I have been divorced for 2 years. The ex had a very severe MLC. 100's of other women, a prostitue for a girlfriend, extremely mean and full of anger. Told visious lies to his famiy about me and his mother calls me a bitch. He has had a another girlfriend since I told him to leave in April of 2005. He has not followed the divorce agrement, has not fulfilled the monetary agreement. Talks mean to me if he doesn't get his way. writes mean emails regarding divorce business. He still sees prostitues and other women and his girlfriend does not know.
I have post traumatic stress syndrome. It has taken me a very long time to get it together. He feels that he can still treat me like he used too or however he pleases. I do not talk to him I do not want anything to do with him. NOthing. I have gotten extremely strong in myself. I have a great life and I am very happy that I never have to see him or talk to him. He is a narcisstic,mean, arrogant. manipulating , controlling, sociopath. I never yelled at him or told him what I think of him and his MLC. It started in 2001 and I don't think he ever came out of it. I absolutely refuse to have anything to do with him. This arrangement works for me.
My children never supported me during this time that I was going thru MLC with EX. They do not understand what I go thru if I have contact with him. I get very upset. I have nightmares . I am unable to take care of myself...It is very very upsetting to me. My children want me to get along with him. They do not want to see what I go thru. They were never there for me. Hell they still aren't. My grandson has a birthday Saturday he will be 3. I am not going to the party if Ex goes. I can not put myself thru that. I will be upset for days. My mother and sister do not support me or have been loyal to me in regards to speaking to EX.
My son who has the grandsons does not see my point. He wants me to come. I just got off the phone with him. He proceeded to tell me that I have to get along. That he doesn't like how I don't want to get along. That I should because of my children and the grand children. That holidays celebrations thru out the year are messed up because I will not get along. My Ex asked him if I was going to the party. I wonder if my son spoke to him? I cetainly doubt it because of the way my EX is. I don't know what to do. I need help. My children do not see my point. They never have. I have tried to be nice about all ths and yet they ge mad at me because of how I feel. The oldst son was NEVER there for me. He never called me while this whole fiasco was going on. My daughter was never never there and used to get mad at me because of what I was going thru, My youngest son treats me like his father does.
I am tired of putting up with how they want things to be with out seeing my side. I am not asking them to choose. I just want to be treated nice and respect how I feel. I know that it has been hard on them it still is in regards to how their father treats them. He doesn't have that much to do with them . He is a very manipulated person. He likes to control. And I get treated with out respect from them because of how he treated me through the marriage. They talk to me and treat like the father and I will absolutely not be treated like that again in my life by anyone. I don't know what to do anymore. It can not go on like this anymore. I am tired of them trying to make me feel bad becauseI will not have anything to do with him.
What would you suggest I do? Please I need answers. Thanks Itsy
M54 H54 married 30 years Prostitues and Other women "100's" 10/7/2004 Prostitue/Junkie girlfriend 6/04-1/07? Left 1/5/05 returned 1/9/05 Asked h to leave 4/2005 Had to, prostitues OW 5/2005 not a prostitue Divorced 9/2006
What type of help are you looking for? Validation for your stance or encouragement and strength to attend a function for your grandchild?
I am divorced and have been for 5 years. My daughter got married almost a year ago and, the Lord willing, grandbabies will be part of our future. There is absolutely no way I would allow anything to keep me from seeing and spending time with my children or my grandbabies.
I have, since the divorce was final, not allowed my X's presence to interfere with my involvement in my children's lives. Plus I think it is pretty funny knowing full well that he and his new wifey are always way more uncomfortable than I will ever be.
If you want to heal and be a part of your grandbabies lives {as well as your children's lives} you will have to take the steps that will allow that. That means attending the party for the little guy. Even if you don't stay long you should attend. Attending the party could be the first step in establishing new relationships with your children.
Take a deep breath, buy a fabulous outfit, get a mani/pedi and go with a smile on your face.
You might also want to put this post on Surviving. There are many caring people there who have been or are in this exact position who can and will offer you guidance and support. ~ swl
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
I would go. I would look confident. I would look happy. I would look in control.
I would not let myself be alone with xH, figuring that he can't treat you terribly when the kids see it (I could be wrong there).
I think you need to rethink your resentment of the kids. I would have to think that the time leading up to and through the D was very confusing for them. They only knew the part of the story they could see, and it probably made no sense at all to them. It really wasn't their job to "be there for you", any more than it was their job to "be there" for you xH. From their standpoint, I would have to think they really didn't want to "take sides". He is their father, you are their mother. They didn't want to be in the middle of that conflict, they wanted to run away from it! I would not be surprised if he lied to them, probably still does. But, it is really hard to not believe your father, you WANT to believe him.
I really think it would serve you well to work on where you are going, rather than dwelling on where you have been.
A loving mother whose children do not repsect her or her wishes.
Itsy, I can only imagine your pain. And the only advice I can offer, is what I think I would do. This problem occurred over years, as such there is no quick fix.
Respect like trust is slowly built, and I would start working slowly on trying to rebuild it with your children.
Stay or go to your grandchild's birthday?
I know, no power on Earth could stop me. We sacrifice for our children, we always have we always will. Ours is a generational story, you may never have the rapport you want with your children, but you might with your grandchildren.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I I agree with the others My R with my kids is very important to me I am not here as long as you but C has helped me I am just getting D now My stbx and I get along well I dont know what the future holds but for my kids sake and mine, i want to keep it amlicable..we will not be best friends and in time i believe what connection we have now will vanish as we each begin our journey alone I m sorry for your pain and as J said --it may take a while to get thw R with yourt kids better Couseling does help as it gives us that thinking partner who is for us take care of yourself peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
