is it really true?

[mymonkeybug]

Take to heart what FG says...he sees what we don't.

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

{{{{{Stella}}}}

Sorry I have not been around. Also sorry about the turn your sitch has taken. Keep being you, honey, and give it to God. There is no telling what his plan is.

Can I borrow your spider-stomping shoes for a bit? Mine seem to not be working so well.

SMW

[poet]

"Technically speaking I'm not divorced yet and there is also a tiny part of me - the stupidest part of me - hoping... Nevermind \:\)"

(((((((Stella)))))))

You sound so good to me. You're really doing great. And this comment above? Please know that you are not alone in your thinking. It is the DB way. In God, all things are possible. Geeesh, I am the worst DBer in the world, and I still hold out hope. If you love your husband, go to Frank_D's thread and read a recent post from Amy to me....yes, it was sometime on yesterday.

Love you,
poet

[One Day]

((((Stellitsa mou)))))

Come to MLC- I miss you!

I feel glad in a way that you and H had that conversation and felt a release of the tension. I see that as a great sign- the first step in moving towards a relaxed frienship. FWIW, I still think your H is confused.

On the other hand, I think you're doing the right thing by moving on and focussing on you, whilst keeping a little sliver of hope going. You sound strong as usual.

So glad your trip went well. I hope the farewell parties aren't too difficult, and that the trip back home goes well too!

L. xx

[Yoyowife]

Stella,
I'm so sorry it turned out this way, but you do sound good. You are going to make it.

I too hope the farewell parties aren't too difficult. Have you given thought to what to say when asked, "So what do you both plan on doing when you get back home?" It might be easier to have an answer planned instead of not knowing what to say right away. It might save you and H some awkwardness. I'm so sorry, I know this can't be easy.

Sending lots of hugs and best wishes your way.

Yoyo

[stella_k]

Dear ((((Kalni,Jen, FG, Brokenhearted (nice meeting you!), MMB, SMW, Suzanne, Lisa and Yoyo))), hey and thanks, you guys are my strength! What would I do without your support?

I don't have much time to post with H been here and all the packing, so here is the quick update.

I'm still good!
I'm watching H and I don't know whether he's going to be his old self ever, I accepted the fact that he may not, but I also see the bits and fragments of his old self and it's confusing. He's changed, even his manner to speak and the choice of words is different and when I listen to him I don't even LIKE the man and don't see him as my H anymore. But when I LOOK at him... I love his face so much, I feel like crying now typing it (BTW, I didn't cry even once yet! and I could easily cry a waterfall until recently) . I wish he'd grow a moustache or something and change his appearance as well, dammit!

Now about his "decision".

From what he told me I understood that EVERYone has called him a fool and one of our close friends has called him an idiot:). It must have had an effect opposite of desired. He wants to prove to himself and the world that he is right to change his life, grab and keep his "happiness", represented by weak, manipulative, clinging and codependent woman (of course he doesn't see her as such) and, generally speaking, "show them all". Which tells me that he's still in the midst of his MLC. May be I was wrong thinking that he's emerged out of his tunnel.
He also told me his dream about him acting as a conductor and been shy, because his Father was watching (very short version). His interpretation of his dream: he was always afraid of making decisions and speaking/acting out, now he WANTS to change it ALL, at once. My interpretation of his desire to "change it all": it sounds desperate, therefore it may not be genuine. He even told me he's thinking of CHANGING HIS FAMILY NAME (?!!!).

I know, I started sound as if I have hope and/or expectations.
Believe me, I don't. I'm going to dig myself out of his mess and GAL and try to be content with what I have, which is myself.

But I think he's not done yet (yes, Lisa, he's still confused!).

I too hope the farewell parties aren't too difficult. Have you given thought to what to say when asked, "So what do you both plan on doing when you get back home?"

Yoyo, the yesterday's party was the one I was afraid of mostly, and it went well. I'd change subject every time I'd sense that it might get awkward. H did well, too. Now 2 more to go, peace of cake :).

ok, I've used up all my time , sorry I'm not posting on your threads right now, I'm still reading, at least trying to.
((((HUGS))))) everyone, love you all.

[stella_k]

I always talk about its a walk of you.. being where you are now.. is not a bad thing.

I KNOW, FG. I don't feel bad.

In my simple mind..

In MY simple mind, FG, your mind is anything but simple!

[addie]

Stella, I'm so sorry for the turn your sitch has taken but you do sound so strong. I agree with the others in that your H is still very confused but for your own PMA you are doing the right thing trying to move on. No one knows what may happen.

I hope your move goes well. Let us know how you're doing once you get settled in.

((((((HUGS))))))

[happynow]

Hi Stella,

Let us know how you are doing. I moved to Divorced, but not done yet & didn't get many post, so I went to midlife & got lots of posts.

(((HUGS)))

[No Longer BH]

stella - I'm glad to hear that you are taking care of yourself. Your H is definately still in the MLC/Depression fog. God, I sometimes just want to smack my H with a 2x4 and yell "Wake UP you idiot, look what you are doing to your life." But, alas, it would not do any good. He is just going to have to go it alone.

Only you know how much your heart can take, but I dont see him done yet. They get so scared and lost they think that running away will bring them peace and happiness. Has he found that yet? Um, I would say NO! This last rejection almost feels like one last desperate attempt for him to gain controll back in his crashing world. You need to just let him crash. From everything I have read on MLC, it is only after they have bottomed out that they start to do the work to rebuild themselves back up to a healthier place. Sounds like he is almost there - the bottom that is. Im not trying to keep you hanging on by any means either. That is not healthy for you. You do need to move on and GAL, but if you want to leave the door open a crack, I dont think there is any harm in that. It might still be a long journey before he comes out of it and you have to decide when enough is enough.

When I start to get down that my H still has OW in his life (even though he swears up and down it is not a PA anymore - whatever) I just tell myself "He started it with her when he was so broken and depressed. As he comes out of his D, he will eventually see how desperate and broken she is. They are two unhealthy people looking to take from eachother in order to try and build up their self esteem. Once he is healthy again, he is not going to want to keep getting drained by her. You can only develope a healthy relationship when you chose a partner while you have a healthy mind. This will not last." I think it is the same for your H as well.

You are doing great and I admire the strength you have shown in handeling this. Like they say, it aint over until the fat lady sings...but in this case, it aint over until YOU decide to let it be over. I believe from the bottom of my heart that when he finally emerges, he will want the family he destroyed. My thoughts are with you.