Escaping the Backstreets on the Lake Erie Shore

[Neilh23]

Last thread: Badlands

just startin my new thread.

i still wax and wane over what happened today. i know it shouldn't make a difference to what i am doing...it just irks me. I know where it's coming from too.....this damn behavior pattern that my IC and i've identified. The problem is that we only just ID'd yesterday....LOL...and i don't really have any tools other than not letting it get to me to help combat it.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHhhh.

ok. i feel better. going to gym now.

[ann25]

it's easy to understand how it could bother you, just act as if until it really doesn't matter anymore.

have fun at the gym...

ann

[Neilh23]

Ann...gym was good. Burned off some frustration and anger there. However, i feel fat from eating the ice cream...LOL...peanut butter cup swirl....mmmmm...delicious.

i have more GALing planned for later here....my paint by number, read..watch the season finale of HOuse.....and get a good nite's sleep.

if any of my old advisors (FG.....sir...haven't heard from you in eons) have any ideas....throw them at me.....

thanks

[pisces9]

GAL ~ PMA!
you know the drill...careful for the self fulfilling prophecy ....
think the best or at least better than what you are currently thinking!

[Neilh23]

so i talked to her on the phone after i said nite to the kids...

she sounded tense...i didn't mention anything then, but i texted her and said "you sounded tense on the phone. I hope everything is ok. I'm here if you want to talk". This was the second time i offfered, because she was tense on sunday, and i offered then too.

THis is what i got back "Neil, i'm fine really. Thanks for the offer but im good."

i think she's getting confused and is getting mad.

anyone agree with me?

[Neilh23]

so before someone takes a swing at me......

i need to stop worrying about what she's feeling. and stop bothering her. If she wants to talk to me, she will.

i'm just going to continue to be the wonderful new Neil that i feel i'm becoming....

[upside_downer]

Does she usually call you by your name when she texts or emails or phones?

This is just something to think about, but do you think you are smothering her by being the nice guy who is always there to make her feel better?

In this last post, you talked to her on the phone. You sensed she might be tense, but she responded she is fine. Maybe she doesn't want you to help her through things every time? As much as you want to be there for her, being there for her without forcing it on her is an important balance to learn. Perhaps she needs to figure some of her tense feelings out without having you to be right there, every time? You know her better than I, what do you think?

[Neilh23]

Does she usually call you by your name when she texts or emails or phones?

This is just something to think about, but do you think you are smothering her by being the nice guy who is always there to make her feel better?

good point. I was planning on stopping asking her anyways...and no, she doesn't usually call me by my name...

In this last post, you talked to her on the phone. You sensed she might be tense, but she responded she is fine. Maybe she doesn't want you to help her through things every time? As much as you want to be there for her, being there for her without forcing it on her is an important balance to learn. Perhaps she needs to figure some of her tense feelings out without having you to be right there, every time? You know her better than I, what do you think?

yeah. this is true. i'm still learning the balance thing........as i said in the post before this last one..... if she wants to call me, she will.

thanks UD....been a LOOOOOONG day. LOL

[Bworl]

i need to stop worrying about what she's feeling. and stop bothering her. If she wants to talk to me, she will.

Physician heal thyself, eh?

You hit the nail on the head with that one.

It's a fine line you're trying to walk. I think you're doing fine, but it's good to keep your observation level high so that you are always conscious of when you might be going a bit too far.

Relax.

Feed yourself.

When worry breaks out, often means the tank is running low.

So put the focus back on you for a bit.


Blessings,

Bill

[Bridgestone]

Hi Neil,
Sorry to hear of the OM at the beach with the WAW. Sending hugs & positive thoughts your way for your PMA tonight.

What are you doing with your paint by number when you get it done? What is it a picture of, BTW?

My reply to your question from last week about relating our patience in teaching to DB: (I got some drive time in the past few days!
----------
Patience: an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay

from teaching to DB

1- Everyone can learn, just not all the same way, nor at the same pace, nor to the same level of understanding.

If we believe this, we can have tolerance which requires patience.

2- There will always be an 'ah-ha!' moment, eventually, even if it is to say "I don't know all I need to know yet & need to keep working on it" or "Good enough is good enough".

If we believe this we can suppress our annoyance that it isn't happening fast enough.

3- A lesson plan from a good teacher, turned in on Friday is no good by the middle of the next week, because we have changed it based on the fact the kids now need different things than we thought they needed last Friday!

If we believe this we can expect & embrace delays.

4- Every day teaching is different- different methods, different 'ah-ha's' different challenges, different successes, different interactions- if it isn't, you should go into insurance sales.

If we believe this we can avoid restlessness & boredom.

5- The one who is really the learner is the teacher.

If we believe this, then we can be patient with ourselves.