Right now I am so mad at him.... like I havent been mad at him in a very long time... since I have decided to stand for my marriage, I feel like I am walking on egg shells with him... my faith is strong but those thoughts do come and when they do I feel like cussing him out.... for throwing us out like trash...right now my daughter is with him for 14 days and while I am glad for her to see her daddy. I am furious because right now he is having lunch with his bestfriends 30 something daughter and her daughter... she is a stay at home mom and of course my hubbie does not work.. has some inheritance from his Mom and Dad's estate... they are having lunch and I just had to pawn my car to complete my rent... have 2 jobs because this is his doing and I am just mad....hurt...wishing I could just get on with my life. I am telling you the devil does attack out thoughts and he is suceeding right now... I just wish i could just tell him off .... what did we do wrong for this to happen????? I have forgiven him in my heart for the affairs and foreverything he has said and done to us .... arrrgghhhhh!!!!!! i just want to shake him and wake him up.... guys I need some prayer partners right now to pray for me before i do anything stupid.. I have come such a long way since all this started him mom died in dec of 06 and I believe it all started happening then. I just want to bust out crying but I cant since I am at work...very teary eyed though can hardly see keyboard... please help me give me something or anything that I need to do as to not ruin everything that god has done so far for me S/F you are so strong in your faith as I am really...... have you ever had bad days... BND / JAck and if you did what did you do ....I just want to call him and tell him off..................
M-53 H-46 M-24+YRS BOMB-10/14/07 2-S 2-D Grandkids-7 Greatgrand kid-1 He needs space... Wants to start fresh new life W O/W Moved in his O/W Oct.08
Yes, I had bad days but you need to get a hold of yourself. You are allowing the enemy to take over your life with negative thoughts and feelings.
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Do you have a pastor or some friends that you can talk to where you live?
You need to pray a few times a day and ask God to help you to:
get these evil thoughts and negative feelings out of your mind forgive
and please do try and let him go and let him be.
Do not worry or be concerned with who he is having lunch with or who he may be seeing. That should not be your concern at this moment. You have to get a hold of yourself because if you don't, this situation can not only make you ill, but you could become so obsessed with what he is doing and with whom which could lead you to do things you will regret.
I really don't know what to say except what I have. Learn how to enjoy your family, get to know them better, do things with them, join a church group, etc.
It does get easier as time goes on.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I read Charlene Cares daily.. they are a godsend... and the only reason I say he was having lunch with our frineds daughter is because our daughter is visiting him this week... I just feel so used...violated.. by this man that I thought would never do this to me... I am more mad about pawning my car than anything else.. this is really all I have that is mine.. he bought it for me and our daughter.. and I told him what I had to do and he got UPSET... why did I not tell him about me needing money... what does he think I have jobs for fun... I jsut wanted to lash out at him S/F but I did not I talked really nice and I was praying in my mind not ruin what God has done so far... I know he sees a difference in me with my walk with God and I know it is Satan who wants me to lose it on the phone with him... but I am not going to let him destroy what God has done in my husbands heart... he actually talks to me in a very friendly manner...sometimes when he calls and I am crying he says to me " DONT CRY OK" it makes me feel like he still has feelng for me like a husband does for his wife.... I will start to pray .... to compose myself before I something stupid.... I feel so ashamed for being so angry... what must God be thinking?
M-53 H-46 M-24+YRS BOMB-10/14/07 2-S 2-D Grandkids-7 Greatgrand kid-1 He needs space... Wants to start fresh new life W O/W Moved in his O/W Oct.08
Do not call him and vent because it will fall on deaf ears. I think it is OK to be angry and even God says we can be angry BUT do NOT sin.
I am not sure as to why you are not taking care of your financial situation with your Husband.
Why is he not giving you any maintainance money? Why is there no alimony? Are you afraid to ask him for money?
IRMAT you are going to have to find the strength to go through this properly and that means getting some financial advice from an Attorney and making sure your needs are met.
This has absolutely nothing to do with being ungodly. You do not have to discuss it with your Husband first, but you do have a responsibility to yourself especially after being married for as long as you have been.
I am not sure if this is what you are ready to hear but I will tell you that your Husband will make many bad financial decisions and he will piss away everyhting that the two of you have built together.
MLC'ers are financially wreckless and if you do not act now there may be nothing left for you to fight for.
You have to get your car out of the pawn shop first. You must not be so prideful as to not ask for help.
IRMAT please take care of your financial situation ASAP!!!!!!!
In answer to your question, yes there were many bad days and some of them I handled well and there were others that I totally screwed up, its a process.
Being still in the Refiner's Fire was a good place for me to be, it kept my head clear, it helped me to detach from the insanity and it helped me to be able to pray for my Husband and our Marriage.
((((((((hugs)))))))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
He does give me money every month for our daughter...but because he bought her the airfare for her to visit him and he is going to buy her school clothes... I guess he thinks that that money he has spent on her is the child support for this month... and without that money there is no way we can make it.... had to pay cable cell phones car insurance and light bill... so I had no choice...and as far as me seeing an attorney I really dont want to do that right now.... to me that is telling him that I want a divorce and that is the last thing I want....I believe he will keep helping us every month...If he defaults then I guess I have no choice but to see an attorney... and here in Texas inheritance money can not be split or given to the separated spouse... I did look into the money that he has coming also from the sale of the house that was his parents... and like I said here in texas I have no right to it....
Last edited by IRMAT; 08/06/0804:19 PM.
M-53 H-46 M-24+YRS BOMB-10/14/07 2-S 2-D Grandkids-7 Greatgrand kid-1 He needs space... Wants to start fresh new life W O/W Moved in his O/W Oct.08
IRMAT, If your Husband is in MLC you are going to be riding on this rollercoaster for a very long time. You do not seem to understand that MLC'ers are extremely bad with money and spend like there is no tomorrow. And yet they claim they are broke.
I would never encourage anyone to file for a Divorce but seeing an attorney and finding out your rights is not telling your Husband anything. You do not need his permission to see one and you do not have to tell him. The Attorney is not going to tell anyone that you saw him.
IRMAT, I understand where you are coming from and I know you want to stand for your Marriage. You can be as cunning as a serpant and as gentle as a dove. You have to find your balance.
I did not file for a Divorce when my Husband was gone but I did contact an Attorney so that I could be prepared for the worst. IRMAT you need to stop being afraid and start being proactive.
I am sorry you are going through such a hard time, but sitting back and doing nothing to protect yourself financially is going way beyond submissive. Your Husband does not care if you are standing or not right now or how much you love him.
You need to understand that even though you have a lot of support on this board for your stand you also need to start supporting yourself and that means standing up for yourself.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
you are getting the same advice that I would give, listen to these wise ladies.
Did we have bad days...?
Heh, yeah. Cryig sobbing balls of salt on the bathroom floor days...so yeah, bad days. All around.
Don't call, the person you want to talk to the most, the person who you think can make this all better (your husband) will only make you feel worse, and sadly, if you call...it is your fault for knowing better.
So how would that conversation go exactly?
Horribly, is the answer. When you want to call him and bitch him out or want to hear him say something Hollywood like this is a mistake, stop yourself. Or you risk losing all the progress you have made so far, like chutes and ladder, you like being back on the bottom row?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I am so sorry for your pain and the rollercoaster you are on... I see that Jack, BND and Steelers have given you the best advice possible. Sending you very late (((((((((hugs))))))))for I just got back from holidays...
Love to you and may God be with you.
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
