And, during this time, I've been doling out money to her. Her father is no longer helping financially. Also, I resent the fact that she "expects" favors from me. MG and I are giving her a lot of furniture from our combined households. We agreed to take it to her next weekend. I met up with her last night to deliver a box that she'd requested and brought some other boxes that were hers also. She said that she could "only" take the box she'd requested because she was between moves. I told her that MG wanted me to take as much as I could because his truck would not hold "everything" that was coming to her and we didn't want to make more than one trip. Her response was "Tell MG......whatever." I cut her off before she said anything more and told her that she should be grateful that MG was giving her all this furniture and bringing it to her. Then, she said "Mom, I was just kidding." Aaaaargh!!! Maybe she was but I'm just not in the mood for it from her right now.
Soooooo, at the moment, my R with my D sucks and I don't know what to do about it.
Next, I go to court with X on Sept 5 for 2 hours!!! This is to attempt to get the money he still owes me. It's accruing interest as we speak. There have been times when I just want to say "Screw it" and forget about the money and hassle of trying to get it. I hate the fact that it has come to this. My D23 is scheduling her move into her new apt so that he and I don't run into each other. I hate that she has to do that.
More.....I can't seem to keep my mouth shut around D23 about X. For the past 3-4 yrs I've been very good about only saying good things about him or nothing at all. I seem to be done with that and my D is upset with my bad mouthing him. I sometimes feel like she's now on his side in all of this. Aaaaargh!!! So, how do I stop when I'm so upset with him and her???
So.......my "new" attitude seems to be a bad one and I need help turning it around.
But......I've become very focussed on my diet and exercise which is a good thing. I think I bought about 50 lbs of fruit yesterday and I'm taking all healthy stuff camping this weekend. I've been walking/running and riding my bike every night when the sun goes down. Next week I'm checking out a new gym that supposedly has lots of classes.
And........MG bought me a scooter!!! I love it!!! It's red and shiny and so much fun to ride. Totally unexpected.
Anyone wanna smack me upside the head for being such a nutcase lately??? (besides Beth of course)
And now that I've read the whole thread . . . HAD to jump in to beat the lushes . . .
Jilly, you've been through a helluva lot lately. Do you think you might be reevaluating all the different parts of your life? From reading your threads, you strike me as being a tad depressed, even though you put a pretty good happy face on. Maybe that's something to look at?
Ash is putting me through hell at one minute, loving me dearly and wanting to spend time with me the next.
Big Hands hit the nail on the head. YOU have been through so much lately. It HAS to affect the way you act and respond. You're tired. You need some ME TIME. GIRL TIME. Wanna come to my cottage? We'll just hang. Enjoy the new carpets (I HOPE - LOL) and swim and Seadoo etc.
Sweetie, you are a great Mom. And sometimes there is not much you can do but sigh and walk away. I'm doing that with Ash. I've tried to get her to understand and appreciate. Occassionally she shows it. What I've noticed is that although they don't always act like they do - they really do. We have to be content knowing that.
Now, let's talk about you. Lots of fruit (I just did the same thing) is great! And a new plan at the gym - very good start. And a new scooter? WOW - I LOVE MG!
Honey, this is YOUR time. Just take care of YOU! Just give yourself some more time to heal and to do the things that YOU like to do. Don't be so hard on yourself.
As for talking about the ex - you know I was the BAD ONE on the bb about doing that. I have learned to use the Stop Sign technique on myself. When I feel myself starting to say something or even thinking it - I just say STOP and I do stop. Try it.
As to D23...it does suck that she has to schedule things so you and x don't run into each other. I'm trying to read up on co-parenting, myself, and they say that this continued tension is very hard on our kids. You have been at this a long time, and your D is a young adult--it seems like you may be expecting too much of her maturity when it comes to you and x. She is still made up of 1/2 him...it explains why she asked you not to talk about him.
It might just have to become a taboo subject between you and her. Vent to a independent friend, vent here, but not to her. Kids don't want to be in the middle, they don't want to take sides. Couple that along with her self-centeredness (hopefully, she will soon grow past that within the next year or two as her brain finishes "cooking"), and it makes sense that you are having a bump in the relationship. Did you have issues with her through adolescence? Could this just be a delayed reaction? If so, it should pass quickly.
Maybe you can try talking to her about it when there isn't a pressing issue, about how it made you feel when she was flippant and didn't seem to appreciate what you were doing for her. With her current world-view, she probably doesn't even realize it, and you can use it as a teaching / bonding experience. Seems like it always comes down to communication...
You are both recovering from a recent loss, too--your father, her grandfather...makes people react in some strange ways. Be easy on yourself if you seem a little short with everybody. You still have to go through all of the stages of grief there, too.
The camping trip sounds yummy! Sounds like you are making positive steps in taking care of you! Keep that up, and all else will fall into place.
So sorry about tensions w/ DD. I haven't really experienced that particular problem yet, but I am sure I will! I agree w/ what Barb and BH have to say.
I also think that a shiny red scooter sounds like a BLAST! Have fun my dear! This is your time, as Barb said.
Survival Goddess (going to try to retire "SG" now that the "other" sg is posting so much...)
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
I know the drill about not talking about X, etc. Honestly, I know it and still shoot off my mouth. I'm just so angry at the situation....not as tho, I haven't been angry in the past but was able to keep quiet about it.
As far as taking care of me, I'm trying. I've bought tons of new clothes in FL and CHI to "cheer me up." Didn't help. I mean, I dont work now so where will I wear this stuff now?
I know I'm depressed about my Dad and worrying about my Mom in FL. She's so far away from any family. But, she's doing so much better than I ever expected. But....for how long and then I'll be making trips back and forth to help her.
And....speaking of depression. It took me about 8 mos to wean myself off of the antidepressants. I was on them for about 5 yrs (started them while still M'd to X). I've been off of them for about 9 mos now. So, how do I know if this is just a temporary setback or if I should consider taking them again. I DON'T WANT TO TAKE THEM AGAIN......EVER!!!!
OK, gotta get dressed and possibly check out the new gym today so I can start next week.
((( Jilly ))) Havent read the other posts yet but , I am sure they reminded you of the stress you have been under, first with your dad sick and now with your mom alone, anyone would be moody! I think, personally you handle everything VERY well!!
,,,and you are a most excellent mother! K knows it- and when I read about you bad mouthing your ex in front of her, I cringed because as you know I have been on a tirade this weed and doing the same! and I see Ry start to stick up for his dad grrrr, but its natrual for them I guess, you have to protect those you feel are being hurt. Its the way our kids are and you know you prob wouldnt want it any other way. Its ok. They understand. Its human to slip at times.
Give yourself some time Jilly bean, it will take time, and things will start to smooth over. I am watching my friend C now and she seems so ok with her mothers passing, shes busy but I know it will hit her.
We are here for you Jill, write/call whatever you want, you have lots of peoples who loves you oodles! me included!
oh and Fig I did see this:
Quote:
i think it might be the word vagina!!!!
you crack me up! LOL no boys get quite uncomfy when you talk about that! LOL
Last edited by KarenMarieS; 08/07/0804:47 PM.
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
Thanks, K, I know you've been having "issues" with your X as well so it helps knowing that I'm not alone with my negativity right now.
As for "vagina" .....cracked me up, Fig.
Here's the evolution of that word per my D.
age 3 - "bagina"
age 7 - "down there"
age 12 - "ginie"
age 14 or so - "fine china" (go figure??)
age 23 - "down there"
Speaking of D23, she just called needing more money. Course, her Dad is rushing to her side to help her work out a budget. Not helping with money, of course. I asked her why her Dad couldn't help and she said "he's not making any money right now." But....I did good. In my head I was thinkin' HE COULD GET A FRICKIN JOB!!!! But, didn't say it. YAY ME!!! Just sent the little darlin another check. Second one this week, I might add. ICK, I hate feeling like this.
