Hey all trying to find my spot on the boards

[Jeff44woodwrkr]

Hello all,
Here is link to my original post http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1499324

Well its been almost 3 months now since my wife moved out.She spends a great deal of time with OM.If you read my original post you can see I begged pleaded and did all the wrong stuff.Have been useing the DB and DR stuff for almost 2 months now.She has noticed changes but it seems not to matter.I havn't pressed any R talks in weeks.I've been working taking care of my children and trying to get my house in order.I attend alot of aa and alanon meetings and counseling once a week.I'm actually starting to feel pretty good about myself :).Since she moved out I've got a new and better job a new car and updated my wardrobe a bit.Lost 30 lbs so positive stuff is going on.(got laid off old job the monday after wife moved out talk about double whammy)
I'm posting again because I havnt got much feedback in my original posts and I really enjoy reading others stories.Alot of the advice given to others has helped me imensly.
I'm no longer in the pit of despair as I call it, but I do have days of sadness.I wish she would make contact with an interest in me but I guess patience is the name of the game here.
Also I feel like im trapped in the twilight zone... I'm still married but have no wife.I have met a few women who I find interesting and attractive but like stated above I'm still married.Wife has said she wants divorce but hasnt acted yet.
This rolercoaster of emotions and feelings at times is alot to take in.Sometimes I wish It was all behind me and I was in an emotionally healthy state and could move on and other times I just want my wife to come home and forget about the OM.
Hehe when I read throu what Ive written so far I apear to be insane :).
I could use any advice or support I guess

Jeff in Michigan

[LolaL]

Hi Jeff44

Wow another Jeff!! Welcome to the board, although it is not under positive circumstances. I hope you find a lot of support here, we are a goodish bunch and like to take care of each other. We are also a pretty active board, so feel free to jump in anywhere.

May I ask, do you have the kids? You seem to be doing well, which is a real plus. Remember, this is a long process, so just because your W is not saying anything now does not mean she won't at some point. Trust me, if she is noticing the differences, she is thinking.

Lola

[sgctxok]

Hi Jeff... I only have a minute...but the BEST place for a newbie is NEWCOMERS, in ALL circumstances.

Also....STAYING SOLUTION FOCUSED FORUM and you can feel free to join us on KLA 2008 to help you get a great start.


Please feel free to click 'notify' and I will move your threads to Newcomers.




That said...you have taken positive action so far. And LOLAL- is a great DBer and you're in good hands with her.

[sgctxok]

ps...if you stay on this forum, seek out Virtually Handsome for a guy's input.

[Jeff44woodwrkr]

Hey thanks for replying ,I have two children D21 and S14.Both know whats been going on.First few weeks mom was gone she tried to integrate my kids in with the new boyfriend.I got pissed and told her under no circustance were my children to be around him.So far she hasn't tried again.
I originally posted to the newcomers forum but didnt get much responce.I linked to my original post up top.

Jeff

[mishka422]

Hello there Jeff!

I just wanted to stop by and lend my support. I'm not a great DB'er but I do understand the pain of having your kids around the OP.

That being said, your kids are 21 and 14? I don't want to overstep here but aren't they old enough to make their own decisions about who they meet? I only say this because I did the same thing. Resisted violently for 8 months and finally let my s13 stay with his dad and OW for the first time last night. He's staying there again tonight. I don't like it but he's 13 and has to feel like he can be with his dad and see him without hurting me. It will hurt your kids more in the long run if they think that spending time with their mom means that they are doing damage to you. They will feel pulled between you and will come to resent you for it. Just a heads up warning, not meant as criticism.

We are all here for you. This board is an amazing place to share your feelings and vent. Feel free! If you get 2x4's from us know that it's only out of love and friendship and not cruelty.

[Jeff44woodwrkr]

Hey mishka thanks, No offense taken.Both of my children have voiced thier opinions to thier mother.They arent interested in meeting the guy that has tore apart our family(thier words not mine).My feelings are that if we get divorced and she moves on thats just how it is.But for us to still be married ..not a good message for my kids.

Jeff

[Virtually_Handsome]

Hey, Jeff!

My situation is totally different, no OM as far as I know (and I'm pretty certain of that), and we occupy the same house, though sometimes it's hard to tell.

I think it sounds like you are doing the right things. I think that if you had/have an alcohol problem it is going to take a long time for her to believe what she is seeing. And, unfortunately, she may never be ready to believe it. But, you need to do what you are doing for you, and the kids, in any case. Keep posting, and jump into other folks threads when something strikes a chord for you! You don't have to be an expert to give encouragement!

[ms ladybug]

I was about that age (14) when my parents separated. It's a tough age to meet a OM. My dad had an OW and was ALWAYS trying to get us to do stuff with them (camping, horseback riding, etc...). I HATED it. I did those things, but shot daggers at her the whole time. My older sister decided not to be included in anything with OW.
Looking back, I really wish I had been wise enough to stay home. I didn't need to be exposed to my dad and an OW. What would have been great would have been spending time doing quality things with my dad ALONE. Your wife would be wise to do those things with the kids. They need both parents.

Welcome here!

[Jeff44woodwrkr]

Well comunications with my wife have been pleasant lately so I asked her out to dinner,and she said yes!!!Its been 3 months since she moved out and the few times I've asked her out she always said no.So last night we had dinner coversation was nice,spent an hour or so at a local park talking after dinner.I really wanted to go out dancing or spend more time together but I didn't press anything.I know she had told her bf that she was having dinner with me and he was to good with it.We spent about 2 and a half hours together.She definatly has noticed alot of the changes I've been working on.So my gut tells me to hang back a little and see if she shows any interest in seeing more of me.I know this is not something that will happen fast but I think the wall she has up has been lowered a little.Any advice from some of the board veterans would be great.

Jeff