JUST USED LRT-WHAT DO I DO NOW???

[butterflymom]

Sand,

Get tax returns from past years as evidence. Show what he is doing, and what you all have been used to living on. You can also subpeona his business records to show more income coming into the business than what he is reporting. He really can't hide something like that legally for long.

BFM

[Sanderika]

Hi BFM,

I have possession of all financial records for business and personal for 2007 and years back. I have also been printing all the bank statements on the company for this year.

What scares me is the OW and her BFF having their hands in the checkbook of the company since March.

H is definately trying to pull a fast one and I honestly believe it's his OW who is putting him up to it. She has been thru this route twice before.

I spoke to my L today and she said to answer my papers to the best of my knowledge and the truth will come out in the discovery phase of this whole mess. H will be very sorry.

I wonder if my anger is truly hate? I have had a very bad day with my emotions. I am having really hateful thoughts.

It's bittersweet, I love H but H is trying to deprive me and son of what we deserve so he can ride off into the sunset happily ever after with OW. I NEVER WOULD HAVE PUT HIM THE CATEGORY WITH THOSE WAH....YOU KNOW WE ALL KNOW ONE....THE DEADBEAT DAD.

Thank you so much BFM, I wish I was able to say...my H is coming home like yours did. I right now am also feeling jealous of the people I know who have their marriages and H's and families intact. Is this a wierd emotion for me right now???

I want to scream bloody murder....I hurt so bad.

I am crying....I have to go.

Sanderika

[Sanderika]

Well......

Afterall the talks and promises, I have learned that it's easier to lie to your wife than be truthful.

My H didn't wait the 2-3 weeks.....BET, NO ONE IS SURPRISED HERE.........

My H wrote a check last Sunday for the court filing fee.

My H OW mailed the papers to county on Monday, 10/6.

County Court received the papers on 10/7.

County mailed trial/court schedules to us on 10/8.

I got court papers yesterday.

I have to appear in court on Nov. 18th at 2:30 pm so my H can Divorce me.

I am beyond heartbroken. I am a wreck.

You all might think I am Numb'r than a Hake, but I actually thought that I would be one of the lucky ones here. I actually thought a 30 year relationship could outlive an affair with a OW of questionable appearance, morals and values.

Go ahead and let me have it......

I need to wake up and realize what the writing on the wall is actually saying. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

I don't get this life anymore......

Sanderika

[KarenMarieS]

Sanderika
I am so sorry, know it hurts, it hurts bad.

You are not silly for thinking you thought you were gonna be one of the lucky ones, we ALL thought that, I know I did , actually thought I'd miss my friends on the MLC board cause I'd be going to piecing, WRONG!, in fact I was one of the first over in Surviving, Its hope we all need at first.


I do hope you have good legal support, its so very important, especially since he seems to have the swine of an OW pushing him along. Protect yourself please!
and if you still want to think in terms of it wont last w/ her, thats ok but still protect yourself ok?

((( Sanderika ))

[Sanderika]

Hi Karen,

Thank you,

I do hve good legal advice. I have my first discovery meeting with L on Thurs. @ 9:00am.

We are going to make demands on how and who is running the company.

I can now say I don't trust him. It's because of his actions and the fact he brought her right into it. And also that her BFF is in the office too.

I want this over and fast. I am going to work very hard to make sure it doesn't drag out.

I have decided to counter-claim him. the only drawback to that is that I have to sign under oath that I also believe the marriage is irreconcileable AND....I DON'T BELIEVE THAT FOR A MINUTE....

I TRULY HOPE IT DOESN'T LAST BETWEEN THEM....

H ISN'T IN HIS RIGHT MIND TO SETTLE WITH THAT THING....

Thank you, I am going to protect me and son. We will never be the same but we will move on....

Sanderika

[1hope]

Take care Sanderika,

I am following along and offering ((((hugs))))

Follow your L's advice but don't think that all is lost. You never know that the future might bring.

The type of evilness that this OW wraps around herself will be her demise. Your H will open his eyes at some point. Maybe you will be there, maybe you won't. Until then put you and your son first and live a peaceful and good life.

Be strong.

[KarenMarieS]

Good for you Sanderika!!
I am so glad to hear this, so many times , people think going to a L to protect themselves mean they are giving up, not so, I DB thru my D, they dont call me stubborn for nothing! lol

I never thought I'd say i didnt trust my ex when it came to cheating me but it turned out I needed to be careful, they are not the people we married at the moment, so protecting yourself is wise.

You sound quite strong, and know what you need to do. I'm happy to read that.

Try to have a good weekend. It will all work out.

[Sanderika]

Hello 1hope and Karen,

Thank you for the hugs 1hope....I needed some.

I am also posting under another thread in Solution Journals called "H served "THE PAPERS". What are my choices now?"

I don't know where I belong....

I will put my son and myself first.

I am ready to do what the L tells me to do.

I am preparing myself for the opposition that H will try.

I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE UP HOPE, I WOULD BE WRONG TO DO SO....I STILL THINK WE HAVE A CHANCE.

A D will be nasty in this case if we let it. I will DB to the end, you see I am stubborn too, Karen LOL

I still wonder how long it takes the MLC Land H to figure out his OW isn't what he thought and that the relationship isn't worth it.

I would love to talk to some MLC Land men out there who could help me with my sitch. Someone must have one that is like mine.

Thanks to you both.....

It is a glorious fall day here in Northern New England and I am going to go outside to putter around.

I am going to stay on the board all weekend. I need you all very badly right now.

Thanks to everyone who is reading....

Sanderika

[naej]

Hi S, I posted on your other thread, didn't realize you had two going.
Hope you are feeling a bit better. When I first came to these forums I was told that men who leave a long term rel. have actually left it long before they physically move out and that is why they appear to cope with the demise of the marriage and subsequent D so much easier than the other spouse who believed they had a good m and were happy up until the "bomb".
You have been so accommodating to your husband for over 3 years now. Did you ever do a 180 and show your hurt, pain anger or tell him what you thought about his behaviour and his OW.
I can't believe you have slept with him the whole time. I know it helps to keep the connection in some cases but after all this time and nothing changed didn't you ever feel slightly used or want to tell him NO, not until he behaved like your husband and stopped contact with OW.
Too late for that now I guess, but I would certainly make sure it stops right now and keep it all purely business.
You may be standing but that doesn't mean you lay down and accept all his throws your way.
Take care.

[Sanderika]

Hi naej,

Yes, I did a 180 and told H numerous times how I felt about the separation and his behavior. I told him many times he was cheating on me even though he had separated. In his eyes he assumed that because he left the marriage thru separation that it was not cheating and actually started to feel more like the mistress and not the spouse.

When my H left in 9/2005 he was h*ll bent on getting a divorce. I started to do 180's (actually more like 360's) and it stopped him dead in his tracks. You see though he never gave up the other woman. I think over time he fell in love with her and out of love with me.

Right up until last week he was unsure that he wanted to divorce me. I truly believe the OW has put so much pressure on him for what she wants that he gave in to her. She has been there as his friend & companion by his choice for the past three years. I look at it kind of like a kid who wants a cookie. They beg and beg and beg until the parent gives in to the demand. I look at other woman as the kid wanting the cookie and my H as the parent who finally gives up the fight and hands over the cookie.

YES, I MADE LOVE WITH H RIGHT UP UNTIL 2 DAYS BEFORE H SERVED ME THE PAPERS.

YES, I felt used. YES, I thought it would keep us connected and give us opportunities for closeness. YES, I thought that through this closeness H would see that we can reconcile this marriage.

I actually have pondered that H emotionally abused me, but that makes me shiver so I try not to.

I did not marry H to divorce H. I tried everything I had to keep this marriage in tact. Maybe it was a mistake, then again maybe not.

My H hated me when he left me in 2005. H has very different feelings about me now, I just guess it was too late for us and I didn't read the signs. OW has her claws dug in deep. H seems to be loyal to her and not his 30 year relationship/marriage and son.

One thing I am not proud of is I let H keep me in limbo right along with him. He could be loving and he quite frankly led me on at least 500 times in the past 3 years. When he was attentive I was as high as a kite...very positive H would come home, always DB every minute. Then H would be with her and it would bring me down into what I called the bottom of the well. At the bottom of the well it was very dark and I could not see light. H never let me stay there very long and he would knock again. Not all of our encounters involved ML although a majority of them did. We ran our company together also right up until 3/13/08 when he ousted me and hired the BFF of the OW. That was a blow. Three weeks later H was back here with me and obviously stayed on the fence until 1.5 weeks ago. I am not convinced H isn't going to jump back on the fence either.

I told H when he served me on 10/3 that he would not be allowed to come over here again for s*x unless the OW was way out of the picture and the D dismissed. H said fair enough.

I am very sorry, I truly enjoyed being with my H. I have questioned many times if it was ML to me and just s*x to him.
Hmmmmmm, I will never really know.

I do know this is an experience I will never be free of. H has caused damage to my emotions that I fear I will never recover from.

I am going to stand a while longer, but H is finally going to realize I am not a fool and I am going to fight for my rights and he will never underestimate me again.

You know naej, when you have been with someone for so long and you think you know them so well you do not want to recognize that they are truly dogs underneath. It is the OW that make them turn on their families and as in my case OW has poisoned H against me all to her own gain. I have personnaly read and heard her words trashing me to H. H is so whipped by her that he seems to hang on her words and trust her.

I am quite sure that OW is after H's money. She's been thru two husbands already. H being #3 doesn't stand much of a chance. I hope H wakes up before it's too late.

OW is so immoral and questionable that I also told H she can have no contact with my son. If H didn't like that, OH WELL.

Thank you for the talk again....I came inside for a break and noticed you had written.

It is probable that I will never hear from H again and that we have had our last encounter. I am going to try and stay strong, I have a lot of healing to do.

Sanderika