My sister and brothers all live close by, but it seems they've taken the attitude that I have it under control and my brothers have taken themselves out of the equation. My sister helps out when I ask, but it may be my fatal flaw...I have a really hard time asking for help. Feel like shows some sort of weekness on my part that I can't do it all myself. If I were just more organized. Or if I was just a better ____________ fill in the blank.
My brother, around Christmas time, told me basically that my job is to take care of my dad and I shouldn't let anything else distract me from my job. (like a man) That is so stuck in my head it's been hard for me to get past it. So, I try to do it all and end up doing everything half-a$$ed and doing nothing really well. For me, that makes me crazy.
Thanks ALL.
Well, at least this has kept my focus on dad and away from XH. That which we focus on expands. I need to stop focusing on LAUNDRY!
I'm not an expert, but I've been there. And I survived.
Dad is continuing to feel better. He's quicker, more alert, sleeping less.
H called this weekend to talk to the kids. Very short, curt. Let the kids take the phone and "aha", he was visiting GF and had her on speaker phone with him. My two older kids talked, but my youngest wouldn't talk to her. Kept telling X that she would talk to him but not her.
They used to LOVE seeing her and spending time with her. She hasn't been around for any of their visits though lately, so I can understand. Plus, I think he involves them too much in his grown up life problems.
So today, on his way home, he called again, but this time he asked to talk to me. It reminded me of when we were still married and he would go to lunch with me on Friday but disappear after work and then resurface on Sunday night wanting to talk. He wouldn't even acknowledge me on the phone when gf was there with him, but all buddy-buddy tonight in the airport on his way home. I would think that a good R with me would important enough for him to tell her, "Things work best for the kids when BT and I can communicate and cooperate."
Maybe once they work out their issues, they can get to that place, but right now, he has to deny that he and I talk, get along with each other, cooperate for the sake of the kids. Hey, if my BF's XW was as fantastic as I am, I'd be nervous too. he he
I'm not an expert, but I've been there. And I survived.
I had typed this all over on No Hill's thread, but it was too much of a sidetrack, so I thought I would move it here.
I know that I worked very hard to stay out of the gutter during my attempt to stay married, my separation and then divorce. I worked on myself, started working out three times each week, made a point to go out with friends, stay connected. Even when they all thought I should burn a bonfire of his clothes on the front lawn, I explained what my goal was and that would certainly not get me any closer to my goal of saving my marriage...might make me feel better, but not any closer to my goal.
I made a lot of excuses for my X. I really thought he was working, saving the world (well, his little chunk of it). I attended all of the family gatherings, funerals, weddings. I thought I was doing my part and he was equally honorable doing his part. Only to find that what I thought was his noble attempt to make the world a better place, was really his attempt to have his cake of a perfect little family and eat a slice of forbidden apple pie too.
I remember my best friend told me that if there was ever a war, she'd want me on her side, fierce warrior and a super sneaky spy to boot. I made sure, when I finally found out, to know EVERYTHING. Whether that was good or bad, I'm not sure, but I kept telling myself that knowledge was power and I wanted to know what was going on.
This was in response to No Hill's saying that we can't act the victim. We shouldn't dwell on the fact that we've been wronged. I think I have gotten past that. I have a good relationship with my kids. I made sure NEVER to talk negatively about their father around them. I made sure to encourage them to talk to him when he calls. I accepted them telling me how much they liked OW though it broke my heart to watch them drive away with her and their father. I have a pretty good relationship with X, probably because I decided to make my decisions with the kids always in my mind. Is this the best for the kids? It is important for them that we get along. It is important for them that they see their dad. It is important for them that they see their grandparents. It is important for them that they have some consistency through this crazy time.
Sleepy time. Goodnight all
I'm not an expert, but I've been there. And I survived.
