OW is PG

[Livin4ME]

I don't remember if anyone remembers me, I used to post a while back. Brief summary. H left almost a year ago. We've been married for 7 years. 2 small children. He filed at my urging 5 months ago. Divorce will be final next week. He flip flopped most of that time between me and OW that he met after initial seperation. Each time he came home, it was at my urging. And he would make it where she would tell him to leave. 3 weeks ago, he started talking about reconciling. We started to become initimate again.
Last weekend, OW informed him she was late. Monday, she took a test, it was negative. Yesterday, after he told her he was coming back to me, she informed him she was PG. Personally, I believe it was not an oops on her part. That's my gut telling me that because of things that have happened in the past. She is keeping the baby and has insisted that she will be keeping it from him, he will not be allowed in the child's life.
This is where I'm stuck. I have refound my faith thru this whole ordeal. I firmly believe that God has a perfect plan for my life. But for obvious reason, I'm having a hard time accepting that this is His plan for me. H wants to dismiss the divorce. He has moved all his stuff back into our house. He has done this all on his own, not at my urging. When I asked him if he left or she kicked him out, he told me what he told her. The fighting, the money problems, which were all issues with us and why he left me. It was several hours after he told her this stuff that she informed him she was PG.
I don't want the divorce. I am happy my H has decided to come home. But do I do that with the OW now being PG? How am I supposed to live with this? I know there have been many people out there that have done this. I don't know any personally, so I can't speak to them and hear what they have to say. I believe all things are possible thru Christ. I know that He will carry me thru this. I'm very confused at the moment. And I have no one to talk to about it because H doesn't want anyone to know.

[Aud31]

Oh hon, I'm so sorry you're in this boat. I completely understand your confusion, infidelity has a way of turning life inside out, and a PG OW definitely makes things that much more crazy.

My best advice: breathe deep, GAL, take it a day at a time and see where it goes.

Are you sure the pregnancy is for real and not just a ploy on her part? Do you trust H's explanations?

[Sugar and Spice]

(((Julz))) Sorry to see you here and believe me I feel your pain. My H's OW is also pregnant (6months) with what she claims is H's baby. I won't hi-jack your thread with a retelling of my drama, but my H is not home, nor am I sure he is ever going to come home.

This definately complicates things and much like you, the timing seems very convenient. First and foremost, what is your H saying about this situation? Has he had any "real" confirmation that she is pregnant? If so, what does he want to do about it?

FWIW, if he is truly committed to getting your M back on track, then this is surely something that will make it difficult, but I don't think its not something that two committed people can't work through.

No matter what, there are caring, supportive people on these boards that can be there for you. So far though, I'm the only one I have seen that is going through this particular flavor of hell.

[Livin4ME]

Thank you so much for your post! I'm not sure on the PG. H said the 1st test was a negative. He did not see the 2nd test. She said it was taken at the dr's and she does not have the test, but has paperwork stating it's positive. He has not said whether or not he has seen it tho. Last night she pulled the 'end-all' card. She can't do it. Tell her dad goodbye for her and gave H his number. All of this after telling him yesterday that she was going to terminate it. But if she didn't, he would never know. All of this after being adament about never having children. Not only telling him this, but also telling me.
This time, it feels different than when he would come home before. This will make the 7th or 8th time. But they were all at my urging. I was giving him ultimatums. I would start talking about it and I would pretty much talk him into it. This time, it was not like that. I had given up. I threw my white flag in and even invited them over for a bbq 1.5 months ago! I go out, I have fun, I've started knitting again, reading, playing poker online (non paying websites only!), taking care of myself. I've lost 65 lbs thru all this!!! I'm registering for school on Monday for something I've been wanting to do for years! I stopped being mean and started being his friend. He started asking for my advice on things again.
Then 3 weeks ago, he started talking about it. I didn't beg, I didn't plead. He would say it was so hard to end it with her. All I said was it's like ripping a bandaid. If you want something bad enough, it doesn't matter how hard it is because you know the rewards are worth it. I left it at that. Before, when we brushed up against each other, he would pull away like he was on fire. He's not doing that. We're hanging out. Talking. Laughing. And he's initiating it. And it's not just about the sex this time. We actually sat next to each other for like 4 hours last night playing poker online. And he is the one who asked if I wanted to play. This is how we've been for the past 3 weeks.
It doesn't feel like a honeymoon phase like before. It feels like a comfortable friendship with little looks every once in a while with lots of laughter. We have our passionate moments that have been absolutely amazing and better than anytime before.
The thing I'm worried most about is, we have an order to enter the judgement next week. It either has to be entered or it's dismissed. 48 hours ago, there was no question as to what I was going to do. 24 hours ago, she dropped her bomb.

[Livin4ME]

((((Sugar)))) it's good to hear from someone else with a similar sitch. H has been adament about not wanting any more children. 2 was all he wanted. I talked him out of getting a vascetomy while I was pg with our 2nd child because I felt we were still too young, told him to give us 5 years and then reevaluate. I so wish I hadn't done that!
He would like for her to terminate like she had originally planned. But he knows he can't push that on her. He is actually wanting to stand up and pay child support and be involved if possible. We will be moving out of state early next year. She is saying he will not be allowed to have anything to do with it. And she will supposedly not accept any money. (ha! she has no clue!)
He also doesn't want anyone to know about it. Altho after talking last night, he wants to speak to his father this weekend. I mentioned signing over parental rights with her not being allowed to contact the family. He refuses to sign over parental rights. He feels that this is his child and his responsibility.

[Starshyne]

My heart goes out to you! Affairs are so ugly and awful and I am sorry that the mess of a possible pregnancy is added to make things ever more filled with drama. I am glad to read that you are a believer. God will give you strength and support in this.

[Sugar and Spice]

He would like for her to terminate like she had originally planned. But he knows he can't push that on her. OW in my sitch actually talked about this too, but H wouldn't tell her to do it and she eventually admitted that it was never an option in the first place.

He is actually wanting to stand up and pay child support and be involved if possible. My H is willing to stand up and pay child support too, I'm not sure what involvement he is planning, I guess it depends on where he lands.

And she will supposedly not accept any money. (ha! she has no clue!) Wow, do they pass out a script at Pregnant OW Camp? H's OW has told him that she doesn't expect anything from him, etc...

He also doesn't want anyone to know about it. Hmmm...same script at Cheating Bastard Camp too I see.

He feels that this is his child and his responsibility. Ditto

But he has also wondered if she didn't do it partly out of a need/want for some $$$ - the Troll (my affectionate title for my H's Biatch) is also a hopelessly addicted gambler, so that may have something to do with it also.

I am a little more skeptical about her motiviations, but hey...I'm just a woman.

ANYWAY...sorry for the sarcasm, its just how I deal with things.

I really think that if you and your H are going to get through this then you need to present a united front and both be ok with the decisions that are made concerning this issue. Its great that you have faith, because you are going to need it.

I have never been tested more than I have in the last 9 months. Getting back to church (introducing my kids), going to C and this site have kept me off of the news and out of the penitentiary.

Are you planning on any C? Either IC or MC? If not, you may want to rethink that. Something I am dealing with right now too is how to break it to my DD7, who doesn't know. DS12 was told in a totally insensitive way by my H, but it also has a lot to do with his addiction (his behavior is erratic these days, at best). So there are a lot of things to consider and it would make it SO much easier if you and H were on the same page. My H and I don't even seem to be in the same library half of the time.
(((Julz))))

[Livin4ME]

Don't worry about the sarcasm Sugar, I do the same thing. Finding things to laugh about thru all this is partly why I'm not locked up either! A few months ago, my lawyer couldn't believe it when I told him H was cheating on his girlfriend with his wife.

I used to be in C after the initial seperation. We talked about C together in Feb, and went to one visit, but he left again. In order to go again, we would need to get the authorization from the insurance. I'm all for it. And seeing as he doesn't want anyone to know about the baby, I'm gonna need some way to talk about how I'm feeling.
I told him the other day, it was his decision...staying involved, signing over rights. And I would stand behind him with whatever he decides. Also I told him that there's no way I know how he's feeling, and I'm not even gonna pretend that I do. Because of that I don't know what to say or do. But if he needs to talk, or just someone to listen, I'm here.

[Sugar and Spice]

(((C13))) Just wanted to check on you today and see how things are going? Anymore news? Confirmation?

[ourcrisis]

confused13, i have not read your thread but caught sight on the title re: pregnancy. This is a very difficult situation for all. IMHO, be supportive of your H at this time. This is a mess they both created. He is not in a good time now, very confused and scared I would guess. Be supportive but DO NOT make decisions for him or advise him on this subject. I believe that this is what he and OW have to decide regarding the pregnancy. You don't want to be involved in that, eventhough their decision will affect you. You can lay out the boundaries with the different options he may choose (you cannot tolerate H seeing her even with no termination, or you are OK with it), but make sure those are really your boundaries, and something you use to manipulate his decision. Stay clearly out of his decision making. You don't want H or OW to come back and blame you for their decision, and I do think this part is their decision alone. Meanwhile, I think you can be supportive and stand for now and not pressure H. He has enough on his plate for now.

Sorry I dont' have lots of time to explain so I hope this will help a bit. This is just a bit of advice so just see if it will help. Ultimately, how they handle it is their decision. How you handle it is your decision. While you may not trust OW's pregnancy test, it does not matter. It is whether your H trust OW and don't question his judgement at this time.

Take care, will try to come back to your thread later.